Dealt an Evil Hand! The Dark Dealer review!

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Whacked Movies are back again with another release distributed by MVD. You might remember the last release I reviewed a little over a month ago called Repligator – a pure gem and the epitome of movie making let me tell you – but don’t let Repligator ruin your appetite for Whacked Movies as the company wants to bring you outrageous, ridiculous, out of this world flicks you might have not known existed. This time Whacked Movies travel back in time returning to the 1990s and dig up a horror anthology entitled The Dark Dealer which feels like Schindler’s List in comparison to Repligator.

The Dark Dealer involves a game of chance; a game surrounded by death and to damn your soul to hell for all eternity. Three lives are at stake, three souls doomed, and a win at the game of Black Jack is all that stands in their way for salvation or a tomb of torture. Three souls with three different horrifying stories to tell while their fate lies within the hands of the Dark Dealer.

The creation of Satan

The creation of Satan


Talk about straight out of the nineties! The mullets, the jean jackets, the high top sneakers, the prosthetic horror effects! The Dark Dealer meshes campiness and horror really well while providing some really neat and effective special effects. The names Tom Alexander, Wynn Winberg, and Bob Trevino won’t turn heads or raise any eyebrows, but these unknown creators are the crew behind The Dark Dealer – Tom Alexander and Wynn Winberg are the directors and Bob Trevino supervised special effects. Trevino has had a decent resume with Machete and Predators under. Virtually the cast and the crew are a bunch of unknowns and that doesn’t hurt my viewing experience one bit because being so enthralled with effects that could compare to Hellraiser or From Beyond and just as fun I had no problem looking back the faces of unknown actors and actresses.

The talent behind the camera can’t go ignored either as the cinematography is the other half of why The Dark Dealer should receive more appreciation. You can’t make a puppet look like a puppet. There needs to be life behind the monster. I’m surprised none of these people have ever gone to do bigger and better projects, but I guess that is life in Hollywood.

Each story is of course it’s own entity. First story involves Satan. Second story haunts. While the third story explores more the sci-fi side of horror. I can’t divulge anymore in the detail because I don’t spoil a potential diamond in the rough movie. Not a bad score for Whacked Movies as this is only their second movie to be picked up. You should check out the trailer below, check out Whacked Pictures simplistic website, and purchase The Dark Dealer from my friends over at MVD website.

Evil Gets Sleazy! Sexcula review!

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Alright! Vintage horror porn! Well, maybe not vintage, but definitely retro porn! Director John Holbrook directs his own horror spoof Sexcula in 1974 nearly 40 years prior to the more recent spoof entitled This Ain’t Dracula XXX. Neither flick will scare your pants off, but somehow your pants will still come off especially with Debbie Collin’s as the sleazy Countess Sexcula!

This campy sexcapade blends horror with hardcore, bushy pornography that includes a the horny Countess Sexcula, a buxom blonde that can’t wait to sink her teeth into the next willing male, and her cousin Dr. Fallatingstein, a saucy brunette who builds a pleasure mate with a serious flaccid problem. Sexcula is brought in to help her cousin in trying to “lift” her mate’s spirits with various seductive pleasures and other depraved methods.

Striptease Gorilla!

Striptease Gorilla!

Honestly, I’ve never heard of Sexcula so when I popped the Synapse and Impulse Picture’s disc into the player, I was pleasantly shocked that Sexcula turned out to be a full-fledged pornographic movie; once I saw the tip of the penis being swirled around the lips of Debbie Collins I knew I was in for a treat! Collin’s doesn’t just get naked, she gets naked plus performing scene after scene and perform the nasty after the nasty while a loose plot is woven in throughout…somewhere….you just have to kind of look past the sex to see the plot.

Sexcula becomes a bit kinky too. In order to get Dr. Fallatingstein’s man in working order, Sexcula conducts a striptease with a Gorilla involved! A sex-bot lies motionless on a table ready and willing to receive any throbbing member even from Orgie (prnounced Or-g) the lonely hunchback Quasimodo-type character. Also, and I think this is the most perverse part of the movie, the stick-it-to-the-institution-of-marriage porn scene where a couple can’t wait to say “I do” before a foursome madness ensues. The scene also brings a new meaning to “wife-swapping” as the bride takes on not only the groom, but the best man and the priest too!

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If the plot was given more thought and a better writing to it’s campiness, Sexcula would have been a stellar hit in porno world. I’d would have liked to have seen more horror a long with the sex, but with any porn spoof like This Ain’t Dracula XXX or Evil Head you have to unbalance the plot with more humor than horror or else the feel of the film more turn more into a snuff film. With the lushness of 1970s horror with the UK Hammer horror films and the United States’ exploitative films, the Canadians could not capitalize or even utilize the horror elements and instead focused more on peace and leave – the way the 70’s are stereotypically viewed.

I’m also disappointed that Jamie Orlando, Dr. Fallatingstein, didn’t grace us with her body. But I shouldn’t be bashing Sexcula; I shouldn’t be expecting more than what meets the eye; I should take things at face value. What should I expect from a movie named Sexcula? Just a ravaging romp of lots of hot un-condomized sex ready to spread all the love and diseases one could handle! Bring on the Sexcula and I must have SEX on the mind because I just reviewed another sex-titled filmed Sexsquatch which you can read my review of the film here.

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Evil LIVES in the Shadows! Midnight Son review!

midnight son3What really makes the hair bristles stand straight up on my arm is a really obscure and overlooked vampire movie.  Not because I’m savagely frightened by the content, but because those films that don’t make the theater cut or have a promotional parade across the internet just get the shaft and my heart breaks when the thought occurs to me that I never would have come across such a movie if I wasn’t such a die hard horror enthusiast.  My review tonight is about one of those overlooked, passed on the rental shelves, not selected at the Redbox movies called Midnight Son.

A lonely night security guard named Jacob has a rare condition in which his skin literally burns when exposed to sunlight.  Jacob also can’t quench his hunger with any food with the exception of fresh human blood.  The doctors tell him his condition is Anemia due his malnutrition, but Jacob dreads his ailment to something more dark.  When he falls for a pretty vendor girl Mary, his condition kicks into overdrive and drives his cravings to an all new heights causing blackouts, terrible dreams, demonized eyes and a irresistible craving for blood.  Before Jacob realizes that what his newfound symptoms are really about, he’s already committed dastardly deeds that will change his once dull and lonely. life.

The subtly of the film helps draw me into Jacob’s loneliness and awkwardness.  His role in Midnight Son comes off as a young man’s journey of self discovery and that discovery is his transition into becoming a creature of the night – a vampire.  Much of Jacob’s backstory is omitted from us with only a picture of him as a young boy with a cast on his arm is revealed.  The cast represents his lifelong ailment of not being able to withstand the UV rays of the sun.  Other than that image of Jacob, we know of no father, mother, siblings, or childhood home for that matter of Jacob’s past.  His background is as mysterious as his condition, but Tracey Walter, legendary sidekick actor (Batman, Conan The Destroyer), hints at his metamorphosis with the epiphany statement, “like caterpillar turning into a butterfly.”  My main question is is Jacob really transitioning or is he just now realizing, after all these years, the vampire qualities?  He tries to confirm his suspicions by placing a makeshift cross on his forehead wondering if he’ll scold him – he retrieved the idea from Stephen Geoffry’s Evil Ed character in Fright Night.  A good reference to use!  However, Jacob is no Evil Ed and not even close.  There are no extended canines, his reflection still reflects, and he can’t turn into a fierce winged blood sucking creature.  There is no coffin to be had here.  Midnight Son resembles similar movies like George Romero’s Martin or Larry Fessenden’s Habit where the idea of the vampire is so instilled in the character’s mind that is hard to believe the character is not a vampire, but Jacob is the real McCoy and that proves itself amongst the other characters we encounter – Mary and Marcus.

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Mary becomes Jacob’s love interest.  Their meeting happens by chance and no vampire allure was against her free will or that of we know, but Mary has her own vices.  She is also a night owl who likes to party in more ways than one – long party entrance lines and long lines of coke.  Mary vices are overshadowed by her feelings of endearment toward Jacob; she wants to take of him to perhaps give her purpose in life where she won’t have to vendor lollipops outside the local bar (this is where they met).  Jacob realizes how slammin’ Mary’s body is and how much affection she displays him.  Director Scott Lebercht could have explored this more and given more of a reason why Mary falls for an awkward, nocturnal security guard who thwarts not one, not two, but three of her advances to rock his nosferatu world.  Perhaps Lebercht wanted to show that no matter the misshaped character, there will always be someone out there in the world looking for a hardship case to take care of.

Now even though Mary has a fantastic body and a cute overbite (don’t ask), Marcus is quite the interesting character.  This thug sells drugs and blood out back besides the biohazard dumpsters of the hospital where he works – “everybody has their thing,” he says and it’s true that everybody has their thing, their vice, their habit, their overall weird hobby.  Marcus exploits other people’s addictions and makes a criminal living doing it as a side job, but when Marcus can’t shake Jacob’s relentless need for blood, Marcus’s thuggish bite pushes and shoves an object that will literally bite him back.  Jacob’s antagonist is Marcus because after their confrontation, they become one and the same.

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The best scene in the entire movie is the last.  The scene brings the movie’s rating “contains strong gory images” to light however still tame I think the scene might be, but at least we get some sort of blood satisfaction and I love how the characters embrace and bask in their enlightened stages which begs to question – is this the beginning to the end of humanity once a reluctant embraces their true self?  I’d like to see a follow up to Lebercht film and, as a side note, on my edition of Midnight Son – provided by Eureka Entertainment Monster Pictures division (thank you!) – states this film is from the director of The Blair Witch Project, but I don’t see Lebercht’s name connected to The Blair Witch Project.  Am I missing some key information here?  If you want the Monster Picture’s edition – being released February 11th – instead of the Image Entertainment’s edition, you’ll need a region free player as Monster PIctures is based in the UK.  However, I wouldn’t like something little like crossing the Atlantic stop you from seeing Midnight Son!

On the Evil Chopping Block! Midnight Son (2011)

Monster Pictures was gracious enough to send me a copy of their latest release Midnight Son!  This is a UK release and, luckily, I have a cheap region free player.  Directed by Scot Lebercht (The Blair Witch Project), I’m interested to see how this film plays out as a “lonely young security guard Jacob (Zak Kilberg) has a terrible secret.  He can’t stand the sun, he rarely goes outside, and lately his unquenchable hunger can only be tamed by one thing: fresh blood.  When he hits it off with pretty young Mary (Maya Parish) who has some issues of her own, his craving kicks into overdrive as his monstrous inner demon beings to come out… and nothing will ever be the same again.”

Sounds like it could be a winner and so far, it has Tracey Walter in it!  Good enough start.  Review will come shortly after.

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Vampires Can Be Your Evil Saviors! The Caretaker Review!

The-CaretakerDon’t quite count out the vampire genre just yet.  Like the blood thirsty undead, the vampire genre just keeps resurrecting.  Vampire films might be critically castrated for the majority of the time, but there are times when a vampire film just had a lot of heart, especially in a no to low-budget project like the film I’m reviewing in this article – The Caretaker.  Directory Tom Conyers has no feature film directing experience.  Actor Mark White has no feature film acting experience.  Must can be said about the rest of the cast while a couple of them also worked in shorts and television series, but The Caretaker is a real test for the cast on such a venturous storyline.

Mosquito bites cause what many believe to be an epidemic of the flu in the area of Melbourne, Australia.  What the residents of Melbourne believed were wrong…dead wrong.  The bites cause the victims to turn into vampires that reaches out beyond the lines of Melbourne and spread across the world.  A small, on-edge group of four humans hold up on a small vineyard plantation where a vampire has claimed his nest.  In exchange for their protection during the day, the vampire offers his protection against his own kind at night.  The tension is thick not only between human and vampire, but also between human and human.

Now not to rain down on The Caretaker’s parade even though I do like the movie, but I feel there is always too much melodrama.  Melodrama seems to be a plague for many low-budget horror films just because the crew can’t add in top dollar special effects to entertain leaving a “talking head” movie syndrome inevitable.  But I can divulge that the fact that in spite there being melodrama spewing from every orifice, this doesn’t make The Caretaker a bad movie.  The characters are complex enough to welcome some of the “talking head” script.  There are internal conflicts in the characters themselves and they are also projected upon the other survivors causing turmoil in the house or “nest.”

When I said that many low-budget horror films just don’t have the dough to afford high-tech special effects, I didn’t intend on that to mean that The Caretaker’s effects were awful.  I rather enjoyed the effects as they were minimal and believable.  Some effects make a movie campy, but The Caretaker was all serious business and took the vampire story on a different level with an earnest commitment.  Mark White’s as the protective vampire Dr. Ford Grainger who never reveals a good side or an evil side.  We just know he is a bad ass vampire vampire slayer.  The human characters give off the same complexities with only Colin McPherson’s character Lester portraying anything that resembles a villain as the 50-year-old creepy vineyard owner who loves to chase after young women and that young woman happens to be the manic depressed Annie played by Anna Burgess.  Guy and Ron round out the last of the characters played by Clint Dowdell and Lee Mason and these two are buddy buddy at first until Annie’s secret comes to the forefront and then it is game on between the four humans and the lone vampire.

The Caretaker won’t knock your socks off, but comes off as a decent vampire genre flick.  Don’t expect flying body parts or gruesome scenes of vampire attacks with blood squirting in every direction.  Take it in like a worth seeing television soap drama and try to see the heart in the center like I did.  Then, after it is all over and you still didn’t care for The Caretaker, you can rip out that heart and eat with a side of lima beans and wash it down with a nice cold beer, but hey, at least you gave it a try, right?

Trailer for The Caretaker