A Playgirl Versus the Evils of Lesbian Cults and Snooty Thieves! “Christina” review!

The following review is NSFW

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Christina Von Belle is a youthful playgirl heiress who travels through the exotic locations of Europe modeling and making love to the men of the world. Her jet-setting life screeches to a full and sudden stop when a vicious and merciless faction of lesbian guerillas, led by their determined leader Rosa who seeks to inspire young women to live a life of liberated homosexuality, kidnaps Christina for a high dollar ransom because paying for the liberation cause is quite pricey. Christina will be put through multitudes of depravity seductions to pursue the heiress that woman does not need man. As the ecstasy of her captures becomes more and more difficult to defend against, Christina jumps into action, escaping when the chance presents itself, and finds herself leaping into the arms of smugglers and thieves who seek to also use Christina’s title for a wealthy pay out. Christina’s only weapon, her only means of freedom, is her young, sensual flesh that puts everybody, even lesbian commandoes and high society smugglers, under her sultry spell.

One of Francisco Lara Polop’s (under the moniker credit of Poco Lara) last known feature films and penned by the legendary schlock writer Harry Alan Towers (under the moniker credit of Peter Welbeck), “Christina” expos a mingling cast of B-movie stars and starlets such as “Return of the Living Dead’s” Jewel Shepard. Before Shepard was a blue-haired, punk-rocking goth chick ready to be munched on by brain eating zombies, the native New Yorker stripped bare as a promiscuous woman meandering quickly through hordes of wealth and a legion of similar status men. For much of Poco Lara’s film, Jewel Shepard is damn near naked the entire time, exposing her perky breasts whenever the opportunity presents itself. The same whip-it-out concept can be attributed for nearly the rest of the female cast: Josephine Jacqueline Jones (“Black Venus”), Pepita Full James (“The Story of O 2”), Helen Devon, and Anne-Marie Jensen. The male performer counterpart understandably lacks in comparison, but rounds out nicely with Ian Sera (Pieces), Emilio Linder (Monster Dog), Tony Isbert (Tragic Ceremony), and Emilian Redondo (Black Venus).
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Christina’s sexual adventures turned passionate plights purposefully lays the groundwork in attempting to pave a similar path toward the highly popular French series “Emmanuelle,” its sequential films, and it’s cheaply produced spin-offs which simply focused around the erotic escapades of a young woman seeking to enhance her sexual experience. Also akin to the “Emmanuelle” series is the fact that “Christina” is an adaptation from a series of sexually charged books printed by Playboy Press. Yet, “Christina” failed to peak interest in spawning sequel additions, despite the high production value that includes exotically breathtaking locations in France and Spain and also the impressive car, dirt bike, and horse chases. To further be pro-“Christina,” the gratuitous nudity explodes onto nearly every single scene with Jewel Shepard’s tight and slender physique causing most tongues to go limp from gawkers’ mouths, secreting saliva with hound dog anticipation for more.

Though prevalent nudity thrills, the sex scenes lack that certain special something. The longevity of the scenes seem as transient as the Christina character, leaving more of the sexual intercourse to the far reaches of the implied sector than trying to push the envelope. The lesbian moments with Josephine Jacqueline Jones and Helen Devon cut briskly away to a dream sequence where Christina faints from the intensity of her captor’s advances and in these dreams, she’s metaphorically assessing her experience with black glove cladded hands rolling cars and tanks around the curvatures of her breasts and teasing the pubic edges of her nether regions. Another dilution of “Christina” is the stunts. While I mentioned the chase sequences were a refreshing surprise for soft core erotica, the hand-to-hand combat nullifies that pleasantry. The lesbian mercenaries fight each other, literally ripping the clothes from their hard bodies, to award themselves the pleasure of guarding, and seducing, Christina while Christina fights her way to escape from their enlisted clutches; yet, the choreography is horrendously slow and bad, resulting in more of an awkward contest rather than a test of might. I will say that the actresses did, in fact, do their own stunt work.
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Intervision Picture Corp. and CAV Distribution release a region free, re-mastered Blu-ray edition of “Christina” in a spellbinding Hi-definition 1080p resolution. The widescreen 16×9 presentation only adds to the HD transfer without forcing to strain the image framing and clarity. Clearly more vivid than any of the film’s at-home distributed predecessors, Intervision Picture Corp.’s improvement bares ample of detail, pops the natural coloring, and balances the blacks amongst the original print damage from minor grain to centering scratches. A few times a grey-to-blue toned sepia interludes during more closeup scenes, but the vast exteriors of locations, and for most of the film as well, share in the wealth of the image upgrade. The Dolby Digital English 2.0 mix has varying levels that, at times, sporadically lower the dialogue which might have stemmed from misplaced mic setups. No hissing or pops detected, resulting in clear and spotless finish on the tracks that smooths out the dialogue and sports a rather snazzy synth Ted Scotto soundtrack, especially during more action packed moments. Finally, no extras are included with this release.
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Overall, a solid piece of lost skin-er-iffic treasure dug up for display by Intervision Picture Corp. Never in my lifetime would I have guessed that Casey from the “Return of the Living Dead” would be fully nude, nearly full time, in a unique sexploitation gem entitled simply “Christina.” The Poco Lara directed soft core film might be based off the popular sleaze reads and trashy sex novels of the same name, but ultimately “Christina” just couldn’t gain any steam powered momentum on film as it so rightfully did in bedroom fantasies, leaving the kinky-lust and the misadventures of our heroine permanently in black and white of its literature bound kin.

Want a part of Christina? Own the Blu-ray of this rare film! Purchase by clicking the Amazon link image above!

Evil Does a Body Good! “Milk the Maid” review!

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Ruriko’s family is on steep decline: Ruriko’s fooing around with other men, her husband has no job, and their son Koichi may or may not be accepted to Tokyo University. Money is tight, tensions are high, and then it all changes when Ruriko brings home Milk, a self-declared baby angel looking to get back to Heaven. Koichi and his dad believes Milk is annoying and needs to be committed, but when Milk is presented to live with the Tokyo family, nobody can resist her innocent sex appeal and mystical charm.
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Oh my goodness. Tia is an absolute beautiful AV model who has only been in the Japanese porn business for 3 years. Her exotic red hair, massive succulent H cup, and slender tight body creates Tia to be the center of gravity in “Milk the Maid.” Her innocent act as a baby angel looking to make her way back to Heaven from God’s approval, but first she much help those around her “reach heaven” first. You can imagine the troubles the male characters, Koichi and his father, go through are quickly extinguished and they see their fateful path to enlightenment. Supporting female cast members Mirei Yokoyama, another tight big breasted Japanese AV wonderment, and Ayum, a lesser known AV model but none-the-less still cute, round out this zany erotic comedy. The film opens with Mirei Yokoyama working it on a man; her absolutely gorgeous body had me convinced that she was the “star” of the film until I saw Tia. The exotic red hair and light skin and the cutesy fantasy-like appeal certainly outshines the rest of the cast.
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Though “Milk the Maid” ignites into a pretty common, yet spectacular, Japanese wacky erotic comedy – still quite hilarious at points – the characters do go through a rough patch and work through Milk’s heavenly-body ways in order to rekindle the lost spark back into the family and help them rediscover love. Another point to love this film is the sex scenes. Most pink films I’ve seen conjoin two people who seem to be contending on who can over sex the other. That’s not the case here as the sensual scenes are more, well, normal for lack of a better word. They’re still very sexy without creating an awkward viewing experience.
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“Milk the Maid” is another great hit and recent release for the pinkusploitation empire Pink Eiga. Long time pink film director Motosugu Watanabe strikes panty wet gold! Being one of the most revealing pink films that I’ve ever seen, I’m glad Tia had honed onto my radar and is now a object of my dreams. Catch this DVD either at your local video store’s back room or, and a much easier more convenient way, purchase it directly at Pink Eiga.com!