A Pair of Evil Jugs Seek to Take Over the World! “Killer Rack” review!

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Boobs. They are the supreme catalyst toward obtaining professional achievement. They are the driving force behind stabling a lustful relationship. They are the cat’s meow for curbed catcalling. For flat chested Betty, a cavernous cleavage praising society doesn’t show her a lick of titty-twisting respect, being the constant butt of a running joke for her asset-less figure, until she schedules a life altering, boob-enhancing appointment with Dr. Thulu, an uncredited and unlicensed plastic surgeon seeking the perfect, wholesome vessel to host her blood hungry, elder world creatures for planet domination. Betty’s implanted funbags are all but fun when the mammary monstrosities begin devouring hounding perverts when getting handsy with Betty’s girls. The diabolical double Ds slowly take control over Betty’s consciousness and will, eventually, take full mastery, but will true love put a permanent road block toward ruling the world?
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Horror-comedy “Killer Rack” is a Lovecraftian inspired schlock film from “Slice City” and it’s sequel, “Slime City Massacre,” director “Greg Lamberson and penned by Paul McGinnis, who also has a co-starring role. The slapstick riot embellishes the real life battle of young women’s self-esteem, the constant struggle with the female physique, and with lots and lots of different levels of sexual harassment to the point where “Killer Rack” is basically becomes a social awareness film. Even though “Killer Rack” is blatantly farcical, the representation of men objectifying women is quite scary and Lamberson and McGinnis hone very meticulously on every facet related from gawking to catcalling and from sleaziness to potential rape. The manufactured, boob-infatuated universe McGinnis and Lamberson create isn’t a far stretch from this one with every single scene so ingrained with breast obsession that’s, as an American, I feel almost ashamed of myself for watching “Killer Rack,” but my European bloodline revels in this type of perverse gratification.
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Lamberson, also known for his novel publications stemming from the early 2000s, continues his schlep of low-budget filmmaking over the course of three decades as a producer, writer, and director and the refreshing part of his career is that Lamberson has kept the course, providing fans of undiluted horror trash in a resilient body of work with “Killer Rack” being no exception. The ambitious undertaking stars a fresh faced indie actress Jessica Zwolak in the lead sporting the killer rack and Zwolak nails the intended comedy, pulling off the center of gravity gag numerous times post-implant surgery and being able to effectively switch between conscious Betty and puppet Betty. Surrounding Zwolak are collective years of a indie filmmaking experience that solidify Lamberson’s shtick filmmaking including long time industry leader and co-founder of Troma Entertainment, Lloyd Kaufman, being his great idiosyncratic character onscreen, but the buck doesn’t stop there with a roster of vets. The fiendish Dr. Thulu is embraced by one of the genre’s favorite, hard working indie scream queens Debbie Rochon (“Tromeo & Juliet,” “Dollface”) who submerses herself elbows deep into the film’s H.P. Lovecraft mythology. By far, my personal favorite genre star making a brief cameo was Roy Frumkes, the Jim Muro “Street Trash” businessman who melts away in a glorious death, reliving that well-known death scene once again but sprayed in the face this time with toxic breast milk!
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“Killer Rack” nestles snuggly in between the two dirty pillows that are indie pop culture and social undercurrents, but only hardcore fans who follow this particular niche filmmaking will understand and enjoy the special effects puppetry, the outlandish absurdity, and the homage barrage of references. Lamberson and McGinnis’ 2015 horror-comedy was completely made for us, the dedicated fans, and that’s also the downfall as many popcorn cinema goers will become lost and probably offended, especially in this particular modern culture. That’s why we should embrace actresses like Debbie Rochon, Jessica Zwolak, Brooke Lewis, and Brittani Hare for being strong and good-natured actresses for being subjected to culturally deplorable material delivered by the actors, such as by the one-man show that is Michael Thurber (“Sins of Dracula,” “Model Hunger”). The play on words titled film follows a very simple, if not already on some obsolete plane, structure of comedy that’s not necessarily a negative aspect of the film, but rather sets a modest tone for the whole blood thirsty boobies concept.
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Akin to Mitchell Lichtenstein’s “Teeth,” the Slaughtered Lamp Productions produced and Camp Motion Pictures home entertainment distributed “Killer Rack” provides a similar feministic horror in a screwball, dystopian world. The unrated DVD presents the film in an anamoprhic widescreen 1.78:1 aspect ratio with image quality that really details the budget. Flesh tones look natural, blacks are fairly solid, and no sign of major aliasing or compression issues. The English 2.0 audio sustains clean and clear quality throughout with forefront dialogue and appropriates ambient and sound effects properly during sequences of Chtulhu inspired bone crunching, blood splattering, and torso piercing. Bonus features are nicely stacked for “Killer Rack,” including a commentary track, deleted scenes, a behind-the-scenes featurette, a bonus short film “Kill the B!tch” and “The Camper,” and trailers. “Killer Rack” fondles around the sexual harassment issues and hilariously denaturalizes, as if implants weren’t already unnatural, with a diabolical pair of creature infested tatas!”

How can you say no to a “Killer Rack!” Buy it here at Amazon.com!

This Is One Evil Bunny! “Bunny Und Sein Killerding” review!

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An ambivalent group of people are under the relentless rampaging attack of a half man, half bunny. Kidnapped and given an unknown chemical cocktail, one man looking for creative inspiration in a quiet snowy woodland becomes forced to be the object of experimentation by armed and dangerous thugs, transforming him into a vicious hybrid seeking only one desire…fresh pussy. Shredding through every single body who stands in the beast’s path, the chances of surviving the snowy night dims rapidly in the isolated Finnish Mountainside. Under the sheath of dirty fur, the unstoppable creature runs wildly with large limp genitalia flailing about, ready to stick it anywhere and into everyone with, what constitutes as, a fleshy hole.
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“Bunny und sein Killerding,” otherwise known in English as “Bunny the Killer Thing,” is an insanely phallic and deranged creature feature with special needs under the madness of director Joonas Makkonen. Based off of Makkonen’s short film of the same name with a noticeably different storyline, both inhabit a mythically outlandish villain with a raging hard on and mouth agape to swallow any bulbous genitalia that’s ready for the taking. If you couldn’t tell already, Joonas Makkonen is a Finnish native and, thus, the film comes straight from Finland’s snowy landscape. München, Germany distribution company Tiberius Films releases Makkonne’s pet Bunny project onto a region 2 DVD given the reason for the German title “Bunny und sein Killerding.”
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Makkonen’s unorthodox and unpredictable story scratches at being bold and unprecedented with a maniacal furry woodland animal while still being relative with the typical tropes when creating a horrific atmosphere. When dissecting what the director does best, not one character has been penned to stand above amongst the group that continues a revolving door of hero and heroine perceptions, opening up possibilities for each character on all fronts to come forth for glory. A killer bunny with a veiny stiffy looking for the freshest of the snatches doesn’t even explain the absurd juvenility that went through the creation of this film. Yet at the same time, something has to be said about the endless amount of sleazy enjoyment being had into the viewing experience. A slimy guilt residue overtakes just one piece more of your remaining morality and innocence every time Matti Kiviniemi, in a shamelessly shoddy adult bunny outfit, twirls clockwise the at least ten-inch lifelike dildo in such a menacing and manic manner that it makes turning away from the screen that much HARDer.
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However, there’s plenty to dislike about this particular release and none of the negativity originates from the 2015 Finnish film. The Tiberius Films’ heavily edited treatment of this release has been reworked toward a more anti gun violence propaganda film rather than a bunny rocking out with a large cock out. About four minutes, most of it gun violence, has been purposefully omitted, resulting in a slew of choppy scenes that are attempting to piece together a coherent story. If you’re like me and never seen “Bunny the Killer Thing” before, then you may not know much better, construing a mental story about how foreign films sometimes just like to be too artsy. I did have an inkling that an edited disc was in my possession and I was unfortunately correct. The first two acts are passable in the reassembled manner, but the last act has been reduced to nothing more than shambles of it’s true, gory self and, disappointingly enough, the edit loses the required connectivity tissue needed to fire up the necessary neurons of associating scenes with one another. Pivotal scenes are harshly given the editorial boot to remove any type of explicit gun violence, leaving all overly graphic and icky parts of “Bunny und sein Killerding” involving firearms are solely on the Germany theatrical trailer.

Cut Scene from “Bunny und sein Killerding”


“Bunny the Killer Thing” runs the horror comedy at an uncut 88 minutes, but the Tiberius Films upcoming Region 2 DVD and Blu-ray December release will clock in at a shocking 84 minutes. Fortunately, the DVD and Blu-ray will be presented in a widescreen 2.35:1 aspect ratio with a German and Finnish Dolby Digital 5.1 surround sound and a German DTS option. I won’t be able to critique either the audio or video qualities as I was sent a press screener only; however the Ari Savonen and Janne Andberg special effects and the creations by the visual effects teams along with Makkonen’s directorial style dares to be big production and reminds me a lot of what the Spierig brothers accomplished with their Aussie zombie film “Undead” in 2003. Bonus features consists of a theatrical trailer, behind the scenes featurette, and Makkonen’s 17-minute plus short film of the same title. A remarkable class act of Finland and British actors comprises the film’s lineup in this raunchy and violent horror comedy including a stunning, on-point beauty in Enni Ojutkangas, Jari Manninen, Orwi Manny Ameh, Veera W. Vilo, Roope Olenius, Hiski Hämäläinen, Vincent Tsang, Marcus Massey, Katja Jaskari, Olli Saarenpää, Maria Kunnari, and Matti Kiviniemi as Bunny the killer thing. British actors, you say? Yes! Much like the Bunny creature, the film’s a bit a hybrid itself when on the topic of dialogue. The DVD and Blu-ray will have German or Finland audio tracks with German subtitles, but the natural dialogue track will be a combination of Finnish and English! In conclusion, I watched the film, but, at the same time, I didn’t because of the extreme cuts, whether to discourage gun violence or for whatever reason, made to the original runtime that reduced the intended gruesome firefight ending to nothing more than incomprehensible scenes resembling an intense slap fight.

UNCUT TRAILER!

Earn Your Evil Badge at Fat Camp! “Camp Massacre” review!

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Ten overly obese contestants compete on a boot camp type reality show to lose the extra pounds and have a chance at winning one million dollars in prize money. With intense health-crazed coaches, a strict unconventional exercise regiment, and a low-carb diet on the menu, things couldn’t be worse for the over weight competitors until people started to disappear and end up being murdered. Shedding the weight was literately the case as one-by-one a contestant’s eviscerated remains were discovered. Now the competition’s stakes have intensified and death is lurking around every corner. And we all thought fat shaming was worst that could happen to the weight challenged…
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“Camp Massacre,” “Massacre Camp,” “Summer Camp Massacre,” Klown Kamp Massacre.” No matter how you jumble up these specific words, a generic title is still a generic title and the title “Camp Massacre” puts a pre-viewing damper on a long night of film watching along with a cover splayed with a former porn starlet and Charlie Sheen ex-“goddess” Bree Olson, semi-retired wrestler Al Snow, and, well, some unknown hot brunette chick with a bloodied chainsaw who doesn’t appear to be a part of the cast. Going into “Camp Massacre” knowing that this title considers itself a horror-comedy had helped push myself into popping in the disc and pressing the play button or else this title might still be collecting cobwebs on the nightstand.
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The opening scene introduces the viewers to two young and attractive women and one large, unattractive woman in a hotel room discussing plans on what they’ll do tonight on a foreign island land which is undisclosed to us – looked like Key West, honestly. One of the women pondering going out on a night on the town is Bree Olson and before you know, Olson is fully and gratuitously nude in a sensual, extended shower scene and you all know what happens if you show your skin too soon in a horror movie! This ambiguously set and gratuitously shot segment proceeds into the main title and credits that slide right into the meat of the film that seemingly almost has nothing to do with the opener. The introductory scene barely hangs on even with the finale connection, but this thin connection creates an out of place awkward sequence that stands out like a sore thumb.
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Connectivity and longevity of story remembrance sums up co-directors Daniel Emery Taylor and Jim O’Rear’s experience in filmmaking. The two filmmakers also produce and star in this collaborated effort to bring comedy and horror to a Biggest Loser reality show parody and to homage their love for certain horror icons. The hot topic of obesity is currently in a state of widespread prevalence making “Camp Massacre” relevant to the world’s personal and social problems that the media hops on, but the real question is did directors Taylor and O’Rear succeed in making a good comedic and horrifying quasi-film out of movie about obesity? That conclusion is all in the eye of the beholder and all in the interpretation of the viewer.
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Is “Camp Massacre” a horror film? Yes. Is “Camp Massacre” a comedy movie? Yes. Is “Camp Massacre” a good horror-comedy? On a scale from one to ten, with ten being the highest – a three. Let me explain; the killer is written as a chubby villain with a “Six Pack, Abs” red apron and a Kentucky Fried Chicken family bucket on his head for a mask. If the killer’s looks intended to be a hoot, then there was a monumental failure. The killer’s arsenal is a collection of obviously off-colored prop knives and machetes that could be considered costume jewelry or packaged costume outfit accessories for party goers. The death effects are a bag of cheap tricks which are not sold convincingly and don’t bring the blood in which “Massacre” implies. The one single element going for “Camp Massacre” being a horror film – or even within the standards of a comedy – is the amount of nudity. Bree Olson, Megan Hunt, Amy Boyatt, and even Taylor’s wife, Ami Taylor, succumb to the conventions of a campy horror film and reveal the goods for the world to bear-witness. My only question is, where was Ava Cronin’s nude scene?
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As far as the comedy side of this horror-comedy, “Camp Massacre” delivers on some levels mostly hanging around on a slapstick and immaturity elements. Daniel Emery Taylor’s character Greg paired with T.J. Moreschi’s Andy couldn’t ask for a better coupling as a budding duo who compliment each other’s wits with different character personalities. Add in a self absorbed narcissist body guard (who on the DVD cover looks like a coach with a whistle and clipboard) character named Ritz played by the bulky wrestler Al Snow and you’ll get a chuckle or two out of this feature. Ritz delivers quirky quips like “everything is good on top of a Ritz” during the scenes right moment. However, much of the comedy misses the mark and also just comes off as saying a lot of “fucks” in the dialogue which becomes stale after a first twenty. Simply put, the comedy is overly clichéd, but can still give you a half-assed tickling.
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I’m not overtly excited about “Camp Massacre’s” characters either. Greg, Andy, and Ritz are fine and I’m found the homosexual Jarrod and the hispanic Josue to be entertaining. The rest of the cast seemed a bit tired. Actor William S. Tolliver was either sitting or laying flat the whole movie which was probably due to his weight, but the character became old as Tolliver didn’t express much versatility for an immobile character. Darc Ness, played by Ernest Douglas Nichols, didn’t bring the Goth attitude I had hoped. The character mixed Goth and serenity blending the persona into a off-key concoction. Most of the cast have worked with Taylor and O’Rear and have become their own heavy set version of entourage. What the film needed was more Michael Myers portrayer Dick Warlock, but that’s neither here nor there.
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The MVDVisual DVD dons a 1.78:1 widescreen transfer that looks decent except for a bit of posterizing after the opening credits in the darker scenes. The Dolby Digital 2.0 mix does well channeling and prioritizing the dialogue, but some production issues weigh heavy on an uneven mic placements causing slight interference from scene to scene. For disc extras, there is solely the movie’s trailer. Overall, “Camp Massacre” doesn’t deserve to be completely passed over, but I wouldn’t expect instantaneous cult status or life changing acting nor an outer-body experience in filmmaking. Instead, take “Camp Massacre” for what it’s worth; a bunch of fat guys at boot camp being stalked by a bucket head killer with Al Snow and lots of nudity. Where can you go wrong with all that?

Pornstar Priya Rai Couldn’t Erect this Evil! “Isis Rising: Curse of the Lady Mummy” review!

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King Osiris and his black magic queen Isis rule ancient Egypt and were beloved by all. All except Osiris’s brother Set whose envy led to the murderous slain of Osiris. Isis, heartbroken and vengeful, tries to use her black magic to rise Osiris from the grave and seek revenge on all who wished their demise. In the middle of Isis’s ritual, Set interrupts and decides to dismember his brother’s body in order for the ritual not come to fruition and snaps Isis’s neck to ensure his will, but Isis’s vow to return and curse anyone who stands in her way. Present day, a college research group along side an Egyptian historian stay overnight at a closed history museum to study closely lost Egyptian artifacts. Isis’s spirit is accidentally released from her sarcophagus and seeks to finish what she began by taking the body parts from the research students in order to reconstruct the body her love Osiris and put the world into an eternal damnation.

“Isis Rising: Curse of the Lady Mummy” resembles the much loved late night Cinemax skin flicks without any of the nudity or the sex. All the elements are there: busty women, bad acting, and the underlined plot that is overshadowed by the soft core love scenes. From the DVD cover and the two well established porno industry actors in this film, one would, without a doubt, conclude that “Isis Rising” would fall right into the middle of that sleazy category. What the Lisa Palenica directed film is is a C-movie production that attempts to take itself seriously in the horror genre with completed results that are whole-heartedly felt in micro-budget, non-horrific, and non-stimulating, efforts.
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Priya Rai is a big busted porn star of Indian background and she headlines the film as the vengeful Isis and while Priya isn’t riding the big Egyptian camel hump, her role is severely limited in dialogue and in on screen appearances. Isis’s powers include turning into a digestible body inhabiting mist, fireball conjuring, and teleportation, but Isis’s real threats are her massive chest bombs – bigger and pointier than the great Egyptian pyramids themselves. To be technical about the film’s title, Isis isn’t even a mummy. Yet the film’s subtitle is “Curse of the Lady Mummy.” The definition of mummy is the preservation of the body by removing internal organs and treat the body with resins and wraps. Isis is more like a spiritual demon and this oil should ought to be bettered labeled and regarded as “Curse of the Lady Egyptian” rather than “Curse of the Lady Mummy.” That is, if you wanted to be technical.
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James Bartholet, mainly a supporting actor in all those XXX parody movies, makes his presence felt as the bumbling and perverted security guard Harry. The rest of the cast is rounded out with relatively unknowns with minor film credits to their names. Director Lisa Palenica also had a role in the film as Felicia, the goth girl who probably received one of the better death scenes in the movie. The characters are a rather stereotypical horror ensemble. There is the jock, the nerd, the hot chick, her goth-hipster friend, the nerdy asian girl, and pot head who ends up smoking the resurrection essence that awakens Isis from her slumber dooming all to savagry, as well as seductively, of detaching limbs and heads from the characters’ bodies. The only character that has girth and background value is Isis with her tragic backstory filled with treachery and black magic. Killing off characters is a lot more understandable when there is a motive.
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The special effects are truly shameful, especially in a time where CGI has been perfected to the point where anybody with a Mac computer can create stunning effects. “Isis Risings” doesn’t even seem to try by implementing seriously awkward post-CGI effects, Halloween prop store plastic severed limbs, and even going as far as adding in fake exhaled smoke from our essence-high smokers. Some of the Egyptian scenes in the beginning reminded me of how Mortal Kombat 1 and 2 looked on a Sega Genesis console with the still background and the engaged, superimposed fighters. Some of the more practical effects where encouraging, but only a few scenes had those types of effects.
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“Isis Rising: Curse of the Lady Mummy” resurrects another disappointment in the ever-failing Egyptian related horror genre. When will Brendan Frasier’s “The Mummy” ever be dethroned? Perhaps Alexandre Aja’s “The Pyramid” will be the next ruler of such said genre. Tom Cat Films, a production company much like Asylum Entertainment, develops the film into reality but “Isis” fails to wrap itself into a neat little mummified package of terror. I would rather have seen more of Priya Rai conducting ominously seductive measures in her quest of blood and resurrection and a little more effort in the effects, because if you’re going to have a porn star headline your film, you might as well go all Sasha Grey-out and make the experience worth wild. But don’t take my word for it and judge for yourself by heading over to MVDVisual and purchasing “Isis Rising: Curse of the Lady Mummy.”

Nudity Report

Priya Rai – Body Painted Boobs

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Evil Does a Body Good! “Milk the Maid” review!

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Ruriko’s family is on steep decline: Ruriko’s fooing around with other men, her husband has no job, and their son Koichi may or may not be accepted to Tokyo University. Money is tight, tensions are high, and then it all changes when Ruriko brings home Milk, a self-declared baby angel looking to get back to Heaven. Koichi and his dad believes Milk is annoying and needs to be committed, but when Milk is presented to live with the Tokyo family, nobody can resist her innocent sex appeal and mystical charm.
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Oh my goodness. Tia is an absolute beautiful AV model who has only been in the Japanese porn business for 3 years. Her exotic red hair, massive succulent H cup, and slender tight body creates Tia to be the center of gravity in “Milk the Maid.” Her innocent act as a baby angel looking to make her way back to Heaven from God’s approval, but first she much help those around her “reach heaven” first. You can imagine the troubles the male characters, Koichi and his father, go through are quickly extinguished and they see their fateful path to enlightenment. Supporting female cast members Mirei Yokoyama, another tight big breasted Japanese AV wonderment, and Ayum, a lesser known AV model but none-the-less still cute, round out this zany erotic comedy. The film opens with Mirei Yokoyama working it on a man; her absolutely gorgeous body had me convinced that she was the “star” of the film until I saw Tia. The exotic red hair and light skin and the cutesy fantasy-like appeal certainly outshines the rest of the cast.
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Though “Milk the Maid” ignites into a pretty common, yet spectacular, Japanese wacky erotic comedy – still quite hilarious at points – the characters do go through a rough patch and work through Milk’s heavenly-body ways in order to rekindle the lost spark back into the family and help them rediscover love. Another point to love this film is the sex scenes. Most pink films I’ve seen conjoin two people who seem to be contending on who can over sex the other. That’s not the case here as the sensual scenes are more, well, normal for lack of a better word. They’re still very sexy without creating an awkward viewing experience.
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“Milk the Maid” is another great hit and recent release for the pinkusploitation empire Pink Eiga. Long time pink film director Motosugu Watanabe strikes panty wet gold! Being one of the most revealing pink films that I’ve ever seen, I’m glad Tia had honed onto my radar and is now a object of my dreams. Catch this DVD either at your local video store’s back room or, and a much easier more convenient way, purchase it directly at Pink Eiga.com!

Nudity Report

Tia – Breasts / Ass / Censored Vagina

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Mirei Yokoyama – Breasts / Ass / Censored Vagina

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Ayum – Breasts

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