British thugs versus evil! Dead Cert review!

Can you remember the last good vampire flick?  Does Underworld count?  My mind can’t conjure up one better than Interview with the Vampire, but of course, all of these examples are mainstream, hollywood-produce examples.  Am I shunning the back alley projects?  Perhaps I’ve just seen too much horror movies.  I can’t recall the last indie vampire project that was actually worth a viewing.  Unfortunately, I still haven’t come across such a worthy viewing even if the topic of this review is a vampire genre film called Dead Cert.

A tough London gang are ruthless when it comes to territorial disputes, taking care of their competition with merciless violence, but when an Iranian businessman comes into town, Freddy and his gang don’t know what they’re getting themselves into.  The Iranian businessmen are more than just land searchers, they’re legendary vampires looking to reclaim what they claim is theirs – the London land.  Freddy’s club becomes their base of operations when Freddy’s boxer Dennis loses his bout against an Iranian brute.


Budgeted, but stylishly-slick, keeps the eyes toward the screen.  The myths of blood sucking night stalkers can be frivolously thrown out of the mix as Dead Cert only obtains holy water and stakes in the heart to leading causes to a vampire’s unwell-being.  The settings are elaborate; I like the idea of the spacious night club though it appeals to me more like a stage, but, honestly, who wants to be elbow-to-elbow with a bunch of sweaty, fat and pervy skizzy dudes wanking it to a girl who wants all their money?

Also, for the mafia types, these guys are a bunch of pussies until the end.  “Boo hoo, they took my club in a fair fight!”  Come on!  Wipe the tears off your cheeks and the shit from your ass and get to whacking like gangsters do it.  Dead Cert breaks too many archetypes, yet manages to keep an attentive audience even with low-standards of performance and clothed strippers!  My advice:  Dead Cert isn’t traditional and works like another versus film (to the tune of Vampires vs Zombies, Vampires vs Werewolves, etc…).  We’ve seen a film like this before both as a versus film and comes off as a rip of From Dusk till Dawn 😦

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