EVIL No Longer Swims Only in the Water! “Bad CGI Sharks” reviewed! (Sub Rosa Studios / DVD)


Living hesitant, unconfidently, and unfulfilled in Hollywood, California, Matthew finds himself fired by his employer after experiencing a promotion interview from hell, but that’s not the worst of his problems. Earlier the same day, Matthew learns his estranged older brother, a free-spirited and enthusiastic Jason, has been kicked out of his parents’ home, provided a plane ticket, and sent to live with him possibly forever. The estranged brothers finally reunite after years apart and Jason infiltrates back into Matthew’s uptight life their childhood obsession with sharks to try and finish a rough, shark-thriller script from their past, entitled “Sharks Outta Water.” When a magical movie muse decides to grant them their boyhood cinematic aspiration, the sudden appearance of a poorly render man-eating shark floats about their neighborhood streets, hunting down the brothers during a night of computer imagery terror limned with shoddy shark frenzies.

Out in the surf of the internet, a list lurks just beneath the dark waters of the web. A list containing a flooded genre of some of the worst shark movies detrimental to mankind’s inherent fear of a primordial aquatic creature that was once known to be the ocean’s apex predator. To save us from the cold, bleak shark banality, “Bad CGI Sharks” absorbs all toxic mundane trash skimming the vast global networks and big picture boxes to recourse from the singular trained thought that sharks are much more than a punching bag of relapsed rendered dogfish with jaws. Written, produced, and directed by MaJaMa, an alias for Matthew Ellsworth (Ma), Jason Ellsworth (Ja), and Matteo Molinari (Ma), “Bad CGI Sharks” flaunts a straight-to-video, no-budget comedy-horror in the face of whoever is willing to once again put themselves in front of a speeding bad shark movie train; yet, the filmmaking trio embark on a creative, meta journey risky with little blood shed and a swarm of animated things that mark somewhat of a resemblance to sharks. What crests is insightful satirical wit over the ostentatious flare of gratuitous explosion, nudity, and monstrous sharks.

In keeping to the budget, MaJaMa already wear many hats behind the camera. To extend even further their invested working capital, the filmmakers also star in the lead roles, virtually as themselves, to surely hammer down a film entitled “Bad CGI Sharks” in their own brand of humor. We begin with Matteo Molinari, the Genova, Italy born actor who had a small role in 1994’s “Silence of the Hams,” a spoof starring Dom DeLuise and Billy Zane derived from the Jonathan Demme’s Hannibal Lector thriller, “Silence of the Lambs,” if the title itself wasn’t self-evident enough. Molinari is the only main lead not using his namesake and, instead, becomes the magical movie wizard Bernardo with his muse movie clapper. Bernardo was built for Molinari as the two are synonymous to each other’s manners, speech, and quirky simpatico charm, resulting in an innocent, mischievous movie imp to be the bridge connecting the gulf between Jason and Matthew’s polarizing characters. Jason’s a severe caricature of hyperactivity and of someone whose stuck in the past and while Jason Ellsworth has his moments, without his brother Matthew’s stern, grown-up, and spruced up onscreen self, the dynamic just wouldn’t be as potent as Matthew is essentially the activator spray to Jason’s gluey personality. The cast concludes with Jenn Liu (“Stranger in the House”), Josh Sterling, and Shaun Landry.

Tiptoeing around the fringes of being a stoner film, “Bad CGI Sharks” pushes a hyper-meta reframe of how shark movies, or perhaps the film descends deeper into the water molecule level of just the shark representation itself, should be brought back to the shores of reality from the watery depths of Davy Jones’ poorly rendered locker. Coinciding with crystallizing the shark-sploitation category is a more tender note of embrace with relatable themes of rediscovering brotherhood and mending broken bonds. Matthew’s parental manufactured disgust with his older, yet childlike, brother casts a large, dark cloud that seizes up any kind of affection and the floating shark, the symbolic dream of their childhood, tests their relationship, motivating the the character arches in the face of “Bad CGI Sharks.” Amongst the witty banter and flying carnivorous fish, “Bad CGI Sharks” shows innate signs of no-budget difficulty such as story pacing where the middle sags with Jason and Matthew running around Hollywood for awhile in a progression stagnation and there lies some early editing miscues with audio mixing and mic work. Like a shark, “Bad CGI Sharks” needs to keep swimming or else it’ll upend and die; luckily, MaJaMa saves the cinematic beast with the shark devours the internet and all bets are off!

If you like your sharks floating and roaring, then “Bad CGI Sharks” DVD home video is for you, sailor, courtesy of SRS Cinema and MVDVisual. The not rated, region free DVD is presented in a widescreen, 16:9 aspect ratio, with, an IMDB listed, Sony a75 II Mirrorless camera complete with a “vintage” lens. Most of the image transpires cleanly and sharp, even the inorganic, floating sharks look fair in their farce facade, and with the specialized lens seemingly cornered to just around the Bernardo’s outer shell host duties and intermission skit and also in the initial attack sequence in which is the only scene with any kind blood shed. The English language audio tracks include a 5.1 surround sound mix and a stereo mix. The audiophiles will find solace in knowing “Bad CGI Sharks” doesn’t mean bad audio tracks. Dialogue has clarity throughout, depth and range remains steady, and there’s negligible hum electric feedback. Bonus features include a commentary track with MaJaMa, a retrograde toy commercial for all the characters, the teaser trailer, trailer, and SRS promoted trailers. Though lacking bloody chum, “Bad CGI Sharks” has bite albeit with more comedy than creature feature horror, fleshing out real world problems with hilarity in a cheapjack rendition of a killer shark.

Chomp! Chomp! Chomp!

Radioactive Evil Will Bite and Burn Your Ass! “Saltwater: Atomic Shark” review!


On the gorgeous and lively beaches of San Diego, an atomic level predator lurks underneath the clear, blue water, splitting the ocean surface with a large glowing red dorsal fin. Lifeguards, Gina and Kaplan, track a series of scorched dead fish washed ashore and determine that a catastrophic environmental event is afflicting the shoreline in the form of an atomic shark, a sunken Russian nuclear submarine byproduct roaming unstable through the ocean, ravenously devouring ablaze any boat or any person that it comes in contact with, and unwittingly ready to deploy a one megaton nuclear explosion if provoked with enough ammunition. Bogged down by incompetent supervisors and purposeful governmental misdirection, Gina and Kaplan turn to radical social media journalists, a perverted drone enthusiast, and a salty boat captain to form a ragtag team of shark hunters to save the West Coast from becoming a fallout wasteland for thousands of years.

Just when you thought it was safe to return to the genre, another made-for-TV cheesy killer shark movie breaches to the small screen surface, but this particular man-eater has bite. “Sharktopus” doesn’t have enough tentacle fortitude. Tornado sharks are just a bunch of wind bags minnows in comparison. And “Dinoshark,” well, that beast is just ancient history. All these other silky, grey predatory kings of the ocean are no match for this man-made mistake of a Godlike creature in the 2016 horror-comedy “Saltwater: Atomic Shark.” You’ll need a bigger boat or a bigger ocean or a bigger sense of humor as this nuclear fish bestows havoc and mayhem upon a usually quiet California coastline with a fiery belly. “Lake Placid vs. Anaconda” director A.B. Stone helms a script by Scott Foy, Jack Snyder (“Fatal Exam”), Griff Furst (“Ghost Shark”) that’s essentially Baywatch chummed with “Sharknado!”

Leading a group of amateur shark hunter is the novice environmental scientist and lifeguard Gina, played by Rachele Brooke Smith who has worked with writer-director Griff Furst previously on the 2016’s horror-mystery “Cold Moon.” Almost immediately, Rachele won the heart of this viewer as the amazonian built actress is tough as she is beautiful and all the while, never out of her lifeguard swimsuit. Her performance against a CGI monster shark is the best amongst her cast mates. She’s opposite Bobby Campo, as an injury sidelined lifeguard with a cavalier life persona. “The Final Destination” actor has the charm and the looks of a spring breaker, ready to drink tequila shots from between the cavernous cleavage of intoxicated co-ed, but Campo’s rides the fine line into as an attentive and cooperative friend to his leading lady costar. Bud Bundy, I mean David Faustino, reprises a similar role from his “Married with Children” days with Fletcher, a drone enthusiast with a penchant for videotaping babes on the beach. Second shark flick being released in the same year along with “Sharknado 4,” Faustino keeps the old comedy schtick well lubed for a slick chuckle or two in his scenes. “Atomic Shark’s” headliner, “The Lawnmower Man” Jeff Fahey, gears up as a stern boat captain hellbent on leaving himself out of trouble. Fahey provides his trademark soft blue eyes under a furrowed brow and a solid performance to earn him his payday as the most recognizable name on the credits. The remaining cast include Isaiah LaBorde (“Cold Moon”), Adam Ambruso, Mariah Bonner, Jake Chiassen (“Trailer Park Shark”), and Jessica Kemejuk, producer of “The Neighbor.”

While “Saltwater: Atomic Shark” can be appreciated for not taking itself too literal or too serious as it organically shouldn’t, the comedy portion teeters on a fine line between stalely outdated or casually tongue-and-cheek. For plot progression during one of the movie’s pivotal discoveries that lead the would-be heroes to the shark, A.B. Stone mocks up a yelp.com review graphic image for one of the story’s locales at a beachside restaurant named Tales from the Grillside that loses one star when characters are caught in the middle of restaurant patrons, and the catch of the day, start simultaneously exploding via radioactive instability. The spontaneous combustion of a snobby Guy Fieri type to kick off the magnificent event after eating the infected fish spells classical campiness in all it’s oddball allure, but when that yelp.com review comes up on screen and downgrades the grill’s three star review scale to two, the moment feels out of place, cheap, and unnecessary post bombastic detonations of fish guts and human entrails, splattering into the crevices every nook and cranny, are more than satisfying. Scenes containing comedic tension highlight some of the film’s best moments not involving the shark itself, especially when Mariah Bonner’s Felice, after losing her conspiracy theorist companion Troy to radiant jaws of the shark, takes all her angst out on Gina. Felice pins down Gina’s head while trying to spark a lighter to ignite a yacht full of dynamite and as the anxiety riddled score inches closer with Felice moving toward to lighting the explosives, the score abruptly cuts with each time Gina blows out the small flame. It’s a simple, yet well thought out moment with poised performances from both actresses to bring that flash of comedy to ahead.

ITN distribution and MVDVisual distribute the Curmudgeon Films’ “Saltwater: Atomic Shark” onto DVD home entertainment. Presented in a widescreen, 1.78:1 aspect ratio, the imagery consists of numerous ariel shots, especially from the implemented drones. The overhead view of the water is immaculate, yet portions of the picture, mostly in wide and long shots, faintly go into pixeling state due to most likely the data transferring speed. It’s not as heinous as imagined as the pixeling is quite miniscule. The English Dolby Digital 5.1 audio track is a well-rounded machine that pickups up the generic, yet sometimes catchy score, conveys a clear dialogue, and produces ambient sounds like the beach, explosions, and drones inside the metrics of surround sound. If you want to see vengeful, eco-friendly lifeguard ride an outboard motor under the ocean surface to deliver bundled sticks of TNT to a giant, radioactive shark, then this shark frenzy flick, “Saltwater: Atomic Shark” is right for you!

Sink your TEETH in this “Saltwater: Atomic Shark” DVD!

Woman Vs Shark! “In The Deep” news!

Scene from "Jaws:  The Revenge"

Scene from “Jaws: The Revenge”

Any Shark related news is good news for me, being a shark enthusiast. Today, the news across that a new shark film, entitled “In The Deep,” spec script was bought by Sony Pictures. The script, described as “Jaws” meets “127 Hours,” revolves around a young female surfer, 60 feet from a remote beach shore, being stalked by a Great White shark from below.

Woman versus Nature and I’m lovin’ it (as McDonalds would say). “In The Deep” sounds intense and thrilling and with a shark being involved the film already has a soft spot in my heart!

Stay with us to learn more about this development.