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An EVIL Drug That Can Cure Your Crabs and Boil Your Insides! “Private Blue” (SRS Cinema / DVD)

Posted by Steven Lewis on

“Private Blue” is on the case! DVD Now Available.

A new drug is on the streets of Edmonton, Alberta.  Call Shrink, the drug can produce a massive high and contains a high level of antivirals that can cure any sexually transmitted disease, but there’s a side effect.  If taken in a single excess amount, the drug can boil your insides, leaving nothing left.  The Edmonton police are stuck on the case with no leads and to make progress on the fast-moving drug epidemic that has now claimed the life of a daughter of a prominent sports booky, the department hires Tony Blue, an ex-cop now private investigator who can use unconventional means outside the scope of police authority to get the needed information, such as where Shrink is being peddled and produced.  Working down the vine, Blue runs through the hierarchy from street pushers to the manufacturing kingpin, a brusque and brutish strip club owner named Wanda who will stop at nothing and will not let anyone get in her way to fill the streets with her deadly, venereal disease-curing drug.

A comedic spin on the 1980’s lone wolf cop-thriller, “Private Blue” immerses itself into every trope manageable inside its indie budget with business in the front, party in the back mullets, bad guy chases and beatdowns, and a smoke-filled and color gel-brightened assortment of atmospheres that propagates the cop film neo noir aspects.  The accountable party behind this crass cop caper are a pair of brothers, Devin and Robert Burkosky, based in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada.  The brothers produce, write, direct, and one-half star in what is their sophomore feature film behind the 2018 comedy-horror “Load Shark Massacre” that’s about a murderous loan shark who bites off more than he can chew.  Continuing the trend of drugs, violence, and psychotronic absurdities, “Private Blue” is an extension of their creative effort into crime action with a horror edge but with this time, they add a science-fiction element straight out of the boondocks of left field.   The feature is produced under the Burkosky company, Beechmont Entertainment. 

Robert Burkosky jumps into the titular role of “Private Blue” as a wisecracking and arrogant Tony Blue, an expelled detective because of his purloining of the evidence locker for his own needs, but Blue is a great chase-down detective, if not the best with his quick wit and adept situational skillset that makes him valuable.  Burkosky hams up Blue’s cocky attitude and Miami Vice-lite dress with linen blazer overtop a white tank top, sporting aviator glasses, and flaunting a greasy-looking mullet to accentuate the arrogance and confidence.  Opposite Burkosky is Moira MacKinnon as the larger-than-life adult industry head honcho and criminal mastermind Wanda who’s behind the manufacturing and distribution of the Shrink drug.  Having had a role in the Burkosky’s debut feature “Loan Shark Massacre” and was recently in their last film, the 2025 “Heat Score” that’s currently in post-production, MacKinnon’s a Burkosky go-to regular and her performance in “Private Blue” is perhaps my personal favorite with the Rita from “Power Rangers” voice and cackle and a maniacally expressed face as she bulldozes people into what she wants, no matter friend or foe.  “Private Blue’s” colorful cast doesn’t end there as there’s plenty of outrageous personalizes that are typical of a Burkosky brothers production, such as Tommy Grimes in drag playing the role of a female assigned stripper named Candy, Wolfgang Johnson as a low-level, guitar-playing, drug pusher, and Rod Wolfe as an older, mid-level dealer who wears various peppers around his neck like a necklace.  Dean Lonsdale, Ian Rowley, Dave Qurik, Kaley Leblanc, Jesse Hicks, Arielle McCuaig, Christian Stahl, and Brandi Strauss fill out the cast.

For what the Burkosky’s try to achieve in churning out “Private Blue” as a throwback of hard-boiled sleuth work, there’s success is select areas.  One of those successful portions is the phenomenally pastiche 80’s soundtrack by Robert Burkosky and the general aesthetic of the said decade with smoke-filled room illuminated by the gel lighting.  Wardrobing occasionally lands in the same era but there’s really no set point in time the story takes place but rather a mishmash of decades.  Devin and Robert, the latter quickly establishing himself as nearly a one-man show for the entire production, are competent editors that make “Private Blue” an easily digestible narrative.  What’s not easily digestible are the jokes that, for the most part, land flat.  The colorful characters do indeed entertain in their ineloquence and idiosyncrasies, but the script lacks that gut punch humor.  Instead, the script is riddled with fart gags, which personally I’m not a terrible fan of its audiological stink, and the jokes continue periodically throughout in every, or every other, scene of just randomized farting when a character sits, squats, or actually flatulates purposefully as a way of gag-inducing defense.  While most jokes don’t jive in jest, there are a handful that do, such as Tommy Grimes convincing our sexuality as dolled up sex worker Candy or Robert Burkosky’s lengthy slow-motion dance scene with a bunch of strippers at Wanda’s club.  Hilarity, as well as spurts of graphic violence, continue through whenever the story perversely changes course and mostly for the better. 

“Private Blue” is on the case.  Or, rather, is inside the case of an DVD Amaray with the release from ultra-indie underground label SRS Cinema.  The MPEG-2 encoded, standard definition 420p, DVD-R with the purple underbelly has a less-than-desired picture quality that’s par for the course with SRS Cinema.  Yet, all the sub-def eyesores are not terribly off-putting thanks to some decent camera equipment and know-how by the Burkoskys.  The palatable image has a flat grading only targeting contrast during it gel-lit scenes and the film is presented in 1.33:1 full screen that’s shot-on-videotape with uniform moments of interlacing.  Imaging produced is a result of a macro lens, encompassing even less within the standard framing and providing a flatter field that loses a bit of the depth.  The LPCM stereo mix that offers an ample dialogue track and range of audio layers that create a fair separation.  Robert Burkosky’s soundtrack epitomizes the balance between the layers when amplifying to make it the star of the scene.  Gun shots, thrown punches, and, even to an extent, the fart gags find the relative right level within a campy mix.  English captioning is available on this DVD.  Special features include a paralleling director’s commentary track, a blooper and outtake reel, the film’s trailer, and other SRS Cinema trailers.  SRS Cinema’s physical copy is standard fair but does showcase a blue-hued illustrative artwork that’s appealing and accurate with the same, but cropped, design pressed on the disc.  The 96-minute film comes not rated and is region free.

Last Rites: A debased tribute to the hard-boiled 80’s cop actioner, The Burkosky Brothers “Private Blue” has potential to be a great accolade of the subgenre as well as be funny but falls short with an overuse of pass gas gags and its inability to surpass that tenor.

“Private Blue” is on the case! DVD Now Available.

Under Hypnosis, You’ll Do Anything For EVIL! “Vampire at Midnight” reviewed! (MVD Visual / DVD)

Posted by Steven Lewis on

“Vampire at Midnight” is now on DVD!

Gripped by a serial killer dubbed the Vampire Killer, Los Angeles is on high alert as not one single piece evidence could be recovered from the more than a dozen crime scenes where women’s’ necks are ripped to shreds, their bodies are drained of blood, and their corpses dumped for police to discover.  With detectives baffled, cowboy cop Roger Sutter is ordered by the reckless antics-frustrated Captain to stay away from case but when Roger follows a lead that lands in his lap, two people wind up dead and the killer slips through his grasp, the captain suspends him from the force.  Focusing all his energy into a newfound romance with apartment complex neighbor and aspiring pianist Jenny Carleton, Roger finds himself back onto the killer’s trail when his time with Jenny goes from special and exciting to acutely avoiding his every advance.  Roger suspects the Vampire Killer behind Jenny’s sudden change in behavior.  Unofficially back on the case, the off-duty Los Angeles homicide detective finds himself in the middle of the Vampire Killer’s ritual to seduce Jenny into his coven as one of his blood brides. 

The maverick cop versus the serial killer narrative “Vampire at Midnight” is the 1988 investigative thriller with a horror edge from editor-producer Gregory McClatchy (“The Great American Girl Robbery,” “Terror in the Aisles”) in his first, and only horror credited, feature length directorial.  Also, lesser known as “L.A. Midnight, “Hypnos” or “Murder at Midnight,” the entrancing, modern vampire script is penned by “Danger Zone II:  Reaper’s Revenge” writer Dulany Ross Clements from a story by fellow “Danger Zone II” collaborators Jason William (actor in “The Great American Girl Robbery” and “Flesh Gordon”) and Tom Friedman (“Time Walker”).  Skouras Pictures served as the production company and the theatrical distributor with Friedman and Williams also in a producing capacity.

Much like with his lead kidnapper role in “The Great American Girl Robbery,” as well as other skin-a-matic films like “Alice in Wonderland:  An X-Rated Musical” or “Flesh Gordon,” producer, conceptual storyteller, and principal star Jason Williams puts himself into the rough-and-rugged hero to get the girl, or girls, half naked in his arms.  As unorthodox method cop bending procedure to get results, Williams molds handsome homicide detective Roger Sutter to the quintessential trope of a good cop doing everything he can to get the job done, even if that means skirting around lawlessness.  Roger is pitted up against pure vampiric evil who welcomes the lawlessness under the façade of a doctor of hypnotism specializing in unleashing clients’ frustrating mental blockages in their careers and goals.  Argentine-born Gustav Vintas has the physical look of a sophisticated villain (see “Lethal Weapon,” “Verne Miller,” and “Midnight”) with his stage 6 receding hairline and foreign accent and “Vampire at Midnight” also fits the bill with Dr. Victor Radikoff, a smooth talking and charming manipulator who can literally hypnotize his clients into anything, such as serving their necks up to his fangs or be beguiled assassins.  Caught in the middle is aspiring pianist Jenny Carlton, Roger’s beautiful blonde neighbor turned girlfriend turned slave to Radikoff’s hypnosis powers.  Jenny is played by the one-and-done feature film credited Lesley Milne in a rigid performance that’s critically subsided by her well-defined figure, one of several to go topless alongside “Saturday the 14th Strikes Back’s” Jeanie Moore, “Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers’” Esther Elise, and “Angel III:  The Final Chapter” Barbara Hammond.  The film rounds out with Christopher Nee, Robert Random (“Toke”), Jonny Solomon (“Peephole”), Ted Hamaguchi, Richmond Shepard (“Simon, King of the Witches”), and Ceclia Kaye (“Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark”).

“Vampire at Midnight” is the modern vampire film that tries to blend the old tropes with the new folds.  The malevolent Dr. Victor Radikoff has the menacingly creepy charm and suavity of Bram Stoker’s tale of Count Dracula flirting up against Max Schreck’s appearance as the horribly grotesque Count Orlok in the F.W. Murnau’s bastard film, “Nosferatu:  The Symphony of Horror.”  While the latter may just be an opinionated statement or judgement on Gustav Vintas’s physical naturality, not to say Vintas is grotesque or horrible looking at all, but rather his physical characteristics are atypical of the master vampire, resembling more closely to the baseline Nosferatu with a receding hairline, slender stature, and a uniquely contoured face. Being set in Los Angeles, the gothic qualities that instill fear, dread, and medieval facets from Dracula origins are all but lost, but you must remember, this isn’t Dracula.  This is Dr. Victor Radikoff, the prestigious hypnotist of the affluent, and that speaks true to the hip city of angels setting full of funky-sexualized interpretative dancing and late-night comedy standups as well as fitting into the budget to keep the indie film costs low for the sleek new take of the vampire trope to freshly entertain late 80s audiences.  However, “Vampire at Midnight” doesn’t go plot unscathed with the first act leaning heavily into L.A. paralyzed with Vampire Killer fear and the cops nervously on edge and disheartened by the lack of evidence and leads; the atmosphere felt more despairing and darker with the killer staying one step ahead and a body count slowly rises upward.  Then, the tone shifts slowly from a tough terrorizing case to crack to Roger’s incessant hard-on for a rather focused and naïve pianist.  The case only becomes interested in again when Roger receives a happenstance call in and he’s back in the saddle of his cowboy cop antics until he’s not again, being, in my opinion, unjustifiably suspended for shooting down a suspect trying to kill him and the suspected Killer getting away.  It’s as if the police, as well as the media and the public perception, left the case to fizzle out while the relationship between Roger and Jenny builds up for the sole purpose of being broken by, again, happenstance in Radikoff’s chance meeting with Jenny at a socialite party where she’s hired to play piano.

Arriving onto a MVDVisual DVD, this obscure hypno-vampire gem is entranced with new life.  Unfortunately, however, the new release is not a technically impressive one with its 720p resolution and pillar box 1.33:1 aspect ratio in regard to video.  The MPEG2 DVD5 handles the compression without a substantial hitch.  Other than the lower resolution that creates some blurry/fuzziness, here are no seemingly other issues in the codec, such as macroblocking, or banding.  Blacks retain its void inkiness even inside the confines of a lower contrast, but the grading is nonexistent that results in flat coloring and little life in the range spectrum.  The film has a shot-on-video look, but the transfer is rendered from a 35mm print digitized with little touchup for DVD.  The original print has only minor imperfections, a brief scratch here and there, but no major damage to note.  The English language Dolby Digital 2.0 Mono doesn’t elevate the new release either.  Dialogue isn’t terribly feeble, but it definitely isn’t robust through the single channel where depth doesn’t have an influence.  The overall quality of the recording is not bad with a clean presentation that’s layered in an expertly designed arrangement; big kudos should go to editor Kaye Davis and sound mixer Vic Carpenter who enrich “Vampire at Midnight’s” filmic posture as the two do competently dance together between the audio and video editing.  English subtitles are optionally available.  MVD’s standard release is bare bones without special features.  The standard DVD Amaray sports the beautiful gothic and blood dripping poster as the front cover; however, the backside contains three out of the five stills of Ester Alise, one involving Robert Random, and one with Random and Gustav Vintas and what makes the backside a curiously funny duck is the four blocked together stills are not from the film and were plucked directly from IMDB.com.  Instead, they are from different cult films starring Random and Alise, such as Alise’s “Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers.”  The disc is pressed with the same cover art image.  The rated R release is region free and has a runtime of 93 minutes.

Last Rites: Gregory McClatchy keeps this L.A. vampire picture in constant postulation with an unconscious red herring that’s stable until the very end, but the story pivot strains too far from its gritty and dark cop-chase-killer opening by focusing more on a love polygon of sex, deception, and true devotion, a swivel that puts a stake right in the heart of this 80’s exuberant story.

“Vampire at Midnight” is now on DVD!

EVIL Would Be to Not Experience the Sensual Side of Japan’s Gravure Idols! “J-Girl Yummy: Ryo Harusaki, Ai Haneda, and Aoi Kururugi” reviewed!

Posted by Steven Lewis on

You can order your #Blu-ray and #DVD copies at PinkEiga.com or stream it JGirlYummy.com!

Japanese adult models and actresses Ryo Harusaki, Ai Haneda, and Aoi Kururugi tease with their youthful appearance, hot slender bodies, and alluring moves in a new gravure series as they wear next-to-nothing while starring directly back at you, into your gazing eyes, playfully and erotically enticing you to join them.  As you mentally undress their young bodies, the J-Girls take you on a suggestive journey from the wave-crashing and sandy beach to the idyllic glistening of the pool, from the hot and sweaty exercise room to the cool and wet shower, and then, eventually, to the private bedroom where visual foreplay becomes the ultimate fantasy with your favorite and most seductive J-Girl.  A cat teaser wand, an exercise ball, skimpy lingerie, miniskirts, lotion, and a glass pleasure toy are objects to be desired, creating sensual tension and excitement with erotic tones that tease against the senses, and when the time comes, your joy becomes JOI as the J-Girl finish you off with unforgettable point of view pleasure. 

The J-Girl Yummy label, Gravure Glamour Models, is the responsible party in delivering the one-on-one carnal gravures starring the now 25-year-old, former AV actress Ryo Harusaki (“Ryo Harusaki’s Finest Devirginizing 21,” “Nothing But Tits No. 022”), now 35-year-old AV actress and Tokyo model Ai Haneda (“Slave Room – Lady Who Was Put Up for Auction,” “Teacher Ai’s Alluring Lesson”), and the now 27-year-old the Kyoto prefecture AV actress Aoi Kururugi (“Hot Pantyhose,” “Young Lady with the Special Power of Pussy”), produced and released first in Japan and now available to North American audiences for the first time.  The Pink Eiga sublabel releases the first trio set this August in hopes to find a sympathetically aroused audience for the popular Japanese gravure videos, also known as tease or bikini videos, but with a fleshier and lustful appeal than normal gravures.  These pink films have no directors, writers, or producers within their economically efficient adult release design.

Each release individually caters to each of the three models’ physical and personality attributes in the August release set, beginning with Ryo Harusaki from the Ibaraki Prefecture.  Perhaps the curviest model of the trio, Harusaki has a plumpier backside that delineates closely to an hourglass shape albeit her B cup leaving a slightly asymmetrical shape.  No one person will complain about her curvy hips leading into her rear when bending over in a tight-fitting thong barely containing the peach that’s strategically hidden away or when Harasaki moves her hand to complete a half-moon arc over her cheeks in order to fully lather herself in lotion.   A bob haircut accentuates Harusaki’s round face and large eyes, creating a fixation onto her natural structural beauty.  Aoi Kururugi has contrasting traits as the Kyoto pornographic actress, once named Candy in her industry debut, enchants her regular girl next door physique with a giggly, cutesy persona that’s innate in the model.  Comfortable with a dazzling smile, Kururgi’s emulates, or perhaps even embodies, the Japanese kawaii culture of cuteness evoking a kittenish coy and playfulness.  Last, but definitely not the least in the brand new to the North American market J-Girl Yummy series, is Ai Haneda, the oldest of the three at the ripe age of her early-to-mid 30s at time of filming.  Haneda may be nearly a decade older than Harasaki and Kururugi but she’s certainly the slanderously petite and perky gravure model of the set while still retaining youthful beauty with milky smooth skin and innocent face.  Though not as plump around key private parts, Haneda works the camera like a blend of Harasaki’s smoldering stares and Kururugi’s kittenish play as she saunters and works the camera in getaway locations wearing only very little or nothing at all. 

After watching all three episodes consecutively, the J-Girl Yummy gravure model has been consistent with the narrative-free formula between all three, immediately kicking off each entry with a brief tease of what’s to come in a montage of spliced together scenes as a precursing trailer of what to expect in the next 60-90 minutes from the J-Girl model whose about to show you a good time.  What follows is a pair of music-only scored segments with our models in bikinis or other revealing clothes, such as hiked up miniskirts for an upskirt shot as they shyly try to futilely pull down the edges to cover panties from view.  Repetitive stock music of hypnotic drumbeats, dulcet guitars, generic smooth jazz, and breezy elevator music backfill while the girls twirl their tease-filled tapestries to eventually unveil the bare necessities underneath their clothes.  Eventually, this transitions into an intimate atmosphere with your personal J-Girl as you can now hear their voices for the very first time, peering, smiling, and speaking into the camera as if what was missing component of a VR date is you and you’re now there.  These segments are where personalities emerge and the real personal interactive and peepshows begin with an increasingly stimulation toward a point-of-view sex act thrusting against their pelvises.  There are subtle differences between the three episodes.  For instance, Haneda and Kururugi play with themselves more, with a rather odd self-poking of their nipples, as if cavewomen exploring their bodies for the first time, and pulling at the individual pubic hairs that tease the lower nether region.  Harasaki has a more stoic stature in her breadth of sexual aura and that makes her dangerous to behold, holding your breath as she stares into your soul.  Harusaki also doesn’t quite do the POV sex finale, focusing heavily on self-satisfactory measures for the voyeur at heart, and letting her voluptuous body alone do the work. 

PinkEiga and J-Girl Yummy introduce Ryo Harusaki, Ai Haneda, and Aoi Kururugi in the first set of three of a soon to be released total of 15 models all together in the J-Girl Yummy gravure series. See them undress in a high-definition resolution with an AVC encoded, 1080p, 25 gigabyte BD-R, presented in a 1.78:1 widescreen aspect ratio. Without any indication of the specific camera equipment used, the only aspect that’s clear is its digital component that offers a clean picture with immersive detail that exposes unique dermis areas for each model, such as the circular scar above Haneda’s naval of a removed bellybutton ring, Kururugi’s two-toned blemishes below her left breast and waist, or even Harusaki’s canine imperfection. Much of the digital footage is raw, untouched, resulting in a ton of overexposure from sunlit scenes on the beach, by the pool, and near a brightly illuminated window. For a BD-R, compression has stability as there’s not a saturating amount of bonus materials or an extensive color palette with manipulated contrast levels as the goal is to shoot the load for realism. The releases don’t reveal much about the audio aspects but we’re likely looking at, or rather hearing, the innately uncompressed Japanese PCM 2.0 from the onboard camera of the digital handheld camcorder, evident by the cardioid depth range limited by the mic scope. Mostly garnished by garish stock music, the models’ vocals do express little dialogued moments with grunt and groan interjections while playing with themselves or, sometimes, being influenced by the camera operator’s teasing efforts to induce smiles and arousing moans. Again, the compression works well here with no distortion or interference in what’s chiefly the issue, but insignificantly detrimental, is the weak audio expansion and, be forewarned, there are no English subtitles or optional subtitles of any language for the feature. There are subtitles for each model’s post-gravure exhibition Get To Know Me interview that has the interviewer’s question laid out in vertical Hiragana subtitles right of the screen while English subtitles are below. The interview questions range from common background information about the model’s themselves to the dirty little secrets that turn them on, such as masturbating, their frequency and favorite toys, and their overall conceptions toward sex in general. Additionally in the bonus features, which are all encoded alongside the play feature and backdropped by a naked still of the model, is the model’s trailer, a sneak peek bonus scene of an upcoming J-Girl Yummy gravure model, and a still slideshow. Ai Haneda’s release comes with an extra bonus feature of raw behind-the-scenes footage of the video shoot. The physical attributes of the Blu-ray releases also follow a design formula with a rainbow background with the half-naked model centerstage along with their given or stage name in black banner and cartoon-like clouds nestling them at the bottom as if their angels from heaven. Inside, the BD-R is pressed with the same front cover image, but the insert comes with bare-chested collectible card! All three releases are not rated, have region A encoding, and have a runtime of 86 minutes (Ryo), 60 minutes (Ai), and 62 minutes (Aoi).

Last Rites: J-Girl Yummy is so much more than pink vignette videos of pretty faces. The series is personal one-on-one time with your favorite Japanese starlet, a sensual journey of acquaintance, and there’s value in gravure eroticism from the land the rising sun, bringing new beginnings and new hope in a stiff adult media market.

You can order your #Blu-ray and #DVD copies at PinkEiga.com or stream it JGirlYummy.com!

EVILFormers: Robots in Disguise! “Crash and Burn” reviewed! (Full Moon Features / Remastered Blu-ray)

Posted by Steven Lewis on

“Crash and Burn” on Blu-ray from Full Moon Features!

In the year 2030, the global economy has collapsed and the most powerful organization on the planet, Unicom, controls most of the national markets with scrutinizing oversight.  What makes matters worse is years of pollution and nuclear naivety is dissipating the ozone layer, exposing the Earth and its denizens to altering ultraviolet rays that scorch the Earth with thermal storms, turning much of the terrain into wastelands. Out in the middle of nowhere in one of those barren lands, Unicom errand boy Tyson Keen delivers freon to an isolated Unicom television station fabricated from an old powerplant.  An impending thermal storm forces Keen to stay overnight with the motley crew of station personnel and televised guests.  When the thermal storm knocks out the power, they discover the station chief has been murdered, revealing the chief’s involvement with the Independent Liberty Union, a rebellion group against the mighty repressive Unicom, and secret plot involving Unicom’s illegal use of synthetic people to infiltrate the station to stop dissident behavior. 

2030.  That’s only five years away, folks!  Get ready for the global financial downfall and fallout when the ozone also says peace out after years of abuse.  Giant robots and subverting T-800s, I mean synthetic androids, are exploited for corporate gain and power over the few who resist.  Actually, if you think about it, the premise of 1990’s “Crash and Burn” might actually be happening now, today, five years earlier by the sound of it!  The Full Moon production, helmed by company founder Charles Band, (“Trancers,” “Doctor Morbid”) and written by J.S. Cardone (“Shadowzone,” “The Forsaken”), is seemingly ahead of its time with the exceptions of mecha robots and a vastly dusty wasteland of the Earth’s surface, complete with temperature rising thermal storms.  Unofficially considered a sequel to Stuart Gordon’s “Robot Jox,” another Full Moon production released the year prior, “Crash and Burn” is produced by “Nightmare Sister’s” David DeCoteau and John Schouweiler with Band and Debra Dion serving as executive producers.

The futuristic dystopian thriller plays out much like a slasher with a group of people hunkered down safely in shelter until one-by-one they’re picked off.  Paul Ganus (“The Monolith”) acts as the Unicom outsider Tyson Keen, a motorcycle-riding delivery boy just needing cash to get by in turbulent times, inside an established dynamic of a reclaimed power station used for Unicom television broadcasting where Ralph Waite dons the station chief shoes of Lathan Hooks, Megan Ward (“Arcade”) in the role of Lathan’s tech expert, teenage daughter Arren, Bill Moseley (“House of a 1000 Corpses”) as the station’s handyman Quinn, Eva LaRue (“Robocop 3”) educating the children over the TV waves as Parice, and Jack McGee (“Rumpelstiltskin”) in the blowhard and perverse egotistical TV host role Winston Wickett.  There are also two Winston Wickett guests, flesh and blood adult actresses who came back into the business after Unicom banned robot porn star and are being roasted by Wickett for their licentiousness, played by Elizabeth Maclellan (“Puppet Master II”) in the non-nude role of Sandra and Katherine Armstrong (“The Arrival”) in the topless required role of Christie.  Sandra and Christie are opaquer when it comes to their purpose as the two seemingly nomad women obviously need the money Wickett promises them to do the show to continue moving from place-to-place, but they put up with Wickett’s pompous and chauvinistic degrading being, even sleeping separately in the same quarters as the television host without wearing clothes.  There are dialogue moments between them that suggest there’s more to their relationship than what’s in exposition but never fleshes out; instead, Christie fleshes out in a shower scene with Bill Moseley’s Quinn for a brief cleansing.  The above cast of characters set the same for a “The Thing” similar mistrust when one of them is suspected to be a sabotaging, murderous robot in human skin, they even do a blood test too.  Solid performances all around with Moseley outshining most and Megan Ward’s innocence really comes through in her debut as a teenager while Ganus can be a suitable leading man but lacks the presence where it matters.  Jon Davis Chandler (“Carnosaur II”) and Kristopher Logan (“Puppet Master III:  Toulon’s Revenge”) round out the cast as two wasteland gas attendants close to the isolated power station.

“Crash and Burn” is an enjoyably campy, science-fiction horror that derivatively cherry-picks from other films in the genre.  From “The Thing” to “Aliens,” to even Full Moon’s own production “Robot Jox,” “Crash and Burn” puts other sci-fi cult films’ best elements together to form something new that instills a sense of isolating tension and heart-racing thrills from the man versus machine narrative.  Charlie Band adds his localized flavoring of beautiful women, sometimes teasing to bare it all, to zhuzh it up in a different light.  Like most of Full Moon’s earlier productions, and what separates the company’s catalogue from the modern features of today, is the practical effects.  Greg Cannom (Francis Ford Coppola’s “Dracula”) and his assistant Larry Odien’s make up effects, plus “Terminator 2’” Steve Burg’s robot design with the puppeteering, have longevity over the decades rather than today’s fly-by-the-seams visuals that often look cheap and mismatch against the live action with no tangibility and hardly anything the actors can work off against.  The under skin, robot skull exposure looks phenomenal for the era and budget with multiple layers peeling off in its prosthetic application and makeup arrangement. 

Full Moon continues to remaster their catalogue into high definition with their 1990 title “Crash and Burn” next on the docket. Remastered from the original 35mm negative, that was recently unearthed, the image has greatly improved from the flat colored transfers of previous positive prints, AVC encoded with 1080p high-definition resolution on a BD25. Full Moon’s remastering adds richness to the color pallet and a fine texture point that discrete objects the internal boiler room of the television station and, in contrast, the arid desert of Alabama Hills, California doubling as the futuristic wasteland. Skin textures are filled with stubble, ridges, imperfections, sweat, and robotic skin peels in every frame without the softening or smoothing over process to work quicker rather than precise. Full Moon offers two English Dolby Digital audio tracks, a Stereo 2.0 and a surround sound 5.1, which has been standard fair with the re-released remastered lineup. As fidelity reproduction goes, the layers perceive repressed for a bigger approach, especially one that has giant mecha action and a whipping thermal storm that causes a giant satellite crashing into a building. There’s nothing innately substandard about the Dolby mix, it’s perfectly adequate to handle the action, ambience, soundtrack, and the forefront dialogue and exact clear prominence without the lift in its intermediate range. English SDH are optionally available. Charles Band and actor Bill Moseley launches off the special features portion with a feature parallel audio commentary that’s entertaining between Moseley’s quips and Band’s stories in relation to the “Crash and Burn.” Also included is the making of the film, a blooper reel, the original trailer, and other trailers from Full Moon. Housed in a traditional Blu-ray Amaray, the original VHS art is reiterated, again, for the Blu-ray that’s more mecha oriented rather than stealthy robot assassins. There are no inserts inside or other physical features with the release that has a runtime of 85 minutes, is unrated, and is encoded as region free.

Last Rites: “Crash and Burn” does not do just that, crash and burn, but has real world dystopian concepts underscoring a Full Moon slasher reanimated by remastering for high-definition fanatics.

“Crash and Burn” on Blu-ray from Full Moon Features!

White Space Men are the EVIL Captains of the Zombie-inducing Slave Trade and Intergalactic Fast-Food Industry! “Race War: The Remake” reviewed! (Wild Eye Releasing: Raw & Extreme / DVD)

Posted by Steven Lewis on

Get Caught Up in the Middle of a “Race War: The Rmeake” on DVD

Drug dealer Baking Soda is feeling the peddling pangs of dropped traffic for his crystal pure PCP.  With no one buying his smack, he and his friend G.E.D. reside back home to drink with their close fish-headed friend Kreech and sleep off the day’s failure to try again tomorrow.  Their persistence to sell puts them on the radar of a white supremacy group vending a new drug on the street, the cause for Baking Soda’s drop in sales, but their product isn’t just going to get users high, it will turn them into flesh-eating zombie slaves.  When G.E.D. is kidnapped by the group, Baking Soda and Krrech have to run through the list of suspects – Jews, Hispanics, Chinese, and others – for the source of his sale woes and to rescue his friend, guns blazing if necessary or if unnecessary, but there may be more extraterrestrial motives that haven’t yet been unearthed. 

“Race War: The Remake” is a 2012 politically incorrect, ultra-offensive spoof comedy and blaxploitation horror from writer-director Tom Martino.  A Tom Savini school graduate, te special effects artist Martino (“Dead of Knight,” “Return to Nuke ‘Em High Volume 1,” “Doll Factory”) takes helm in the director’s chair for his debut in indie feature productions with one of the wildest, crudest, and tactlessly funny comedy-horrors I’ve seen since Troma’s “The Taint.”  Set in and around Houston, Texas and the greater surrounding area with guerrilla filming in locations such as the Houston Space Center and shooting with permission at the Darke Institute’s Phobia Haunted House, “Race War:  The Remake” doesn’t have an originating film despite the title in what is considered a spoof sequel – think of examples “Dude Bro Massacre III” and it’s standalone release or the non-existent second sequel between  “Thankskilling” and “Thankskilling III.”  Martino produces his own work under his outside of Houston-based company DWN Productions that doubles in making horror theme masks, busts, and props.

Thick-skinned actors comfortable with the narrative’s uncomfortable themes begin with Howard Calvert and Jamelle Kent as Baking Soda and G.E.D.  Calbert and Kent have become regulars in the Tom Martino catalogue of cast members for his more recent films and their humble beginnings in “Race War:  The Remake” proved their longevity to stay with the director, who is white, who wrote extensive race, gender, sexuality, and fart jokes in the context of a comedy-horror with cringy stereotypes and genuine tributes.  Calvert and Kent have great comedic timing to pull off all the zany editing, sound bites, and practical effects distaste Martino has flaming axe tosses at them to achieve his vision.  The two are joined by Danny McCarty, who would become another regular and be the visual effects supervisor for the film, dressed head-to-toe in loose-fitting urban attire to match the theme of Calvert and Kent’s black A-shirt and do-rags but his hands and face are masked to become the Creature from the Black Lagoon, aka Kreech.  Martino’s “Race War:  The Remake” isn’t just about the terrestrial races but intergalactic ones as well and we soon see that later on with the intentions of neo-Nazi white drug suppliers, led by Matt Rogers’ vulgarity in the horseshoe mustached Tex.  There are various other encountered gross stereotypes in the trio’s urban quest, such as a large nosed, greedy Jewish lawyer, Mexican luchador bodyguards, and a Pai Mei-esque Shifu speaking gibberish har har sounds and listing off popular Americanized Chinese dishes in attempt to be derogatorily funny.  With a film titled as “Race Wars:  The Remake,” the cast is mostly white and black actors poking uncouth fun with a big unconcerned and insensitive stick with Corey Fuller, Kerryn Ledet, Sam Rivas, and Coady Allen listed in the cast.

“Race Wars:  The Remake” isn’t funny, it’s stupid funny!  Having grown up in the 1980-2000s, consciously I might add, Martino’s politically incorrect and his brand of juvenile humor resonates with me, reminding me how cinema has become numb to the spoof humor.  Granted, Martino’s humor is over the top cutting, gross, and full of jest bigotry, traits that would trigger many in today’s sensitive awareness, and while cringy after a tasteless joke may result, there’ll likely be some a side of the mouth chuckle to go along with it.  On the opposite side of the spectrum, Martino tributes to references of certain popular culture icons, though slightly bastardizing some for laughs.  From Peter Jackson’s “Bad Taste,” to “Creature from the Black Lagoon,” to even “Mortal Kombat,” “Race Wars: The Remake” integrates the best parts of each these staples of pop culture and that gives his film a leg up on other offensive spoofs of the same crass caliber.  Th one negative story structure item to  highlight is the act one narrative takes a while to work the gears and get going as it attempts to setup the 40oz-drinking chumminess of Baking Soda, G.E.D., and Kreech but lags to a stagnant stall for hot second while still surround with the here-and-there gags, themed with G.E.D. homosexual tendencies and Baking Soda’s drug peddling woes on and off the streets, but once the antics pickup, there’s no stopping Martino and his filmic entourage from raining down an assault of insults. 

If you’re easily offended or put off by off-color race comedy, then Wild Eye Releasing’s “Race War:  The Remake” DVD is not for you!  For me, and those like me, unaffected by the type of uncouth spoof, Tom Martino’s debut is for you!  The Raw & Extreme sublabel’s DVD is MPEG2 encoded, 720p resolution, on a DVD5.  Presented in widescreen 1.78:1 aspect ratio, there is a breadth of visual presentation not confined within’ pillar and letterboxing but is stretched vertically that affects the already par level resolution.  Guerilla filmmaking also involves no production lighting and natural lighting is more than used here in Martino’s run around the Houston area, but one thing good about Martino’s naturally lit cinematography is its neutral set, avoiding under and overexposure.  The lesser used interiors have some tint lighting and key lighting to avoid total flat, dark outcomes but give the image a haze of hue, especially inside Baking Soda’s living room scene in the first act that sees a thin layer of red and green.  The English PCM Stereo has inconsistencies in volume.  Some scenes discern quieter than others because of the guerilla filmmaking constraints as well as just using commercial recording equipment.  However, the dialogue does land well enough for the jokes to hit and overlayed sound effects greatly lift the sound design where needed, such as with the Mortal Kombat video game sequence or with the array-spray of gunshots throughout and soundboard gag effects.  There are no subtitles with this release.  Included in the special features is Tom Martino director’s commentary, a gag/blooper reel, a behind-the-scenes reel of the gory moments, and Wild Eye Releasing trailers that include “Race War:  The Remake.”    The clear, ECO-Light Amaray DVD case houses stellar covert art illustration work by Belgium graphic artist, Stemo, with the inlaid narrative intensity and characters in collage.  The reverse side includes a gory still from one of the scenes.  The disc is pressed with the same front cover image but there are no other physical materials.  The unrated DVD runs for 95 minutes and is region free.

Last Rites:  Wild Eye Releasing re-unleashes another outrageous title on their Raw & Extreme label and the Tom Martino film is every ounce of the sentiment in it’s indie underground hokum of gore, racism, homosexuality, and aliens! 

Get Caught Up in the Middle of a “Race War: The Rmeake” on DVD