I’ve seen more Evil from a Carebear. Lethal Ninja review!

lninjaRemember my video post a few days back?  (See Evil Mail Call! post)  You just recall me blabbing about Lethal Ninja (aka For Hire), you know, the Blue Laser title DVD with a really neat retro nineties look with a white boy ninja, holding a sai and is reflecting a half naked woman?  Well, I had the time to pop in the disk and try to see how lethal this white nina with a mullet really is?

Chinatown is overrun by kung-fu expert gangs who are controlled by the mob.  The mayor weak footed stance has him unsure about what to do and it doesn’t help matters if the cops don’t want to patrol Chinatown in fear of losing their lives. The mayor receives mysterious notes at every turn and read “For Hire” and a 555 telephone number.  The mayor mustards up his last bit of hope and calls the For Hire number.  J.D. Makay answers the mayor’s prayers as he uses his ninja abilities to clean up Chinatown from the foot troops to the head of management, but at the stake of the mayor’s family.

We begin Lethal Ninja with early nineties hip-hop james and dancing then a gang comes up and starts to throw fake punches, knocking people down.  All this happens even with the hip-hop band still sings and dances turning it into an In Living Color musical introduction.  This is just one of the instances that doesn’t make sense in this direct-to-video film.  We have random imagery of J.D. Makay practicing his movie hyped ninja moves.  Every time a for hire card is exposed, J.D. Makay throws a karate chop or a round house kick.  What scene really disturbed me was when Bambi Swayze, who plays as Rachel – family friend to the mayor and his family – is riding the main boss’s crotch.  He twists his lips and eyes into some contorted mess that I can’t really explain what is really going on.  He chants “obey me” while images of his son Sonny come on and off the screen.  Oh, and by the way, Sonny is shot in the gut in the cemetery scene and still lives and is walking around just fine.  Literally, shot in the guy with the bullet going through his body leaving a bloody shirt tail at his back.  But that twisted face will leave me with nightmares for the rest of my days.

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The character J.D. Makay just isn’t an assured action hero.  He can’t seem to protect the mayor’s family, he is saved a quite a few times by the mayor’s youngest boy, and can’t even tell that a cross-dressing hit man creeping around the burial ceremony.  Makay’s skills are a joke.  If I put Barney Fife in the Octogon with J.D. Makay, Barney would surely win by the first round.  Unfortunately, director Stefan Rudnicki just didn’t have the budget to afford better actors and special effects which would have aided the passable DVD cover.  It’s a good thing I only paid $1.86 for this DVD.  I couldn’t see myself paying the retail of $15.99 or more and if I did, I should just give away all my money – perhaps donate it to the veteran ninja society for the disabled.  I still look for to the other Blue Laser DVD Boiler Room.  I imagine it’ll be just as glamourous and thrilling like Lethal Ninja.

Lethal Ninja is an enjoyable film with lots of booze and many humorous compadres.  You won’t be able to teach yourself the ways of the ninja or learn the responsible ways of running a city as a mayor, but you’ll have your joke vault filled for the rest of your life.  The gullibility of the writing is incomparable.  I’ve seen Paul Naschy movies better than this, but I guess we all inspire to have a little ninja in us every once and awhile and that is why we make movies about them no matter how much money we don’t possess.  If you don’t want to catch this awesome flick on DVD, you can watch the cliff notes version below!

Evil Mail Cal! Check out what is on the chop block for It’s Bloggin’ Evil!

MAIL CALL!

The mail man finally brought me my packages.  As I tracked the package, I saw that the package shipped from Pittsburgh, went to Ohio for processing, traveled to Southeastern PA, then to Downingtown, PA which is two minutes from where I reside.  However, when I thought the package would arrive the next day, my blood started to boil when I found that it was just processed in Jersey City, NJ.  Gah!  Five days later (after a weekend), my package finally arrived and I was relieved and now I can share with you what might the content be for future articles.

For the first time on It’s Bloggin’ Evil, I made a video post about what was received.  This gives you a clear idea on the content that one might come across.  Now not every film in this video will be reviewed here because their genres just aren’t evil enough, but I still think it’s interested to see what people can hunt down in flea markets, yard sales, Movie Stop’s used section, Walmart’s $5 dollar bin and so on.  Also, don’t expect just movies on future video posts!

Hopefully you enjoy the video.  I can be a dry talker at times, but I’m a bit camera shy and can get nervous.  There is some bloopers and humorous remarks in this little over 8 minute video.  Thanks again for watching and make sure you return from the grave and check out the evil to come.

Evil Thoughts. The Baby (1973) and The Prowler (1981)

Tonight I thought I would discuss two very different kind of horror films.  Trying to dissect and compare horror films to each other can be enlightening to others; to help them explore new territories in horror.  Also, this idea gives me to chat to be a blabber mouth about obscure, retro movies that most of the younger generations don’t know about.  Hell, I’m almost 30 and I probably still need more horror movie schooling.

babyFirst I want to talk about Ted Post’s 1973 exploitation film The Baby.  A social worker seeks out and becomes hired by the Wadsworth family to oversee the mentally ill child of the family who goes by the name of just Baby.  Besides the retardation, Baby is an average boy who plays with toys, sucks on a bottle and cries when his diaper is wet with the exception that Baby is a 20-year-old man.  The social worker plans for Baby seem genuine  – to try to progress Baby’s ability to walk and talk like everybody else.  However, the Wadworth family holds a dark secret that if anybody gets to close to that person ends up disappearing, but little does the Wadworth family know, that the social worker has alternate means for Baby than what she cares to divulge.

The Baby is a unique exploitation for me.  I’ve never seen anything like it before.  The fact that the mentally ill, a man, and the mind of a child are being exploited beyond rational means.  When you (in this case when I) think of the exploitation genre, I imagine women being used for their body or just a person being exploited for violence.  In The Baby, the man and the mentally ill is being abused for his body and the man and the mentally ill is being exploited for violence.  During the duration, there is no grasp on who might be the hero and who might be the villain.  The roles are a virtually reversed between the Wadworths family and the social worker and even at the end of the movie, you still don’t know how to process the information and end up second guessing the hero and the villain.  The Baby will imprint in your mind and sear into your brain making The Baby a well executed film just by script alone.  Director Ted Post and The Baby David Mooney do a remarkable job even if the 70s film does come off outdated and corny.  Gerald Fried’s score is also pretty amazing and that is worth listening to as well.

 

 

Second comes The Prowler.  A maniacal killer runs rampant on Avalon Bay, NJ dressed in WW II fatigues carrying aprowler pitchfork, bayonet and a handheld shotgun.  The killer reminisces about Rosemary, the love of his lift who gives him a Dear John letter for his time in military service.  His longing forces him to kill.

 

 

Tom Savini has mentioned that his work on 1981 The Prowler was his best work ever.  I don’t know if I could agree with Mr. Savini or not on that as his effects for The Burning are superb, but anything Savini touches is gold so The Prowler is a shining example of his gruesome work.  The problem or problems rather with The Prowler is the entire storyline as it was far too choppy and incoherent.  I pieced the story all together sans the movie and I get that the audience sometimes has to make their own interpretation, but come on!  I feel as if The Prowler character just didn’t have enough back story like Jason Voorhees who had a tragedy as a child seeing his mother beheading and seeks revenge on the free-spirited, sex crazed teenage campers and consolers.

Two very different movies.  Two different styles.  All with in the realm of thrills and chills.  Exploitation and slasher genres have gained knowledge from these two prime examples, yet we still build and build upon each genre.  We don’t see them too much in theaters anymore which is a shame since both genres really put you in the center of the worlds most delicate issues of the world.  People kill people.  People exploit people.  These issues will never go away but they will never been renowned as popular because the subjects frighten us way too much.

 

 

Vampires Can Be Your Evil Saviors! The Caretaker Review!

The-CaretakerDon’t quite count out the vampire genre just yet.  Like the blood thirsty undead, the vampire genre just keeps resurrecting.  Vampire films might be critically castrated for the majority of the time, but there are times when a vampire film just had a lot of heart, especially in a no to low-budget project like the film I’m reviewing in this article – The Caretaker.  Directory Tom Conyers has no feature film directing experience.  Actor Mark White has no feature film acting experience.  Must can be said about the rest of the cast while a couple of them also worked in shorts and television series, but The Caretaker is a real test for the cast on such a venturous storyline.

Mosquito bites cause what many believe to be an epidemic of the flu in the area of Melbourne, Australia.  What the residents of Melbourne believed were wrong…dead wrong.  The bites cause the victims to turn into vampires that reaches out beyond the lines of Melbourne and spread across the world.  A small, on-edge group of four humans hold up on a small vineyard plantation where a vampire has claimed his nest.  In exchange for their protection during the day, the vampire offers his protection against his own kind at night.  The tension is thick not only between human and vampire, but also between human and human.

Now not to rain down on The Caretaker’s parade even though I do like the movie, but I feel there is always too much melodrama.  Melodrama seems to be a plague for many low-budget horror films just because the crew can’t add in top dollar special effects to entertain leaving a “talking head” movie syndrome inevitable.  But I can divulge that the fact that in spite there being melodrama spewing from every orifice, this doesn’t make The Caretaker a bad movie.  The characters are complex enough to welcome some of the “talking head” script.  There are internal conflicts in the characters themselves and they are also projected upon the other survivors causing turmoil in the house or “nest.”

When I said that many low-budget horror films just don’t have the dough to afford high-tech special effects, I didn’t intend on that to mean that The Caretaker’s effects were awful.  I rather enjoyed the effects as they were minimal and believable.  Some effects make a movie campy, but The Caretaker was all serious business and took the vampire story on a different level with an earnest commitment.  Mark White’s as the protective vampire Dr. Ford Grainger who never reveals a good side or an evil side.  We just know he is a bad ass vampire vampire slayer.  The human characters give off the same complexities with only Colin McPherson’s character Lester portraying anything that resembles a villain as the 50-year-old creepy vineyard owner who loves to chase after young women and that young woman happens to be the manic depressed Annie played by Anna Burgess.  Guy and Ron round out the last of the characters played by Clint Dowdell and Lee Mason and these two are buddy buddy at first until Annie’s secret comes to the forefront and then it is game on between the four humans and the lone vampire.

The Caretaker won’t knock your socks off, but comes off as a decent vampire genre flick.  Don’t expect flying body parts or gruesome scenes of vampire attacks with blood squirting in every direction.  Take it in like a worth seeing television soap drama and try to see the heart in the center like I did.  Then, after it is all over and you still didn’t care for The Caretaker, you can rip out that heart and eat with a side of lima beans and wash it down with a nice cold beer, but hey, at least you gave it a try, right?

Trailer for The Caretaker

Wild Child of Evil! Shiver review!

When a story becomes too fantastic and passing the point of belief when it’s suppose to feel true, doesn’t speak very highly of the story’s quality.  The draining feeling of being sucked into such can only leave a bad taste in a viewer’s mouth.  Why does this happen, you ask?  The story starts to stretch, reaching a highly unobtainable goal to which we’re suppose to believe that can happen when we know for a fact that there is about a zero to null chance of that event from ever occurring in real time.  If a fantastic story done correctly, your brain doesn’t have to stretch beyond it’s belief and accept the novel nature of the story’s reason or direction.  Isidro Ortiz’s Shiver, not to be confused with David Cronenberg’s Shivers, is exactly the correct method in suspending our disbelief below our threshold of reason.

Santi is a tormented high school kid with an over protective mother.  His severe physical allergic reaction to sunlight and his teeth deformity has labeled him forever a vampire boy by the school bullies.  When the doctor suggests moving Santi to a dimmer part of the country, he and his mother waste no time settling into a small village nestled deep with in the crevice of mountains.  Peace and quiet is far from achieved as local murders have been pinned to Santi who quickly believes he is the next victim of a monstrous forest killer.

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