Merry Kirstmas to all! “Bigfoot vs Krampus” on DVD!
With Christmas time approaching and the Illuminati forces on the retreat, the Allies are in high spirits. Space rough neck Van Helsing considers taking his relationship with Allied Forces leader Princess Kali to the next level. Unfortunately Satan is set to ruin the moment. From the depths of Hell, the wicked Lord Of Darkness summons the demon spirit of Christmas, Krampus to wreak havoc on the living. Upon hearing the news, the clone of magician Aleister Crawley joins forces with the reptilian form of General Stalin and the Illuminati to mount a Christmas Eve attack on the Allies forcing Van Helsing and Kali to take drastic action. With help from the rowdy space rouge Bigfoot, the Allied Forces bait a syndicate of monsters to help take down the fiendish Krampus and restore peace to the galaxy.
Usually, I write my own storyline synopsis for the physical releases I provide review coverage for as there’s something about firsthand accounts that interpret more clearly and is more detailed in story events than the tagline plot that can be misleading at times, whether be a false marketing ploy to sham potential viewers into watching or goes to the other extreme with a less-than-desirable summary of drab when really the movie is much more magical, but with the 2021 released “Bigfoot vs Krampus,” the bizarre synopsis is worth every word count calorie. Coming off the heels of a decent bigfoot picture from 1976 (“Creature from Blake Lake”) and playing into the festive Christmas holiday theme with the anti-Santa folklore, I was fingers crossed and impossibly hopeful to be two-for-two in the Sasquatch saga that kills two birds with one stone in doing my duty watching holiday-horror. Boy was I terribly mistaken. “Bigfoot vs Krampus” is just a full-length computer-generated cog in the machine of writer-and-director BC Fourteen and is a part of his so-bad-they’re bad versus film lot of an unofficial science fiction, comedic and satirical saga of generally evil in nature icons facing off against one another….in space. “Bigfoot vs the Illuminati,” “Bigfoot vs Megalodon,” and even “Trumpocalypse Now!” and “Trump vs the Illuminati” really speak the filmmaker’s political stance as well really speak volumes on the filmmaker’s wayward clashes of alternative universes that amalgamates characters from horror, sci-fi, folklore, and video games into battle beyond the stars cratered epic. From executive producer Tony Cliftonson and producer Randall Finings, both involved with “Tickles the Clown, another spinoff in BC Fourteen’s gonzo-galaxy epic, “Bigfoot vs Krampus” is a production and a presentation of indie distributor Ruthless Studios.
“Bigfoot vs Krampus” is total, 100% computer-generated graphics with only voiceovers to bring the highly kinetic, standing-in-place characters to resemble something that looks like life. BC Fourteen doesn’t stray too far from his regular voice talent as many of the same characters reoccur or popup randomly in this galactic gasbag of all talk and little action. When not voicing family friendly films, Marco Guzmán finds himself fouling the language barrier of space as he lends his vocals to the majority of principal leads and supporting char acters, such as the titular hairy primate Bigfoot who in the film sounds like a bastardized, sonorous, and raspy version of Fat Albert. Guzmán also voices another principal lead in Van Helsing, the 16th clone of the original vampire slayer. Known by his friends as V.H., Van Helsing looks less like a doctor with a stake and more like the Master Chief from Halo, never removing his helmet as he spews surefooted cockiness across the galaxy. Guzmán also voices the reptilian form of a reincarnated Joseph Stalin as well as the Egyptian sun God, Ra, who has ambiguous loyalties but can be useful to the allies as an all-seeing eye of the universe. Carli Radar voices humanities last hope and hero, Kali. The allied forces leader is pregnant with V.H.’s baby, a contentious sore point for Van Helsing who felt tricked into providing Kali a progeny, but has to become mankind and the illuminati, stereotypical green Martians with big black eyes and small mouths, last leader when the Illuminati’s Princess is destroyed by Krampus (who is oddly not listed as being voiced in the film’s credits), Satan’s partner in clinching power over the allies. The voice talent rounds out with Nate Trevors, Edson Camacho, Wes Bruff, Leslie Parsons, Simon Daigle, Carl Folds, Robert Forth, and BC Fourteen.
What do Bigfoot, Krampus, Megalodon, Clowns, The Terminator, Dummy Dolls, The Boogie Man, Werewolves, Satan, Anubis, Ra, and Jack Skeleton all have in common? BC Fourteen CGI’d their likeness into his…I don’t even know how to classify the film. I’ve had a run-in with a BC Fourteen film 8 years ago with 2014’s “Werewolf Rising” when the Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania-born filmmaker went under the name BC Furtney and aside from a stellar performance by the always captivating Bill Oberst Jr. and Irena Murphy baring a full moon going snout-to-nips with a werewolf, “Werewolf Rising received a mixed review but was still comprehensible with a start, middle, and an end. Though I stress the comedic and satire, a precaution must be instilled as the unfunny “Bigfoot vs Krampus” drags through the mud a trove of select horror and sci-fi pop icons in carbon copy tiny spaceships, flying around in a muddlesome mess, and rendered completely unnatural in an advanced resemblant version of the Goldsrc engine – you should see Bigfoot run down the ship’s corridors. If “Bigfoot vs Krampus’ were a series of cinematic story intercuts sewn together with gameplay axed entirely, I would believe it, and I’m sure, having spot check a few of the sequels, prequels, and spinoffs of the same caliber, that some animated scenes are recycled. There’s definitely recycling happening in this feature. If the war between the Illumanti-Humans-Bigfoot allied forces and every evildoer under the sun wasn’t thematic enough, the pseudonymous BC Fourteen throws in Van Helsing’s struggle with conscious as the cloned hired mercenary with legendary blood lineage skips town and on his baby’s mama because he does not feel appreciated in a fight that’s technically not his. The director also adds a subplot of Bigfoot checking in with old friend, and apparently cafe barista, Anubis to make sure the Sun Deity Ra isn’t fibbing about Van Helsing’s unexpected demise at the hands of Krampus. Everything does circle back around to an open-ended showdown for that next exposition heavy installment of intergalactic garbage made with no heart, no respect and very little effort.
If the synopsis didn’t frighten you off from watching the film, text pulled word-for-word from the Ruthless Pictures’ DVD back cover, I surely hope this review left you with a bit of common sense prior to watching a cool and kitschy what if versus scenario. The Ruthless Pictures DVD presents the glossy computer graphics in a widescreen 1.78:1 aspect ratio. I will admit the animation provides here-and-there tactile moments, such as battle scuffs on robots or the ridges, grooves, and lighting on Krampus’s curled horns. All the animation looks about the same throughout, leaving a one-note taste that’s hard to wash out, but the at times, the CGI provides that nice ragdoll feel for humanoids Van Helsing and Kali and the lighting/shading does make appear more luxurious. Compression issues include background banding and splotches in darker spaces, but for the majority of the feature, those issues are limited. Though no listed on the DVD’s attributes, my players states “Bigfoot vs Krampus” has a single audio option – a Dolby Digital 2.0. For a science-fiction baster war, the lossy format is a lackluster that doesn’t surprisingly match all the other qualities, pushing out a mediocre 5-6Mbps average. Option English subtitles are available under the static menu. The DVD is a bare bones release with zero bonus content. The DVD is encoded region free and has a runtime of a merciful 70 minutes. Bigfoot films are back in the dumps again for this reviewer as “Bigfoot vs Krampus” is a flurry of insipidity and, the worst part of it all, it doesn’t add anything to the Christmas holiday horror subgenre with the Krampus module built-in for the sake of impersonating a something about as old as it’s folklore, a space invader.
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