Evil Will Lock You Up Forever! Iron Doors review!

IDMVDA young investment banker awakes with a major headache and trapped inside a vault. Having no idea how he landed inside this death trap, he struggles to find a way out before he dies of dehydration or starvation. As he tries to piece together who has an immoral vendetta against him, an escape from the vault leaves him desperate and energy spent while the questions of his mysterious circumstances are almost too much for his mind to bare.

We’ve seen this type of movie before where one or more people wake up to find that they have no idea where they are or how they got there. Iron Doors plays on top of that age old aspect that normally what scares the crap out of people – the unknown. Iron Doors resembles a lot like 1997’s Cube without the traps. Instead, the rooms are filled with different objects that might or might not leave foreboding clues to their whereabouts – such as a coffin and a grave. The idea behind these types of movies, which also include the first two Saw movies and Ryan Reynolds Buried, are giant concepts and yet somehow these filmmakers, including Iron Doors director Stephen Manuel, are able to take the minimalistic routes and produce a thrilling story.

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However, unlike Saw and Cube, Iron Doors ending bares a big disappointment and leaves the audience more questions than answers. I can tell you that the ending left me yearning for more answers, but I guess we have to make our own conclusions and nothing can just be handed to us as a freebie. I hope this won’t spoil too much or if any at all about the movie, but I want to provide my own interpretation of the status on our main character actor Axel Wedekind and his companion actress Rungano Nyoni, an African woman who doesn’t speak a lick of English. I strongly believe the characters are dead and have been stuck in limbo where the duo must be capable to work together, supporting each other to dig, chisel, and survive their way out of the vaults. The clues are this, and I’ve mention these two already, the coffin and the open grave. Two straight forward signs of recent death. Also, when Axel wakes up in his vault, what accompanies him is a maggot infested dead rat and that, again, suggests that death surrounds him. When Axel tries to recall what he was doing before he awoke in the vault, he states that he was out at the bar (he continuously states that he will never drink again) and didn’t know where he left his car suggesting that Axel was very intoxicated and probably crashed his car, killing himself in a DUI incident. Rungano, in subtitles, mentions being from Africa where we know genocide and disease plague most of the un-urbanized parts of the lands. Rungano’s traditional outfit suggests that she leaves in a primitive tribe. A bit of a stretch on my end, I know. Plus, the vault itself is supernatural and every time the characters enter a new room they are confronted by the same four walls and a vault door, but only the objects are different.

The film never really picks up the pace and sometimes the tediousness of the characters’ attempts to escape are captured too long in a scene extending the scene way past it’s prime. Their survival instincts, drinking their own urine, eating maggots, using a discovered oxygen tank for air, are seemingly instinctively smart, but realistically very ill-advised. We can only blame panic on the part of Axel, but opposite Axel, Rungano is calmer and level headed yet she is persuaded by Axel who has been awake three days longer than Rungano. Yet desperation gets the better of her when knowing her existence is near end and breaks down to enjoy compassionate love with a barely alive Axel in what could be their last hours on, what they believe, is their world.

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MVD releases the Germany born and bred English spoken Iron Doors, a suspenseful thriller I would recommend for any fans of Cube or Buried. If you’re claustrophobic, then I’m sorry because you probably will not enjoy this film; you’ll most likely suffocate at the idea of being locked in a small room with a dead rat. Purchase the film at MVD!

Evil Nymphomaniac Alligator Women! Repligator!

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Tired of trying to comprehend a director’s secretive meaning behind his scenes? Tired of trying to solve the mysterious puzzle that opens the life or death box? Tired of the reverse scenes that attempt to tell the story without having to be linear? Sometimes these filmmaking artistic techniques become too tiresome leaving you weary eyed and frustrated. Sometimes scenes just need to be clear cut, plain-jane simple, and meticulously mindless. You’re in luck because Repligator is just that – no hidden meanings, no twisted edited, and no problem solving that requires a T-Model calculator.

A classified military experiment, involving the idea of a G.I soldier being replicated to double the military infantry numbers without recruitment, has gone array as the replicator turns the strong, gun-ho male privates into brain-washed nymphomaniac women who much rather expose their privates. Also, when these women experience the slightest orgasm, they transform into scaly, mutant alligators and once bitten by one of these alligator women, their victims turn into homosexual zombies! Wait…what?

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Yeah, I’m still trying to wrap my head around the premise of this erotica laden, senseless film (if you want to call it that) by budget director Bret McCormick. I had pre-determined that Repligator had a simple plot – military experience turns women into alligators – but I was incorrect. And just for the record, the alligators are more like rejected raptor prop heads from Jurassic Park resembling nothing like an alligator. The writing is so over the board that I’m pretty sure the amped up hyper Richard Simmons wrote the script.

I’m still trying to comprehend the gay zombies; at least I’m pretty sure the gator-bitten victims were turned into gay zombies as they ignored the advances, and pretty much everything else, of the half naked women and not the male leads. Speaking on the subject of half naked women, the legs with breast weren’t too shabby for this mid-90s late night creature feature that might have once been given a showing or two on the Syfy channel.

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I shouldn’t pass on discussing Gunnar Hansen’s role in Repligator; Hansen may headline the movie, but his role is minimal as scientists telling a story of how everything went wrong. He isn’t wielding any Texas Chainsaws here even though there was a little homage for him in the opening credits. Scream queen Brinke Stevens also didn’t have much of a starring role. Stevens scene was rather pointless toward the whole of the plot, but I’m not surprised considering the film is called Repligator.

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Plain and simple, Repligator bares nothing special, yet somehow manages to bare all at the same time. You won’t have to think too hard to get the concept, yet you’ll be confused at the end. This enigmatic movie challenges all the laws of physics without even spitting out a correct mathematical formula. See what I’m talking about by purchasing your copy today at MVD Entertainment Group!

Evil to Review! Repligator!

Gunnar Hansen. Boobs. Alligators. Combine them and you have Repligator. That is all you get for now until Friday!

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Look What the Evil Postmaster Left!

Mail call from the past week! MVDvisual’s Bath Salt Zombies, which you know and can read my review here, and V/H/S/ from Magnet Releasing! Review to come!

Bath Salt Zombies and V/H/S/!  Fuck Yeah, Mailman!!!!

Evil Will Eat Your Face! Bath Salt Zombies review!

!!!Pre-order!!! http://www.bathsaltzombies.com/ !!!Pre-order!!!

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Almost a year ago, do you remember the real life face-eating cannibal Rudy Eugene due to, unconfirmed, street drug nicknamed “bath salts?” Eugene basically left his disabled vehicle near a Miami causeway, stripped completely butt-ass naked, and assaulted one Ronald Poppo by beating him down to the ground, stripping off his homeless man trousers, and proceeding to munch on the upper portion of his face. A real life zombie? Most likely not, but the more probably cause would be high as a kite on drugs, making him insane and almost superhuman-like. Reportedly, the attack went on for nearly 20 minutes and police even shot Eugene four times.

Not in the film, but I wanted you to have an idea of what to expect!

Not in the film, but I wanted you to have an idea of what to expect!

A year later, ambitious filmmakers came together with the “Miami Zombie” inspiration in mind and made a highly exaggerated, or was it, loosely based film about drug addicts turning into face biting zombies after smoking a bath salt resembler that is actually concocted from a highly toxic, military grade, weaponized substance that somehow mysteriously disappeared from the military’s inventory. Hot on the destructive addict’s tail is a relentless DEA agent who will stop at nothing to put an end to reign of bath salt terror!

Who are these ambitious filmmakers? And how the hell did they pull off a great fun and creative movie about the bath salt “Miami Zombie?” First off, the team of creators and actors behind that fantastic little Faustian film Night of the Tentacles were involved! Dustin Wayde Mills, whom very uncanny in looks and voice resembles Red State director Kevin Smith, directs, co-wrote, and also co-stars as the money hungry mad scientist behind the bath salt concoction. Night of the Tentacles lead man Brandon Salkil who is comically animated and has great facial features for film. Secondly, my main man Clint Weiler produced and co-wrote Bath Salt Zombies. Clint is also a head hancho over at MVD, a major home entertainment distributor for music and DVD video!

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Bath Salt Zombies combines 300 with Scott Pilgrim vs. The World. You have the epic fight scenes, done very well by the way with well done choreographs by co-star Jason Eal (DEA agent), with the Scott Pilgrim like animations that turn a cheesy premises into the next big indie cult film – the next Dead Next Door comes to mind. Now, I could be wrong, but I found that Bath Salt Zombies paid homage to a couple of other notable horror and action icons such as the first Resident Evil video game in the mini-cartoon intro at the beginning reminded me of first appearance of a zombie and the subway fight finale reminded me of Neo and Agent Smith duking it out in the first Matrix. However, Bath Salt Zombies delivers more blood and more creative style with the budget.

What I really wanted more from this film was Erin R. Ryan’s twins in the shower. Along with Ryan’s ta tas, Bath Salt Zombies offers other perks such as a fully frontal 4 minute scene of DeviantArt and Model Mayhem model Bella Demente! You also have a great punk Soundtrack to go along with the spew of blood, the elastic internal organs, the dismembered body parts, and the multiple decapitations. I highly recommend this movie to any comedy, horror, or drug addict fan because Bath Salt Zombies entertains with a blood, boobs and banter that hasn’t been this witty for a indie film in such a long, long time! Well played!


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