Today, I came across a film entitled Don’t Fuck in the Woods and if you’re a die hard horror fan, you know that fucking in the woods (or in any horror scenario) will get you killed – reference Scream (1996). The synopsis is simple enough as a group of graduating friends take a debauchery camping trip to celebrate where things go horrifically wrong.
The “creature feature” labeled project is still in the pre-production fundraiser stage with shooting beginning Summer 2014. Writer and director Shawn Burkett has been involved in similar projects such as Midsummer Nightmares, Bludgeon, and Theater of the Deranged II. But what is most appealing about DFITW is the recent casting. Ayse Howard is the first name on the casting list and has worked with Burkett on numerous occasions. Apparently, TheDirty states she is a big slut (), but I’m a positive person and she looks like a great “slut” to hangout with. I see potential nudity written all over her character.
Ayse Howard
The second cast member is Suicide Girl Deziree Angel. This gauged out gal will be making her film debut with Don’t Fuck in the Woods. Garuanteed nudity? Who knows? But there is one aspect of her life that I can tell and that is that this Angel doesn’t dig guys and, perhaps, would care for a role where a one-on-one female scene would be required? We could only be so lucky, but I’m glad Angel is branching out from SG and making headlines as an actress.
Diziree Angel (left)
Trailer Trash will bring you the hottest, latest horror trash ready to hit the silver and big screens. While I agree with most that trailers spoil mostly the good scenes, I can’t shun my excitement and my passion to share upcoming horror with my (lack of) audience.
Zombeavers
A cabin trip with high hopes of sexual and booze debauchery is turned into a nightmare for survival with the local beaver population is actually an undead horde of deadly beavers that will stop at nothing to taste that sweet, luscious flesh upon their two front teeth.
Lucky Bastard
“Lucky Bastard” porn website searches for the ultimate fan to have sex with his favorite porn star. Within a vacant house filled with CTV cameras, one lucky bastard will have sex dreams fulfilled, but the producers might have bitten more off than they chew with their fan as his fantasies involve more than just sex.
I’m sad to say that yesterday, April 2, 2013, one of the greatest Spanish Sexploitation director passed away at the grand ole age of 82. The grandfather of horror and sex cinematic gold directed over 200 films and directed famous stars such as Christopher Lee (Count Dracula) and spreading his skin films across the international board.
While most of the time the money was no available, Jess Franco made movies that entertained and captured people interests using three important components – sex, blood, and horror. The cause of death is still unknown.
Alright! Vintage horror porn! Well, maybe not vintage, but definitely retro porn! Director John Holbrook directs his own horror spoof Sexcula in 1974 nearly 40 years prior to the more recent spoof entitled This Ain’t Dracula XXX. Neither flick will scare your pants off, but somehow your pants will still come off especially with Debbie Collin’s as the sleazy Countess Sexcula!
This campy sexcapade blends horror with hardcore, bushy pornography that includes a the horny Countess Sexcula, a buxom blonde that can’t wait to sink her teeth into the next willing male, and her cousin Dr. Fallatingstein, a saucy brunette who builds a pleasure mate with a serious flaccid problem. Sexcula is brought in to help her cousin in trying to “lift” her mate’s spirits with various seductive pleasures and other depraved methods.
Striptease Gorilla!
Honestly, I’ve never heard of Sexcula so when I popped the Synapse and Impulse Picture’s disc into the player, I was pleasantly shocked that Sexcula turned out to be a full-fledged pornographic movie; once I saw the tip of the penis being swirled around the lips of Debbie Collins I knew I was in for a treat! Collin’s doesn’t just get naked, she gets naked plus performing scene after scene and perform the nasty after the nasty while a loose plot is woven in throughout…somewhere….you just have to kind of look past the sex to see the plot.
Sexcula becomes a bit kinky too. In order to get Dr. Fallatingstein’s man in working order, Sexcula conducts a striptease with a Gorilla involved! A sex-bot lies motionless on a table ready and willing to receive any throbbing member even from Orgie (prnounced Or-g) the lonely hunchback Quasimodo-type character. Also, and I think this is the most perverse part of the movie, the stick-it-to-the-institution-of-marriage porn scene where a couple can’t wait to say “I do” before a foursome madness ensues. The scene also brings a new meaning to “wife-swapping” as the bride takes on not only the groom, but the best man and the priest too!
If the plot was given more thought and a better writing to it’s campiness, Sexcula would have been a stellar hit in porno world. I’d would have liked to have seen more horror a long with the sex, but with any porn spoof like This Ain’t Dracula XXX or Evil Head you have to unbalance the plot with more humor than horror or else the feel of the film more turn more into a snuff film. With the lushness of 1970s horror with the UK Hammer horror films and the United States’ exploitative films, the Canadians could not capitalize or even utilize the horror elements and instead focused more on peace and leave – the way the 70’s are stereotypically viewed.
I’m also disappointed that Jamie Orlando, Dr. Fallatingstein, didn’t grace us with her body. But I shouldn’t be bashing Sexcula; I shouldn’t be expecting more than what meets the eye; I should take things at face value. What should I expect from a movie named Sexcula? Just a ravaging romp of lots of hot un-condomized sex ready to spread all the love and diseases one could handle! Bring on the Sexcula and I must have SEX on the mind because I just reviewed another sex-titled filmed Sexsquatch which you can read my review of the film here.
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