A haughty and unpleasant stock trader taking an Uber to a late-night business meeting stumbles upon a drug deal gone bad. Monstrously bad. A werewolf intrudes into the exchange, killing three people and biting the trader on the shoulder. Stumbling into the nearby woods disoriented and with a pocketful of cocaine, his desire to relieve the pain from his shoulder as well as to escape the nightmare of being lost and confused in the woods lies within the white as snow narcotic housed on his person, but every time he takes a nasal hit, his addiction curses him into becoming like the wolf that attacked him. Happening across a film crew shooting a microbudget horror film and having no clue what’s happening to him, he partakes with the director’s cocaine habit that fuels his inner beast to come out and hunt them down one-by-one to rip them to shreds high on nose candy.
Much the same way the farcical “Sharknado” gave birth to a few analogous action-horror spoofs with similar ridiculously punned titles, such as “Clownado” or “Lavantula,” that combines a vilified thing with one of the many wraths of mother nature, 2023’s “Cocaine Bear” too began the same conceptual nonsense that spewed out “Attack of the Meth Gator,” “Cocaine Shark,” and now, we’re treated to the next level of hopped-up creatures with “Cocaine Werewolf.” Helmed by longtime microbudget horror filmmaker Mark Polonia, under the Polonia Bros. Production banner, and penned by first time screenwriter Tyger Torrez, the 2024 horror-comedy cuts the werewolf’s bane with powdery coke, spiraling the legendary lycanthrope into a stimulated frenzy of blow. “Camp Blood’s” David S. Sterling of Sterling Entertainment funds the in-and-around Wellsboro, Pennsylvania-shot project with fellow producers Ford Austin (“Dahmer vs. Gacy) and Cleopatra Entertainment’s Tim Yasuni and Brian Perera (“Frost,” “The Black Mass”) serving as producer and executive producer.
Returning to the schlocky world of penny-made horror is Brice Kennedy who has reconnected with Mark Polonia since “Razorteeth” and “Splatter Beach” from 2007. Shortly after Mark’s brother, John Polonia, unexpectantly died in 2008, Kennedy returns to the in front of the camera scene in 2024 after a lengthy hiatus of 17 years. Kenney takes the lead role of the cocaine addicted stock trader bitten to become a rampaging werewolf with a proclivity for nose blow. The West Virginia native never lost a step in those 24 years of off camera with a smooth slip into an obnoxiously crass stock trader jostled to wander the woods and to be anxious to get to the next snort of his pocket narcotic. Kenney plays on a fraction of the rubber masked werewolf, with Mark Polonia and others donning the snarling molded and faux hair stitched latex, but we don’t know or can’t tell which portion of the man-wolf Kenney portrays. Brice carries much of the story until he meets the film crew halfway, through the muck of drug deals gone sour between actors James Carolus and Titus Himmelberger of “Sharkula,” a pair of unlucky drivers behind the wheel of their cars in Michael Korotitsch (“Motorboat”) and Marie DeLorenzo (“Sister Krampus”), and two hunters, from James Kelly (“Sharkula”) and Jeff Kirkendall (“Motorboat”) suspicious of the recent mauling deaths of their neighbors and find themselves way over their head with the animal that’s causing all the carnage. Principal position shifts from being solo to a shared introduction of the film crew, exploring satire of making a low-budget, independent horror movie about a hackneyed clown slasher (Noyes J. Lawton, “Virus Shark”) chasing two girls through the forest. Those two females leads, Jamie Morgan (“Motorboat”) and Greta Volkova (“The Last Frankenstein”), get put through the trope wringer with lesbianism tendencies and gratuitous shower nudity, not to also neglect mentioning being damsels in distress from a killer clown, and become centrically the focus toward heroine, aka the final girl, as the cocaine werewolf infiltrates their small band of filmmakers. Hot on the savage beast’s trail is Ken Van Sant (“Virus Shark”) as the local sheriff baffled by what’s tearing people apart. If you couldn’t tell already, the cast is comprised of Mark Polonia regulars, those who have worked together on numerous projects, and have a kind of inner circle rapport with each other from the various Mark Polonia Bros. productions and this also includes Cody Losinger, Tim Hatch, Yolie Canales, and Alyssa Paige that rounds out “Cocaine Werewolf.”
I had promised myself after reviewing “Motorboat” dismally, I would stay away from another Mark Polonia production but because of my personal philosophy and prejudge avoidance policy of not researching and previewing films before watching them for critical analysis, I burned myself into Mark Polonia’s world once again. I was duped in part of Cleopatra Entertainment being partnering producers and the distributing label as they’re becoming well known for release moderately subpar horror product and have their own entourage line of actors, actresses, and filmmakers, such as Devanny Pinn and Brandon Slagle, with notable B-movie guest stars like William Shatner (“Star Trek”), Vernon Wells (“Commando”), and Udo Kier (“Blood for Dracula”) in some of their releases. Additionally, I absolutely enjoyed “Gun Woman’s” Kurando Mitsutake from print-to-film manga adapted “Lion Girl” that recently saw the physical media light. Unfortunately, I did not get the same pleasure out of “Cocaine Werewolf” under Polonia’s formulaic filmmaking and while Polonia does apply some effects techniques, mostly off-kilter visual f/x such as the added cold breath, the blood spurts, or the swirling faces that indicate human-to-wolf transition, but there isn’t a consistency to them and doesn’t blend into “Cocaine Werewolf’s” whole tone in what is more of a convenience choice rather than a unifying or connective element. “Dead Ant” and “Psycho Goreman’s” Josh Wasylink’s werewolf mask design would be any kid’s Halloween wet dream in what has pretty remarkable detail contrasted against the microbudget. Granted, there are not pneumatic or hydraulic components to the constant mask but a little blood here, a little blood there, and some glowing red eyes and you got yourself a damn good-looking, classic-feeling werewolf.
From Cleopatra Entertainment, the film division of music label Cleopatra Records, comes “Cocaine Werewolf” onto an AVC encoded, 1080p high-definition, BD25 Blu-ray. Frequently lacquered in a CIG haze, the ungraded image manages to retain a solid definition of sharp detail presented in an anamorphic 1.85:1 aspect rato. This can be good and bad for the image quality that while really creates delineation around textural clothing and the ample foliage it can also really expose to a fault and emphasize the rubbery inanimate mask along with the large cut out eyes, blackened with dark makeup to try and make the mask and the actor seamless. Depth is fine and medlied across multiple locations and the color range has natural, varied pop, diffused into the smokey trope atmospherics and angled up and key lit cinematography by Paul Alan Steele. Blacks are slight washed but not crushed or with significant banding. Like most Cleopatra Entertainment releases, the soundtrack overwhelms enough of the other audio layers in this English language LCPM Stereo 2.0 that it slightly takes of the edge of the impact, but the lossless quality awakens the snarling, growling werewolf noises and the dialogue is amply consistent throughout that even the Gothic rockabilly score from The 69 Cats doesn’t fully immerse viewers solely in the band’s dark melodiousness. Bonus content includes a Mark Polonia commentary, which the director is usually pretty good about supplying and supporting for most of his work, an image slideshow, and the trailer plus trailers for other Cleopatra Entertainment releases. Physical attributes of the conventional encased Blu-ray include an uncredited but insane Red Riding Hood inspired illustration on the front cover. There is no reverse side of the cover nor are there any inserts included in his release and the disc is pressed with the same front cover image. The unrated Blu-ray comes region free and has a runtime of 80 minutes.
Last Rites: “Cocaine Werewolf” is better than most of the contemporary Mark Polonia body of work, but the heart-pounded effects of his laced comedy-horror is not addictive enough to produce the euphoria to warrant another line hit, leaving this derived werewolf indie in withdrawals.
Devout American nun, Sister Cecilia, has been appointed a position in the Italian countryside, a historical convent where terminally ill nuns live in the sisterly comfort of hospice. Feeling blessed for the opportunity to serve and her faith remaining second to none, the young nun believes she found her true calling and takes her devotional vows in the eyes of God and Jesus Christ, amongst other young nuns in confirmation. During her training of changing out bedpans and beheading chickens for meals, an uneasiness washes over Cecilia ever since the night of her confirmation reception and being granted to behold one of the stakes that was impaled through the hand of Christ. As if by miracle, an explanation suddenly and terrifyingly reveals itself not only to her complete shock but the entire convent when she’s discovered to be pregnant through immaculate conception. As weeks turns to months, Cecilia is forced to focus on baby instead of chores but there’s something dark and malevolent happening behind the convent doors that result in her unable to leave the convent grounds, fellow outspoken nuns disappear, and one sister commits suicide. The once blessed opportunity has turned into unimaginable terror with no way out.
Sydney Sweeney is so hot right now. With her provocative success on HBO’s take of youth and vices in “Euphoria” and a nihilistic teenage daughter in the same premium channel’s series, “The White Lotus, the now 26-year-old Washington state-born actress has also peppered her career with horror films, even at a childish age with her first appearance, a minor role, in a comedy-horror “ZMD: Zombies of Mass Destruction” and continuing her fresh and new vocation with notable parts directed by notable directors, such as John Carpenter’s “The Ward” and Tibor Takács “Spiders,” that would subsequently offshoot into principal leads of less heeded, moderately successful thrillers when in adulthood with “Along Came the Devil,” “Dead Ant,” and “Nocturne.” Her latest venture is one she became personally invested in, a modern-day nunsploitation titled “Immaculate,” reteaming Sweeney with her 2021 “The Voyeurs’” writer-director Michael Mohan at the helm of their latest collaborative effort. Mohan, however, did not write the film with feature film newcomer Andrew Lobel taking the job that would take a decade to fruition once Sweeney, who auditioned for the role when she was 17 years old, made it her passion project to see it come to life Alongside Sweeney producing is Ben Shafer, Riccardo Neri, Michael Heimler, David Bernard, Jonathan Davino, and Teddy Schwarzman with Neon distributing the Black Bear presentation of the Fifty-Fifty Films and Middle Child Films coproduction.
Sweeney exacts the very definition of virginal innocence, a small-town girl with a miraculous backstory that nearly cost her her life. As a sincerely devout Catholic in Sister Cecelia, Sweeney must shape up an intake of naivety that blinds her to the subtle sinisterism amassing around her. To do that, a medley of personalities must dupe her, sway her, disparage her, and comfort her to keep the character balanced before the blindsiding shock that surprises her with a twisted misconception and exploitation of God theme. Heading up the mix of madness is the convent’s resident priest, Father Sal Tedeschi, played by Spanish actor Álvaro Morte, indoctrinating a warm welcome as a guise for advantageous deceptiveness, but for what, we yet don’t yet know. The alarming setup pins Cecelia to the convent grounds, surrounded by equally unconscionable characters in an insistent Cardinal Franco Meroa (Giorgio Colangeli), a benignly sweet Mother Superior (Dora Romano), and a disparaging Sister Isabelle (Giulia Heathfield Di Renzi”), and with little options of escape, or even allies within the walls, Cecelia is truly alone against a rogue Catholic sect that seeks to resurrect Christ in an unconventional and unnatural way against Canon law. Cecelia’s arc fully embraces the change through Sweeney’s rather transfigured understanding of the religious institution Cecelia devotes her life to and, in the same breath, the nun keeps with the organization’s traditional principles of God’s will and not man’s interference and must be the righteous hand of wrath. “Immaculate’s” cast rounds out with Benedetta Porcaroli, Giampiero Judica, Giuseppe Lo Piccolo, and Simona Tabasco, who has a “White Lotus” connection with Sydney Sweeney.
If you’re like me and avoid most trailers, reviews, or spoilers to try and keep an unbiased opinion, you may be taken aback by “Immaculate’s” gargantuan twist that goes against everything you may know and believe about the Catholic Church’s dogma and principles. Granted, several non-Catholics likely believe the Church is corrupt and with recent years’ newsworthy scandals, those Church cynics’ fire has had a continuous stream of fueling fodder. “Immaculate” plays into the fear, pessimism, and beyond reproach suspicion by subverting religion as a false façade and integrates unlikely, go-against-the-grain coupled themes of genetics tampering, bypassing God, murdering in His name, and even exploiting the Catholic hierarchy with slivers of patriarchal governance over a woman’s body. We get the latter from the very first opening sequence of Cecelia having just arrived in Italy and is brought before two custom officials who remark, in Italian in order for her now to understand, that her religious vocation to be obedience, impoverished, and chaste wastes her youthful beauty. Then again, “Immaculate” is not beautiful; it’s grotesque, perverted, and shocking and at the core, a purity that’s being sullied by deranged power and evil enlightenments. Cecelia represents a beacon of hope in a maelstrom of immorality.
Shudderingly intense and sordidly messed up, “Immaculate” arrives onto a Neon Blu-ray home release. Presented in a widescreen, Univisium aspect ratio of 2:00:1, the AVC encoded, 1080p high-definition, feature is housed on a single-layered 25 gigabyte disc. Curious the reason why Neon would choose a lower capacity for such a purposefully soft and dark videographic image that creates a solemn tone inside a harsh appearance of an unpronounced period piece, perhaps set around the 1960s-1970s judging by the wardrobe, suitcases, and other set dressings. Not also to exclude the premature notions of genetic manipulations that have made giant modernized leaps in the contemporary day-and-age. Even with emaciated encoded, “Immaculate” looks pretty good around skin tones and textures and not a tone of compression follies to report. With darker images on lower capacities banding and blocking rear their ugliness but there’s not a tone of that here. Saturation reduction plays into the time period and mood and the specified range of grading is kept to a modestly warm yellow, greens, and reds surfacing above ever so slightly through thick shadows of inkier, key-lit or candle-lit frames and even making a miniscule presence in daylit moments, boarding classical noir on some occasions. The English-Italian DTS-HD 5.1 Master Audio has lossless appeal that wriggles out clean atmospheric genre cues through the multiple, surrounding channels. Creaky doors and floors, deep footsteps, cavernous echoing, all play into the ambience track’s gothic timbres. Conversating dialogue mounts a clear fixed positioning that sharp and clean through Sweeney’s character’s slight Midwestern intonation to the heavily and broad Italian accents from native vernacular to second language English speakers. A descriptive English 2.0 audio track is also available as well as optional English and Spanish subtitles for the primary track. One reason “Immaculate” is on a BD25 is because of the only bonus feature available is a feature length commentary track with director Michael Mohan. The physical side of the Neon release includes a slipcover with the same tones mentioned above with a pious looking Sydney Sweeney in habit and also covered stoically in blood from the collar down. The backside of the slipcover scarcely has technical information which is pleasant to see the limited real estate being used for something else other than the nuts and bolts that should remain on the Blu-ray’s Amaray case. Its slightly reminiscent of the way certain boutique labels design their limited slips. However, what’s not reminiscent of boutique design is the same slipcover front and back image is used for the Blu-ray case too. Inside is sparse with only the disc with a simple yet effective black background, red titled pressing. Rated R for Strong and Bloody Violent Content Grisly Images, Nudity, and Some Language, the Neon release has a runtime of 89 minutes and is encoded for region A playback.
Last Rites: “Immaculate” is blessed be the fruit of present-day Nunsploitation themed with power trips that attempt to bypass God and the laws of nature. The finale powerfully depicts and deciphers the principles of one’s firm held faith under God’s will, and perhaps wrath, in its ugliest form.
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