
Ten overly obese contestants compete on a boot camp type reality show to lose the extra pounds and have a chance at winning one million dollars in prize money. With intense health-crazed coaches, a strict unconventional exercise regiment, and a low-carb diet on the menu, things couldn’t be worse for the over weight competitors until people started to disappear and end up being murdered. Shedding the weight was literately the case as one-by-one a contestant’s eviscerated remains were discovered. Now the competition’s stakes have intensified and death is lurking around every corner. And we all thought fat shaming was worst that could happen to the weight challenged…

“Camp Massacre,” “Massacre Camp,” “Summer Camp Massacre,” Klown Kamp Massacre.” No matter how you jumble up these specific words, a generic title is still a generic title and the title “Camp Massacre” puts a pre-viewing damper on a long night of film watching along with a cover splayed with a former porn starlet and Charlie Sheen ex-“goddess” Bree Olson, semi-retired wrestler Al Snow, and, well, some unknown hot brunette chick with a bloodied chainsaw who doesn’t appear to be a part of the cast. Going into “Camp Massacre” knowing that this title considers itself a horror-comedy had helped push myself into popping in the disc and pressing the play button or else this title might still be collecting cobwebs on the nightstand.

The opening scene introduces the viewers to two young and attractive women and one large, unattractive woman in a hotel room discussing plans on what they’ll do tonight on a foreign island land which is undisclosed to us – looked like Key West, honestly. One of the women pondering going out on a night on the town is Bree Olson and before you know, Olson is fully and gratuitously nude in a sensual, extended shower scene and you all know what happens if you show your skin too soon in a horror movie! This ambiguously set and gratuitously shot segment proceeds into the main title and credits that slide right into the meat of the film that seemingly almost has nothing to do with the opener. The introductory scene barely hangs on even with the finale connection, but this thin connection creates an out of place awkward sequence that stands out like a sore thumb.

Connectivity and longevity of story remembrance sums up co-directors Daniel Emery Taylor and Jim O’Rear’s experience in filmmaking. The two filmmakers also produce and star in this collaborated effort to bring comedy and horror to a Biggest Loser reality show parody and to homage their love for certain horror icons. The hot topic of obesity is currently in a state of widespread prevalence making “Camp Massacre” relevant to the world’s personal and social problems that the media hops on, but the real question is did directors Taylor and O’Rear succeed in making a good comedic and horrifying quasi-film out of movie about obesity? That conclusion is all in the eye of the beholder and all in the interpretation of the viewer.

Is “Camp Massacre” a horror film? Yes. Is “Camp Massacre” a comedy movie? Yes. Is “Camp Massacre” a good horror-comedy? On a scale from one to ten, with ten being the highest – a three. Let me explain; the killer is written as a chubby villain with a “Six Pack, Abs” red apron and a Kentucky Fried Chicken family bucket on his head for a mask. If the killer’s looks intended to be a hoot, then there was a monumental failure. The killer’s arsenal is a collection of obviously off-colored prop knives and machetes that could be considered costume jewelry or packaged costume outfit accessories for party goers. The death effects are a bag of cheap tricks which are not sold convincingly and don’t bring the blood in which “Massacre” implies. The one single element going for “Camp Massacre” being a horror film – or even within the standards of a comedy – is the amount of nudity. Bree Olson, Megan Hunt, Amy Boyatt, and even Taylor’s wife, Ami Taylor, succumb to the conventions of a campy horror film and reveal the goods for the world to bear-witness. My only question is, where was Ava Cronin’s nude scene?

As far as the comedy side of this horror-comedy, “Camp Massacre” delivers on some levels mostly hanging around on a slapstick and immaturity elements. Daniel Emery Taylor’s character Greg paired with T.J. Moreschi’s Andy couldn’t ask for a better coupling as a budding duo who compliment each other’s wits with different character personalities. Add in a self absorbed narcissist body guard (who on the DVD cover looks like a coach with a whistle and clipboard) character named Ritz played by the bulky wrestler Al Snow and you’ll get a chuckle or two out of this feature. Ritz delivers quirky quips like “everything is good on top of a Ritz” during the scenes right moment. However, much of the comedy misses the mark and also just comes off as saying a lot of “fucks” in the dialogue which becomes stale after a first twenty. Simply put, the comedy is overly clichéd, but can still give you a half-assed tickling.

I’m not overtly excited about “Camp Massacre’s” characters either. Greg, Andy, and Ritz are fine and I’m found the homosexual Jarrod and the hispanic Josue to be entertaining. The rest of the cast seemed a bit tired. Actor William S. Tolliver was either sitting or laying flat the whole movie which was probably due to his weight, but the character became old as Tolliver didn’t express much versatility for an immobile character. Darc Ness, played by Ernest Douglas Nichols, didn’t bring the Goth attitude I had hoped. The character mixed Goth and serenity blending the persona into a off-key concoction. Most of the cast have worked with Taylor and O’Rear and have become their own heavy set version of entourage. What the film needed was more Michael Myers portrayer Dick Warlock, but that’s neither here nor there.

The MVDVisual DVD dons a 1.78:1 widescreen transfer that looks decent except for a bit of posterizing after the opening credits in the darker scenes. The Dolby Digital 2.0 mix does well channeling and prioritizing the dialogue, but some production issues weigh heavy on an uneven mic placements causing slight interference from scene to scene. For disc extras, there is solely the movie’s trailer. Overall, “Camp Massacre” doesn’t deserve to be completely passed over, but I wouldn’t expect instantaneous cult status or life changing acting nor an outer-body experience in filmmaking. Instead, take “Camp Massacre” for what it’s worth; a bunch of fat guys at boot camp being stalked by a bucket head killer with Al Snow and lots of nudity. Where can you go wrong with all that?
Tag Archives: slasher
Drug Abuse Resistance Evil! “Attack of the Morningside Monster” review!

Director Chris Ethridge and screenwriter Jayson Palmer embark on their very first feature film and they welcomes themselves right into the horror genre tackling a slasher film that made it (and won) a handful of film festivals including Fright Night Filmfest and International Horror & Sci-Fi Film Festival. Not bad for a pair of first timers. Their film, “Attack of the Morningside Monster” holds water because the pair were graced with a solid cast of veteran actors such as Robert Pralgo of “The Vampire Diaries,” genre actress Tiffany Shepis (“Night of the Demons” 2009 remake), and Nicholas Brendon from the TV series “Buffy the Vampire Slayer.”
Sheriff Tom Haulk is a straight edge man of the law in his small town of Morningside, New Jersey where everybody knowns everyone. Where small town secrets become small town big news. When corpses of the local drug runners start to turn up murdered and eviscerated, the sheriff starts to notice a pattern when a strange tribal symbol accompanies the gutted bodies. While Tom tries to decipher the pieces to his case, his childhood best fried Mark has personal struggles of his own keeping his cancer stricken wife alive. Tom and Mark both face demons from the past and present and their futures turn dark with a killer on a loose and death knocking at the door.

“Attack of the Morningside Monster” is a basic enough cops try to puzzle together a serial murder’s motives. What the script does however is make the ending fairly predictable, but does throw in a curveball of sorts. The only element of the story that can’t be predicted is the motive behind the killer which leaves just enough wonder for the unexpected viewer. In the end, picking out the killer is not difficult and is practically an alley-oop just waiting for the slam dunk.

Despite a transparent script, the cast of acting vets delivers reasonable flair. I haven’t seen Nicholas Brendon since “Demon Island” that involved a killer pinata (classic b-movie fun). I’m glad to seen Nicholas is still acting and his role as Mark reminds me much of his “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” role: a bit weak, strong when needed, and a nervous wreck. Cult actress Tiffany Shepis deputy Klare Austin role doesn’t shine as much as one would hope for in a actress of her credit history. Deputy Austin more or lesses flounders around the town trying to solve this case on her own without the help of her boss. Speaking of the boss Tom Haulk, Robert Pralgo has had a more mainstream career and that translate more clearly to the screen. Pralgo delivers a sheriff on a mission to make things right even if it costs him his job and his soul.
I wasn’t too keen on the motive behind the killer who wore a tribal tiled mask and a wheeled around an ancient deadly mace like weapon. Rest of the killer’s outfit involved black cape and hood and rubber gloves like you wear when doing the dishes. The “Monster,” as the movie credits the character, wasn’t very thriller aesthetically and looked more like a cheap halloween costume party goer who decided to attend the big bash at the last minute. The death scenes weren’t that all excellent as well, but given the movie’s crowd-funded budget from indiegogo.com I can’t speak too much on the matter than other that the kill scenes were as great as they were funded.

But why the title “Attack of the Morningside Monster?” A slightly boring and generic title could have given this feature more life especially since the killer is described using a certain kill method. A more thought-provoking title surely would have been appreciated for this entertaining low-budget film that keeps you guessing about the killer’s thirst for drug dealers and their vital organs. Check it out on DVD next year January 20, 2015 from Apprehensive Films and MVDvisual.
Video Vileness: Lady Killers Delivers Sexy Jason Voorhees and Freddy Krueger!
Ladies! Listen up! If you need a last minute Halloween costume idea, than watch this Nerdist presented video where a very sexy and blonde Freddy Krueger battles a boobtastic brunette Jason Voorhees in a slasher showdown winner takes the nerdy, sleep deprived shop clerk. Adrianne Curry and Abby Dark-Star star as Freddy and Jason.
You’re welcome.
Legacy of Evil! “Legacy of Thorn” review!
What truly makes an ultimate killer and when I say “ultimate” I mean a killer with great power and will stop at nothing to get a prey? Jason Voorhees is an ultimate killer as he’s able to resurrect over and over and over again in order to slaughter mischievous camp goers. Michael Myers is an ultimate killer as he’s able to pick a victim up by the victim’s head and gouge his eyes while crushing his skull at the same time. Both Voorhees and Myers contain a certain kind of ruthful, limitless evil that makes Ted Bundy and Ed Gacy seem like cut and cuddly kittens. These ultimate killers are the very definition of the moniker. We can now add one more name to that list: Thorn.
Jess and three other survivors look to save their town and see revenge after a night of hell four years ago, February 29th – leap year. Every leap year, Thorn, a vicious, supernatural, and unstoppable killer, roams the town of Avondale to reek chaos and death until he locates his sacrifice. Four years later, Jess and her friends are able to capture Thorn and when their decision to kill Thorn backfires, another night of hell ensues and this time nothing will stop Thorn from taking what Thorn seeks.

The character that is Thorn is a mixture of Jason Voorhees and the DC Universe and Batman villain Bane in a sense that while Thorn has an immense amount of strength and rejuvenation, Thorn is dependent. Bane relies on Venom to induce superhuman strength. The same goes for Thorn but with his mask giving Thorn also superhuman strength and while Voorhees has his machete, Thorn has two machetes for double the decapitations but he wasn’t limited to just his machetes as crushed multiple skulls with his bare hand and tore a woman half also with his bare hands – best scene ever. This will be Richard Daniel Thomas Holloran (whew) second time playing the Thorn character and he has the slow stalking walk down and the menacing posture that resembles the posture of the iconic horror legend Kane Hodder!

Director-writer MJ Dixon captures the essence of an ultimate killer combining brutal deaths and a silent hatred while giving Thorn his own murderous theme soundtrack that is a necessity amongst all ultimate killers. Dixon’s editing techniques are top-notch and can rival many of today’s A-list directors; he has talented eye for editing and from “Legacy of Thorn” and “Slasher House” (a semi-sequel to “Legacy of Thorn” – read my review here), I’d trust the director with my low-budget screenplay and precious backing money. I’m certainly thought fond of the linear progression of current time and the reverse chronological order of four years ago when the group of friends were attacked. This editing choice resulted in more dramatic character developed. I actually give a shit about these people who are being hunted. The writing could use a bit of work especially in the first act as the pace slowly builds. There was also a scene where the hero characters – Jess (Jade Wallis), Eric (Paris Rivers), Alice (Jane Haslehurst), and Clark (Craig Canning) – kept debating why they should or should not kill Thorn. Another little annoyance was the blue tint. Much like in Slasher House with the yellowish green tint, Dixon’s heavy hand on blue tint made the film nearly too dark; however, the Duke blue tint did bring an ominous feel. The special effects involved with Thorn’s kills were subtle and the use of slight of hand came off a bit obvious, but overall the deaths were well executed, if I may use that pun.

Thorn will never die like the ultimate killer he is and will need more stories in the future. His Legacy will live on and I hope to see him again in another rampage involving another group of shaken and distressed teens. There definitely needs to be more background on the character as we don’t know much about Thorn but the facts that returns to Avondale on every leap year and the majority of the town has conspired to keep Thorn pleased with their assistance. Lets establish more of that and make it more coherent in Legacy of Thorn: Chapter 3! “Legacy of Thorn” is now available for DVD pre-order in the UK and the US from MyCho Entertainment Group and Red:Fuse Releasing and looking to hit retail shelves on Tuesday October 27th – just in time for Halloween.
2014 Halloween Commercials #2: Geico’s “Its What You Do” – A Texas Chainsaw reference!
Here’s your second horror commercial for this years Halloween! Straight up reference for the slasher-survival series A Texas Chainsaw Massacre (…most likely) and it’s another good commercial for Geico if I must let you know! Check it out.