Demonic Nuns Want Virgins to Resurrect EVIL! “The Convent” reviewed! (Synapse Films / 4K UHD and Standard Blu-ray)

4K and Blu-ray “The Convent” Demonically Entering Your Soul! Buy It Here!

A woman strides into a convent carrier a can of gasoline and a shotgun during the sacrament of Eucharist between priest and nuns.  After setting the humble nave ablaze, she unloads shotgun shells into all the screaming bodies.  40 years later, a group of Greek life college students look to make their Greek letter mark on the same derelict convent now swarming with urban legends and ghost stories.  When a virginal student is kidnapped by wannabe Satan worshippers, they accidentally open the gate for dormant demons to arise through the corporeal vessels of the dead.  The possessed dead slaughter all in their way to seek another virgin, one that will embody their unholy master until this plane of existence.  The only chance for survival is to track that now woman from four decades ago to finish what she started after 30 years in an insane asylum, to blow away the demonic beasts of Hell!

At the turn of the century in the year of Lord of 2000, a year some Christians believed marked the 2,000th anniversary of the incarnation of Jesus Christ, saw another reincarnation of Hell passing through Catholic sacred ground from the creative culinary of profanity director Mike Mendez.  The one of a handful of creative talents behind the “Satanic Hispanics” anthology film and the native Los Angeleno helmed “The Convent,” his third directorial in horror behind breakout pyscho-hit “Killers” and the male-chauvinist be damned horror-comedy “Bimbo Movie Bash,” from the Chaton Anderson’s debut script full of sacrilegious imagery, glow-in-the-dark veined demons, and the dark comedic charm of early 2000s.  Shot entirely in Los Angeles, the demon-comedy is produced by Anderson and Jed Nolan (“Jurassic Women”) on a microbudget from executive producers Ryan and Roland Carroll of Alpine Pictures (“Dark Honeymoon”), Elliot Metz, and Rene Torres, who served as associate producer on the cult favorite, “Night of the Demons.” 

The collegiate characters are not only surrounded by twitching, carnage-dishing demons under the nuns’ habits but they’re also surrounded by headlining genre greats Adrienne Barbeau (“The Fog,” “Swamp Thing”) and, briefly, Bill Moseley (“The Devil’s Rejects,” “Texas Chainsaw Massacre II”) and gangster rapper, the late Coolio.  Barbeau doesn’t lose a step being the beautiful badass we all know and love from her reign as an 80s-90s scream queen, shotgun barreling down demons left and right as her character’s 40-years-senior self from the Nun-torching and blasting opener, the accused certifiable crazy lady called to action in Christine.  She’s called to once again stop a demonic Catholic kerfuffle she immobilized from spreading four decades back by a new set of naïve, older teenagers looking to get high, get lucky, and get the kicks.  Joanna Canton, who had three seasons in her on “That 70’s Show,” battles back-to-back with Adrienne Barbeau as Clorissa, the lead principal of the trespassing teens.  Canton is joined by story boyfriend Chad (Dax Miller, “Blood Surf”), story friends Biff (Jim Golden), Kaitlin (Renée Graham, “Shriek If You Know What I Did Last Friday the Thirteenth”) and Frijole (Richard Trapp, “Re-Cut”), story little brother and abuse-taking pledger Brant (Liam Kyle Sullivan, “Rideshare”), and story gothic bestie of another life time in Mo (Megahn Perry, “The Perfect Host”) whose been ostracized by mostly Clorissa’s friends and even a little by Clorissa trying to escape a gothic lifestyle for more fit in “normal.”  A dark and spooky night in a rundown convent transforms into a night of terror when Satan Worshippers Sapphira (writer Chaton Anderson, “Wither”), Davina (Allison Dunbar, “Browse”), and Dickie-Boy (“Kelly Mantle, “The Evil Within”) are led by so-called Satanist expert and a poorly 17th century speech replicator Saul (David Gunn, “Killers”).  “The Convent” does have dynamic trope characters, ranging from jock, to druggie, to cheerleader, to goth, and to the nerd, following formulaic footsteps to face forces of ferocious, fanged demons and doing it oh not so well and oh so gloriously bloody.  Casting rounds out with Oakley Stevenson, Larrs Jackson, and Elle Alexander.

Mendez’s “The Convent” has a real identity crisis issue walking in the familiar territory that closely resembles Kevin Tenney’s “Night of the Demons.”  Hell, I would go as far as stating Mendez’s Y2K-personified horror is a near step-by-step remake of Tenney’s 1988 demon possession carnage in an abandoned structure film.  However, minutia differences, a fall of Catholicism theme, and the addition of a motorcycling, demon-destroying Adriene Barbeau keep similarity nuances at bay and the acquainted plot lively and entertaining with a glow-party, nightclub maquillage on the demons to give them a fascia of techno-effervescence veins.  Mendez also adjusts the demons’ movements to a rapid twitch with increased frames per second and having the actors jerk their movements in a wild array.  Seems a little bizarre at first but the effect grows on you, and you can’t imagine “The Convent” demon without the spasmatic shots, as their glowing eyes set on seek-and-destroy roam from dilapidated hallway to dilapidated hallway, succumbing to the evil spirit’s will after the life force leaves the body.  Themes of an evil Catholic perspective will challenge those with a Christian value upbringing, especially with nuns and priests being gunned down and torched, and more character specific concepts of personal growth in deciding what’s right versus what’s popular run a paced course of dispersed too late to fix what’s already broken. 

As part of the Mike Mendez 4K UHD double bill release from Synapse that includes his individual inaugural film “Killers,” which we will review soon too, “The Convent” comes in a 2-disc, dual format set, making it’s uncensored, U.S. debut remastered in Dolby Vision 4K from the original 35mm internegative elements.  HEVC encoded, 2160p ultra-high definition, BD66 and the AVC encoded, 1080p, BD50 rockets the previously out of print film right past a standard Blu-ray release and into the land of 4K with 2k hitching a ride.  Both formats presented in a widescreen 1.78:1 aspect ratio, the definition and color saturation advancement are a huge leap from previous DVD releases with more delineate means inside a broadly shadowed interior.  Light and shadow have now divided fully and agreeably to shapes are now more obscured or in illumination.  With that being said, details are not knocked out of this part and that’s especially surprising since director Mike Mendez supervised the 4K remastering.  Facial features do appear smoothed out, more so on the standard Blu-ray release.  UHD has a slightly better rooting out skin details and customer texturing which Adrienne Barbeau leather jacket and tight denim jeans, with all the folds, zippers, buckles, and such, seeing the most promise.  The superimposed glow f/x has rich lamination with the emanating pulses creating reflection being done well on character faces and throughout an enclosed room.  The UHD and standard Blu-ray come with an English DTS-HD master audio 5.1 surround sound from the original 16-track master audio.  Uncompressed fidelity is a complete win here for “The Convent” that seizes side and back channels with monstrous grunts and growls, and not to forget to mention the often-neglected spooky house ambience of creaks, cracks, and killer hits to the body.  A broad range helps diffuse distinct layers to the individual channels.  Dialogue renders clean and clear with no pitchiness of hissing or crackling to note.  English subtitles are available on both formats. While the UHD only has eyes for the feature, the Blu-ray has the movie plus Hell-Raising bonus content, including two audio commentaries with a cast and crew commentary with director Mike Mendez, Megahn Perry, and Liam Kyle Sullivan and a Lords of Hell commentary featuring David Gunn and Kelly Mantle in full character of Saul and Dickie-Boy, a behind-the-scenes featurette, a location featurette, a single deleted scene, gore/kill scene outtakes, the original EPK (Electronic Press Kit), a pair of promotional trailers, and a still gallery. The new primary cover art and the reverse cover art inside the black Amaray case is illustrated by Ralf Krause and Samhain1992. A 6-page essay from Corey Danna has cropped color pictures along with release acknowledgements on the backside. The not rated film has a 80-minute runtime and is region free.

Last Rites: Never intended to take itself seriously, “The Convent” has wicked style, makeup, and effects under an early 2000’s feng shui and is balls-to-the-wall nonstop with demonically dark humor laughs and the barbaric blasphemy of a savagely railed faith!

4K and Blu-ray “The Convent” Demonically Entering Your Soul! Buy It Here!

EVIL Relaxes in the Serenity of a “Full Body Massage” reviewed! (Unearthed Films / Blu-ray)

Lube Up and Get Ready for “Full Body Massage” on Blu-ray!

Nina, a middle-aged affluent art dealer, has just returned from a long business trip.  Settling back down into her own nature morte decked home, Nina pampers herself with a hot shower, a glass of wine, elegant music, and a soak in her open aired, backyard hot tub as she relaxes before for her masseur, Doug, a handsome young man she finds herself comfortably attracted to outside their professional relationship, arrives to put his oiled up hands up and down her naked body but when Fitch arrives, Doug’s more seasoned stand-in, Nina finds herself blindsided by the change and slightly disappointed in her sudden erotic deflation.  Fitch’s worldly approach to life conflicts against Nina’s narrow perspective on various topics, including art, happiness, and love.  Willing to be fully open with each other during the intimate and unorthodox massage, Nina and Fitch debate deep into their session without holding anything back with flashbacks on their experiences that led them to this very moment of unexpected connection.

Director Nicholas Roeg, the late acclaimed English director, is known for his in-depth humanizing of flawed or downcast protagonists, often times surrounded by desire and obstacles, having helmed such renowned features as “Walkabout,” “Bad Timing,” and “The Man Who Fell From Earth.”  Roeg has also dipped his directional toes in horror with films like “Don’t Look Now” and “The Witches,” running the gamut between adult and children thrills.  Later in his career, Roeg slowly moved away from theatrical features and into the realm of television, shorts, and TV movies with one of those made-for-TV films being “Full Body Massage” for the premium cable network Showtime.  Penned by “The Stranger’s” Dan Gurskis, “Full Body Massage” trades in a problematic mystery or obstacle for more of the unravelling of philosophical viewpoints of two strangers wounded in their own obvious way only to have the air purified each other’s different life paths and mere presence of mind.  The 1995 released U.S. network movie is produced by erotic thriller operators Julie Ahlberg and Michael Nolin of “The Pornorgrapher” under the LLC of Full Body Productions and Showtime.

Though a made-for-television movie likely marketed for and airing as a late night skin flick for the premium network channel in the cable box era of the 1990s, “Full Body Massage” was anything but your ordinary after dark tits up production with two well-known stars substantially casted and not just for the headline attraction.  “Ginger Snaps” and “Hider in the House” American actress Mimi Rogers is joined by Australian star and “F/X” leading man Bryan Brown who undertake the respective roles of world-weary Nina and worldly-candid Fitch.  While “Full Body Massage” has the hallmarks of softcore programming, an titillating title, sexy sax soothing tones, and a very naked Mimi Rogers, the machinating devices have more bark than bite as Rogers and Brown never engage into sexual intimacy albeit a lot of sensual massage manhandling by Fitch on Nina’s more than happy to be naked body with a stranger she just met.  The two mainstays are pundits for the story, verbally expelling their own viewpoints and experiences that have shaped their choices in life, molding them to who they are, and nearing the edge of gospel when in rhetoric with each other.  Their conspicuous dispute is nearly all narratively all consuming but not as nearly all argumentative in it’s very adult approach to discussion of just two people seeing the world through two very different eyes.   Other characters are told through mostly flashbacks and never interact in the same aortic piece with Rogers and Brown with Christopher Burgard (“Syngenor”), Elizabeth Barondes (“Night of the Scarecrow”), Gareth Williams (“Striking Distance”), Patrick Neil Quinn (“Swamp Thing” television series), Heather Gunn (“Ed Gein”), and Gabriella Hall (“The Erotic Adventures of the Invisible Man”) and Brian McLane playing younger versions of Nina and Fitch. 

“Full Body Massage” is not an intense, edge-of-your-seat nail biter bursting with action and suspense.  In fact, I struggle with film’s point and overall message to the world in what in essence boils down to a character study.  Fitch’s disapproving father no matter how perfection Fitch achieved, Nina’s continuous search for approvals in love, Fitch’s losing love that sends him on a spiritual journey, and Nina’s failed marriages between fast-and-loose husbands and hard to connect with ones make the two underlyingly wounded adults rigid and confidence in that unyielding measure until they meet each other and experience pliability out of a long-winded dialogue in not only a face-to-face manner, but also in the healing power of touch and massage that’s feels erotic per Roeg’s direction but also works out every kink in their twisted, knotted pasts to where they end in an uncertain but good place, a place they’ve never been before or have long forgotten.  By the course of two people talking, which most the world does every day, there had to be buzzier bright light to attract swarming audiences to the premium cable network’s thirst for viewership and that would be Mimi Rogers going nearly full-frontal for nearly the entire runtime and Roeg really plays into that erotic prance of unabashed confidence and comfortability while also, contrariwise, the dynamic progresses platonically. 

A newly scanned 2K transfer of 1995 film comes from an unlikely boutique distributor known mainly for extreme horror, gore and shock, and controversial material. Unearthed Films proudly presents “Full Body Massage” on Blu-ray as title lucky number 13 on their Unearthed Classics label. The AVC encoded, high-definition 1080p, BD50 exhibits cable vision veneer in a television widescreen 1.66:1 aspect ratio. Roeg’s choice to go virtually without style really hinges on the substance for success. The natural approach consumes any low-lit or candle-lit warm interiors exclusively for flashback sequences. The 35 mm print has been cared for and it shows with pristine HD transfer that keeps the natural grain and doesn’t need to really sugarcoat any sour patches. The English lossless PCM 2.0 stereo mix offers exact fidelity of the original discourse and milieu ambience of an innate digital sound capture. With the dialogue heavy story, the discourse is clean, clear, and prominent, comprehensible in every which way. Depth provides expansion and echo inside Nina’s vastly roomy mansion, but range is limited to talking and not the sensual, sexy, arousing kind. English subtitles and SDH subtitles are available on this release. Special features include the television version presented in 1.33:1 aspect ratio, a minute still image gallery that’s mostly Bryan Brown behind Mimi Rogers giving her the massage, and the original trailer. While not a great selection of bonus content, the physical exterior succeeds slightly favorable with a cardboard O-slipcover with flat, yet beautiful, illustration of, again, Bryan Brown and Mimi Rogers in massage therapy that could be misleading as sensuality. The Amaray Blu-ray cover sports the same image on the cover art and even compressed even further on the disc art. The Blu-ray is rated R, locked in region A playback, and has a runtime of 93 minutes. I’m not going to try and kid you with what is and will be “Full Body Massage’s” immediate appeal, a very well-endowed and nude Mimi Rogers, but this anomalous Unearthed Classic brings a different highbrow criterion class to the extreme horror label in what is a brazen change of pace. 

Lube Up and Get Ready for “Full Body Massage” on Blu-ray!

DCU Can’t Handle this EVIL! “Swamp Thing” reviewed! (MVD Visual / 4K & Blu-ray)

“Swamp Thing” on 4k / Blu-ray Combo!  Now Available on Amazon.com!

A top-secret government project in the Louisiana swamps concern the combination of aggressive animal genes into plant DNA to result in creating super food for the potential famine and overpopulated future.  Agent Alice Cable becomes assigned to the project when her predecessor is unexpectedly devoured by a gator and becomes acquainted with the passionate head scientist, Dr. Alec Holland.  However, the government isn’t the only interested party in obtaining a formula when a faction of cutthroat mercenaries invade the swampy compound in the name of Arcane, a mastermind sociopath looking to hold the fate of the world in his hands.  Storming the compound with force, all the government agents are slaughtered except for Cable who managed to escape while Dr. Holland suffers a tragic accident of combusting with his volatile formula during the attack.  Believed to be dead, Dr. Holland returns transformed into a half-man, half-vegetal thing with superhuman abilities.  Now, Arcane is after him with Cable trapped in the middle. 

Having success in the grisly rape-revengers and mutant-cannibals section of his career in the 1970s, Wes Craven tussled with creating and securing another hit film to pay the ever mounting bills.  Before “A Nightmare on the Elm Street,” one of two biggest titles that have gone synonymous with the director’s name, the other being “Scream,” Craven dived into a DC Universe project before the DC Universe ever existed as such with the script adaptation and the helming of “Swamp Thing,” a vegetational anthropomorphic superhero inhabiting elemental powers, such as regrowth and superhuman strength.  What Craven originally scripted may not have been the same as the finished product on screen but the 1982 captured audiences attention and created lifelong fans of an underappreciated hero still germane to what is now a large universe of revitalized superheroes films and television shows.  Film in and around Charleston, South Carolina in the Cypress Gardens doubling as deep South everglades, “Swamp Thing” is produced by long time DC films coproducers Benjamin Meiniker and Michael E. Uslan as their first DC superhero venture as a Melinker-Uslan production and distributed by Embassy Pictures and United Artists.

The question of who would bring this monolithic human-hydrangea?  Answer:  Dick Durock.  The 6’5” former Marine Durock was not afraid to jump into character skin, no matter how hairy, tight, or otherwise uncomfortable it might have been.  Durock may not have been the face of Dr. Alec Holland, played by genre cult actor Ray Wise (“Robocop,” “Twin Peaks”) before succumbing to transformational injury and rebirth, but the Indiana born actor certainly became the face of “Swamp Thing” throughout a decade with the sequel and the subsequent television show.  Durock captures not only the strength but also the humanity of the superhero in this origin story, a feat hard to accomplish for a man in a skin-clinging green and bulky suit.  Not to diminish Ray Wise’s performance by any means as the charismatic Wise is charming, passionate, and invested into making his Dr. Jekyll jive with the soon permanent Mr. Hyde to come, but as titular principal, Durock becomes the face of foliage on steroids.  Before solidifying herself as a scream queen, a young Adrienne Barbeau would have more difficulty in her Alice Cable role reflected in having some kind of feelings for essentially the same character in two versions played by different actors.  Yet, Barbeau beats the buggy Carolina heat as well as the differentiate obstacles by being a kickass government agent able to handle herself around the frighteningly new swamp creature and Arcane’s goon squad.  Before he was a James Bond villain in “Octopussy,” Louise Jordan donned the arrogancy of a tyrannical thinker yearning for the unique powers of others.  Jordan’s quite pretentious as the unrelentless Arcane and that makes the actor be the quintessential antagonist but I would not say his performance places his character in complete rivalry as “Swamp Thing’s” archnemesis.  Something is missing from their dynamics within their broad encounters that make the struggle appear impersonal and distant.  Even when Arcane ingests the formula and turns into a werewolf-like beast and the two superpowers clash, I wouldn’t label their conflict personally intertwined.  Perhaps Alec Holland and Alice Cable’s pre-mutation passion wasn’t strong enough or Swamp Thing’s deep-seeded desire for Alice wasn’t rooted well that makes Arcane just whither like a sun-beaten plant without water.  Another character that’s beaten into the ground is Ferret played by David Hess (“The Last House on the Left”) as head mercenary without any real power or absolute authority over his men, turning Hess more into like Tracey Walter in Tim Burton’s “Batman” but not as cool or as likeable.  “Swamp Thing” cast rounds out with Nicholas Worth (“Darkman”), Don Knight (“Death in Space”), Nannette Brown (“My Boyfriend’s Back”), Al Ruban (“1,000 Shapes of a Female”), Mimi Craven (“Last Gasp”), Karen Price, and Reggie Batts as the unlikely best child character in all of the film as an interesting and lone gas station attendant with hilarious, deadpan wisecracks. 

“Swamp Thing” may not be the first comic book superhero to be pulled from the DC lined colorfully illustrated and action-packed pages and adapted to the big screen but what separates the mucky-dwelling plant hero from the other is he’s cape-less, without ray guns and jetpacks, and appears as a monstrous humanoid rather than a regarded normal looking servant of justice as with Superman, Batman, or Wonder Woman.  “Swamp Thing” intrigues viewers with their own internal conflict stemmed from a foundationally laid idea that mutant creatures or unnatural monsters are inherently bad guys.  “Swamp Thing” becomes a part of that trailblazing group of grotesque good guys with hearts of gold.  Yes, the 1982 feature hasn’t held up over time with some of the low on the totem pole creatures suits and makeup I’ve seen, even with the agreeable Swamp Thing suit showing the rubbery creases and fold overs when Dirk Durock has to hold an object; however, to balance out the cut-rate features, special features picks up the tab with stunt boat chases, invisible pull wires, and a man set on fire that’s intense.  With a slashed budget, Wes Craven scripts on the fly to churn out a watered down but still flavorful cinematic origin story that’s full of heart and humanity and partly carried by the sweat and endurances of an eclectic cast and a handful of popcorn action patches.

“Swamp Thing” emerges from out of the muck yet again and onto a 2-Disc 4K/Blu-ray combo set from MVD Visual’s Rewind Collection label, specially marked as the first release on the LaserVision Collection.  The restored 4K UHD Dolby Vision is presented in 2160p and in a 1.85:1 widescreen aspect ratio on a BD100 while the Blu-ray is presented in 1080p high definition with the same aspect ratio on a BD50.  Each format presents two cuts of the film – a PG version and an international Unrated version – both of which have collated from various cuts of the film, resulting in some impressively rich grading that offers refreshed saturation levels of a lusher swamp environment.  More of that richness is conveyed through the UHD with providing deeper tones to make the swamps isolate and swallow characters while also have a sense of being alive amongst the hazy, knee-high fog, opaque waters, and thick vegetation.  Black levels look fine with the amount of grain that can vary from scene-to-scene but not compression issues to talk about on both spectacular approached formats.  The 4K offers a remastered DTS-HD MA 2.0 mono, which is same as on the Blu-ray, that unjustly limits “Swamp Thing’s” audible potential.  Dialogue has some deficiency projecting with all the tracks transmitting through a single channel that’ll force the up arrow on the volume setting or require a punchy soundbar or headphones to get to a clearer understanding of what characters are conversing.  The intrinsic ambience would have been better suited for multi-channel network to extract everything the swampy milieu had to offer, plus punchier fights, but if not an audiophile, these tracks will ultimately sate a viewer’s goal.  Range decently enough limps through despite the surround sound as we receive enough explosions and barrages of bullets to check that box, but depth struggles through the audio layers.  Both formats also include a Spanish language mono track and optional English subtitles.  Special features vary across the two releases with the UHD having limited extras due to storage but what is included is the PG version, the Unrated International version that includes Adrienne Barbeau’s topless scenes, an archive commentary with writer-director Wes Craven moderated by commentary director Sean Clark on both versions of the film, commentary with makeup artist William Munns moderated by Michael Felsher of the commentary/documentary conducting Red Shirt Pictures, also on both versions.  The Blu-ray contains the same extras above plus another Red Shirt Pictures’ interview with Adrienne Barbeau Tales from the Swamp, an interview with Reggie Batts Hey Jude, a discussion with Len Wein, the creator of “Swamp Thing,” the featurette Swamp Screen:  Designing DC’s Main Monster, the featurette From Krug to Comics:  How the Mainstream Shaped a Radical Genre Voice, photo galleries, and theatrical trailer. This must-own set, that caters to paying homage to the Laserdisc, comes retail green 4K Ultra HD snapper that in holds the 4K and Blu-ray on each side of the interior wall. The exterior features an illustrated encirclement of the main players – Dirk Durock and Andrienne Barbeau in comic character – on a single-sided front cover, sheathed inside a cardboard O-slip cover with the same cover art. Both disc presses also represent the original Laserdisc art. The insert contains a folded mini poster of the slipcover design. Two version, one release headline both the 91-minute PG and 93-minute Unrated version of the film with the entire package region locked in A. I may have finally watched Wes Craven’s “Swamp Thing,” but I won’t be the last as I highly recommend this stellar launch into ultra high-definition territory with the original quagmire superhero.

“Swamp Thing” on 4k / Blu-ray Combo!  Now Available on Amazon.com!