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EVIL Seduces the Woman of her Dreams. “Vampyros Lesbos” reviewed! (Severin Films / 4K UHD and Blu-ray)

Posted by Steven Lewis on

Men Beware of the “Vampyros Lesbos” now on 4K UHD and Blu-ray

Linda’s dreams vividly disturb her with imagery of an idyllic island where blood rivulets watercourse down curtains while being in the romantic embrace of a swarthy beautiful woman.  These dreams are so powerful she must see a therapist about them.  When attending an nude performance art show with husband Omar, she’s shocked to see the woman on stage is the same woman from her dreams.   The coincidence lingers with Linda on her business trip to a Turkish island where she meets Countess Nadine Carody to discuss a large inheritance from a Count Dracula.  Come to her surprise, Countess Carody is the same woman from on stage.  Immediately, Linda’s under Countess Carody’s suggestive sexual influence of a lesbian vampire.  When Carody falls deeply for Linda, she will stop at nothing to have her whole, as one of her, to pass along the tradition of inherence as Dracula has done for her, but Omar, the psychiatrist Dr. Seward who’s familiar with vampirism, and a Memmet, a hotel clerk moonlighting as a rogue and vindictive vampire hunter, aim to help Linda from Carody’s grasp one way or another. 

The director behind some of Europe’s sleaziest erotic-horrors, such as “The Sadist of Notre Dame,” “Ilsa, the Wicked Warden,” and “A Virgin Among the Living Dead,” Jesús Franco, aka Jess Franco, was a prolific cult icon of the past, the present, and will still be in the future.  The Spanish born filmmaker grew up in the Francisco Franco dictatorship for over 30 years but that didn’t stop him from expressing his artistic freedom with the 1971 released “Vampyros Lesbos, “ a German production set in Turkey that mirrors the classic Bram Stoker tale but with teaks of character, scenery, and sexual orientation albeit “Dracula” is too thought to be a homoerotic tale to some filmic scholars.  Compositely filmed in Turkey, Spain, and Germany, “Vampyros Lesbos” is a production of Tele-Cine Film und Fernsehproduktion, Central Cinema Company, and the Fénix Cooperativa Cinematográfica with Karl Heinz Mannchen as executive producer and Artur Brauner as producer, both of whom worked on Franco’s “The Vengeance of Doctor Mabuse,” and the story, based loosely off of Stoker’s tale, is penned by Franco. 

Like other Franco productions of this caliber, the cast is comprised of internationals, ranging from Spain to Sweden, from Britian to Switzerland, and to finally Germany without a single Turkish thespian in sight despite the story’s setting locale of Istanbul.  As mentioned briefly above, “Vampyros Lesbos” follows a threadbare version of Bram Stoker’s iconic Gothic tale that trades the grotesque Gothicisms for sunnier skies and idyllic island houses.  The basic principal characters are present from Stoker’s story but have been tweaked to fit Franco’s feverous surreal aesthetic that has a really sink its teeth into the homoerotic indulgencies.  Swedish actress Ewa Strömberg (“The Devil Came from Akasava,” “She Killed in Ecstasy”) resembles something along the lines of a Jonathan Harker-type but instead of being in real estate, like Harker, her character Linda Westinghouse is an inheritance lawyer dispatched to Countess Carody’s island home where she is bewitched by Carody’s infatuation and lust for her lifeforce.  Countess Carody is the obvious counterpart to Count Dracula but spun in a way that makes Bram Stoker’s story more like a tangent rather than remake as it’s Count Dracula’s fortune Countess Carody is inheriting.  Spanish actress Soledad Miranda (who also costarred with Strömberg in “The Devil Came from Akasava” and “She Killed in Ecstasy”) is the sultriest creature on the screen in Carody’s nude and neck biting pastimes and coupled with the easy-going Linda, Strömberg and Miranda sizzle as lesbian lovers very comfortable with each other’s performances and bodies.  Van Helsing is embodied by Dr. Seward but with reverse tendencies that do not require the doctor to be the stake to stop vampirism but rather entertain an unexpected twist trait that’s quite opposite.  Seward is played by British actor Dennis Price (“Tower of Evil”) and is a comparable Van Helsing amongst the previous lot but definitely less harrowing and dramatic than most.  Seward’s deranged patient Agra is the final piece to the Stoker narrative semblance as the story’s Renfield.  German actress Heidrun Kussin (“The Swingin’ Pussycats”) does not eat or feign eat bugs and other nightcrawlers to aspire being a vampire but retains Renfield’s psychic connection while going hysteria topless as she squirms in bed for her master’s return to whisk her away into the night.  “Vampyros Lesbos” rounds out the cast with new cast not familiar to Bram Stoker’s “Dracula” with Andrea Montchal (“Eugenie de Sade”) as Linda’s husband Omar, José Martínez Blanco as Countess Carody’s loyal bodyguard Morpho, Paul Muller (“Lady Frankenstein”) as Dr. Seward’s assistant Dr. Steiner, and Jesús Franco in the role of Memmet, a hotel clerk with a visceral vendetta against vampires. 

Arguably the most notable film out of the prolific Jesús Franco filmography, as I believe it to rival another outstanding piece of work from Franco, “Eugenie… The Story of Her Journey into Perversion, starring Christopher Lee and Maria Rohm based off the Marquis de Sade novel, “Vampyros Lesbos” is perhaps Franco’s most recognized piece film that has a sliver of notoriety while also spurring a remake years later in a 20-minute short film in 2008 by Matthew Saliba.  Most of Franco’s repitoire can be said as messy, a mash up of other films recut to make a new film, hackeneyed, and a complete dull, but “Vampyros Lesbos” is different.  It’s also not the same Eurosleaze one might be familiar with in regard to his catalogue; in fact, “Vampyros Lesbos,” despite the name, doesn’t even feel like sleaze.  There’s a naturality about it underneat it’s Bram Stoker-homoericism message sans the gratuitous nudity that’s more of a playful exploration of sexuality.  The only resemblance of sex is through the vampiric rite of seductive foreplay and subsequential drinking of the blood and with only Linda and Countess Nadine in scenes of embrace.  Not even poor Linda’s husband, Omar, has conjugal interactions and that plays into the whole theme of the story that Oman and Linda have this sexless relationship and here comes along Countess Nadine and her oozing sexpot of Linda’s fantasies inside a one-side power dynamic.  There’s no degenerate-filled debasement in this sexploitation, one the story’s traits that actually separates itself from “Eugenie,” and Franco, like with “Eugenie” on this element, actually helms an artistic aesthetic with good editing, crafty angles, and a varied cinematography blend of natural and stylized imaging. 

Provocative European sexploitation that isn’t busk European sleaze, “Vampyros Lesbos” is zenith Jess Franco, a social-political rebel and artist unafraid to tell a story that won’t tickle everyone’s interest but definitely be an archetype of the director’s caliber.  Severin Films proudly presents “Vampyros Lesbo” onto a new 4K UHD and Blu-ray dual-format set with a 4K presentation scanned from the original 35mm negative.  The 4K UHD is compressed with HVEC encoding onto a BD100 and the standard Blu-ray is AVC encoded onto a BD50 with respective resolutions of 2160p and 1080p.  The European 1.66:1 widescreen is the aspect ratio on both formats, but the UHD uses DolbyVision to expand upon the already lush color pallet with a richer complexity within the color scheme even though Franco loves his most muted black dressings on characters and on sets.  The extra pixels offer deeper textural, mostly auspiciously perceived in the club scenes that present a room of textures and in often brightly lit captures that don’t washout the details but rather define them more accurately.   The standard Blu-ray offers the same approach but brought back a step or two due to format limitations on the color scale and pixel count but a lesser keen eye won’t take much notice.  The original negative print shows no egregious mishandling damage or degrading emulsion wear.  The only audio track available is the German Mono ADR track with optional English subtitles.  This release does not contain the English dub that’s lost out there in physical media land.  The mono track has a flat tone with no depth to speak of and is full of desynch between dialogue movements and audio overlay but never hides behind the other single output layers. German Manfred Hübler and Sigfried Schwab eclectic score is a fun listen with brass, piano, sentur, light drums, and bass compiled to an era swanky main score that’s quoted being a sexadelic dance party, and rightfully so.  There’s even a distorted vocals on a slow beat jazz track that provides the unsettling and sultry notes for the underplayed horror side of this sexploitation.  Special features on the UHD includes audio commentaries by Kat Ellinger, author of Daughter of Darkness, and a collab between film academic Aaron AuBuchon and Oscarbate Film Collective’s John Dickson and Will Morris.  The UHD concludes with the German theatrical trailer.  The standard Blu-ray has more wiggle room for bons features with all the above from UHD, plus an interview with Jess Franc just prior to his death Interlude in Lesbos, an interview with Stephen Trower, author of Murderous Passions:  The Delirious Cinema of Jesús Franco, a Jess Franco career appreciation by “Anora” director Sean Baker The Red Scarf Diaries, the Stephen Thrower hosted In the Land of Franco, Part 12 looks at iconic locales from Franco’s films with a primary focus on “The Sadist of Notre Dame” which his set in Paris, France, an interview with Soledad Miranda historian Amy Brown Sublime Soledad, a 3-minute mini interview with Jess Franco labeled Jess is Yoda that provides some comedic flair and “Star Wars” references, and the German opening title sequence.  Physically, Severin’s release has a stark, hard contrast cardboard O-ring slipcover with Soledad Miranda in a seductive position starring right aback at you in front of black background.  The backside of the slipcover contains no technical information but does have review quotes, credit acknowledgments, and lingering stare between Countess Carody and Linda Westinghouse.  Inside you’ll find the classic 4K UHD Amaray with Severin’s original Blu-ray art from 2015, commissioned by graphic artist Ben Benscoter.  There is no reverse image on the sleeve.  The discs are held separately with one each side of the interior.  The 89-minute film is not rated and is region free for global enjoyment.

Last Rites: Jess Franco’s “Vampyros Lesbos” is on the select short list of how the Spanish director should be judged by existing and new fans of his work and remembered in his long career and legacy as a truly psychedelic, auteur driven, lesbian vampire film with plenty of women-centric allure and flesh.

Men Beware of the “Vampyros Lesbos” now on 4K UHD and Blu-ray

EVIL Would Be to Not Allow Yourself to Enjoy Japanese Gravure! “J-Girl Yummy: Mitsuha Kikukawa, Toka Rinne, and Reona Kirishima” reviewed! (Gravure Glamour Girls / Blu-ray)

Posted by Steven Lewis on

You Can Find Mitsuha Kikukawa, Toka Rinne, and Reona Kirishima on DVD and Blu-ray at JGirlYummy.com

The J-Girl Yummy series presents three gorgeous new women who are prevalent from the pornographic Japanese Adult Videos (JAV).  Instead of hardcore assembly of action that often doesn’t feel as intimate as maybe one hopes, your favorite starlet now only has eyes for you in this softcore series that nearly leaves nothing to the imagination.  Mitsuha Kikukawa (“My Father Steals My Beautiful Fiancé,” “My Compliant Pet”), Toka Rinne (“Mamacita Stories,” “Married Woman’s Cheating Heart”), and Reona Kirishima (“Countdown to Nakadashi,” “On a Stormy Night – I found Myself Alone with My Sister-in-Law Upon Whom I had a Crush”) find themselves as the next trio lot for the showcasing series that explores their solo talents and provides a one-on-one between their hot bodies and the camera, seducing the lens with playful flirtation, a captivating allure, and a stimulating interaction that breaks the fourth wall as they stare, talk, and moan back with inviting eyes for their loyal fanbase. 

In a world where sex sells, any form of the vice is surely to be valuable.  Hardcore adult films reign as king amongst viewers but there’s also a sizable market for softcore productions, if the ever-desired Skinemax and more highly sought after risky mainstream erotic dramas were not prime evidence enough to make the case.  Across the oceans and lands, hailing from Japan, and landing in the North Americas are the gravure videos, Japanese media of idols, or models, posing suggestively with innocence, brazenness, and fun time pleasureful.  Gravure videos are typically bikini-cladded women, but the Gravure Glamour Girls produced J-Girl Yummy series go the extra mile by rolling back the clothes with the Japanese censorship working overtime trying to keep the pelvis area obscured from view with impenetrable strategically placed objects.  The films offer no credits other than its centerpiece idol on all surfaces of the packaging and in the encoding on the feature.   

We begin with Mitsuha Kikukawa, the now 28-year-old from Tokyo measures in at 5’5” tall with a waist at 61cm (24 inches) that curve down to just above a 3’ hip span and a Japanese F cup bust, equivalent to a U.S size between B and C cup.  With a high and full cheek bone structure, large round eyes, and pearly white teeth underneath a lighter color bob cut, Mitsuha has petite in all the right places of her traditional Japanese physique with a nicely round and slightly larger than hand size breasts and thick tail end around the thighs and rear.  Mitsuha’s presence the best example of erotic foreplay without any physical interaction with a partner as she’s able to work the camera with her eyes, mouth, and body language by herself and that speaks to her level of rising arousal talent coupled by her unique look that closely resembles a live example of an Anime interpretation of a young girl.  Each scene introduces a new element into her working the camera to maximize the intended result, to provoke the viewer’s keen feelings for their obsession, or sex in general, and Mitsuha is the clear winner amongst her J-Girl Yummy counterparts. 

Next, Toka Rinne from the China prefecture feels like a whole foot taller than Mitsuha but according to her stats, Rinne is the same 5’5” in height.  Waist and hips are similar too at 58cm (23 inches) and 90cm (35 inches), making this Amazonian-built like woman smaller around the torso than Mitsuha, despite a small and immaterial front pooch belly, yet her bust size measures in a 98cm, a Japanese I cup, that would secure a U.S. 34D.  Rinne also has long auburn-black hair down to mid-back with a big smile and almond-shaped eyes, Rinne has a classical Japanese face that can be slightly masculine in some areas, such as cheek bones and chin and while she may have more of an hour glass figure with a large rack to appease breast men, she tightens and tucks her chin while leaning her forehead forward slightly.  This might be age related as she’s a whole 6-7 years older than her counterparts, born in 1990.  This is about the tip of the iceberg for her awkward and stiff movements in front of the camera, as if she doesn’t know how to work her hands on herself and she nearly sticks to a single pose for most of the clothes on portions.  Rinne’s body carries her through each scene but is less adventurous within the confines of her imagination to pretend being an intimate partner where it counts. 

Lastly, we come to Tokyo’s Reona Kirishima, the shortest of the three standing at 5’ tall that translates to her 56cm waist (22 inches), hips (33 inches), and a perky D cup bust, a healthy C-cup in the U.S.  Kirishima has lower back length dark hair with a red tint stringing through overtop her girl-next-door-face, well-manicured, slightly freckled face in which she looks more Latina than Japanese.  Though cute and appetizing in all regards to her physical appearance, her camerawork lacks the energy and the sensuality that graces the lens with little-to-no smiles but rather dull, blank stares; her eyes are not overly unique to warrant gazing alone.  She poses half-heartedly through her scenes with a hand timidity and rigidity in her movements, often revealing her hesitation where and how to move her body and, likely, working off verbal instruction from the videographer.  Though lacking kinetic enticements, Kirishima does unveil a little more bush area than Mitsuha (who has no bush) and Rinna (who has some bush).  This opens more opportunity for visual cues for the viewers’ imagination to run wild when teasing just below the top waistline of her bikini bottoms and with her last few scenes, Kirishima may be the most adventurously provocative gravure model of the three despite her lack of expression. 

Each gravure idol entry follows a similar formula that begins innocently enough in the backyard with a simple strip down of clothing, moving toward a semblance of athleticism, such as Mitsuha playing with a toy bat and ball that speaks to her love of baseball, Rinna’s bouncy-in-all-the-right-places jump roping, and Kirishima working the hips quite well with hula hooping.  After breaking a sweat going through the fun physical play motions, it’s time to get ironically down and dirty with a shower scene that begins with a coursing shower head around the button-down white shirt to finally ending up in the tub of murky soap water.  In between, each lady does soap up and massage themselves, missing no spot of skin in the process.  Kirishima nearly bypasses the censorship leg spread in her bath water which is less opaque compared to the others.  From there, it’s sexy secretary time as the ladies’ don similar black skirts, white button downs, and thigh-high or full black stockings that cover a bad girl’s lingerie beneath, slowly being unveiled in an enticing dress down as they longue seductively on leather or velvety upholstered furniture.  Through all the down shirts, up skirts, extreme closeups, thrustings, grindings, and overall peeling back of innocence, the next to last scene embarks head first into a spicier flair by already skimping down the idols into lingerie or bikini in a more vibrantly hot colored walls and décor and introducing a toy of sorts, such as a glass phallus or a fur wand, to accentuate and punctuate their desire and kink.  This sets up the JOI or POV scene of intercourse simulation to the eventual explosion of the male kind right onto the idol’s chest.  These scenes drop the soundtrack and volume up the in-scene sound for erotic dialogue or moaning.  However, not all three participate in the grand finale with Toka Rinna having either opted out or her footage was not included as her video ends with the spicier scene prior; speculation is that since Rinna had retired from JAV a few years prior, she may have opted out of a ”sex” scene.  There’s plenty to like from each three gravure idols but I do wish production was more attended to especially around covering up certain scuffs on the models’ bodies with simple makeup, such as a pair of clotted scrapes on Mitsuha’s hand or even removal of the Band-Aids on the back of Kirishima’s ankles, and this surely speaks to the limited crew and price value of the series and something we’ve noticed before with our last J-Girl Yummy trio review of Ryo Harusaki, Ai Haneda, and Aoi Kurungi.

From Pink Eiga and Gravure Glamour Girls, Mitsuha Kikukawa, Toka Rinne, and Reona Kirishima are now personally available to you in high-definition on the J-Girl Yummy gravures.  The Blu-rays are AVC encoded, offer 1080p resolution, on a 25 gigabyte BD-R, presented in a widescreen 1.78:1 aspect ratio.  Organic image and lots of natural lighting use, the picture often appears with a resulting soft effulgence, or a heavenly light to go with the heavenly bodies, but there are also no counteractive measures to stop the overexposure, washing out some of details not only in the backdrop but also on the body and face.  The digital quality, in its natural state, can’t re-produce the exact detail without a filter or touchup but this more natural approach provides a realism to the gravure despite the non-compression issue image loss.  A BD-R does not replicate or help retain the picture integrity to its fullest, but the J-Girl Yummy product encoding still manages to sustain a sharper image.  I did notice on Reona Kirishima’s static menu some macroblocking with the replay loop but that’s the extent of the glaring artefacts.  I suspect there is an issue with the encoding as Mitsuha and Toka come with an elevator music layer with the static menu but for Reona there is no music but the menu still loops.  The Japanese PCM Stereo is mostly silent during the feature with a genre variety of music from instrumental piano lounge to alternative rock, to a dabble in a low-key synth mix, often rough cutting from on to another in the same scene.  Dialogue, mostly pleasure derived moans and groans, does come about in the last simulated sex scene from the idol and is organically resonating within the given space and unfiltered camera mic.  There are no translation subtitles with the feature dialogue.  Special features are generally the same across the board that includes a captioned interview with the model just after wrapping the gravure, focusing primarily on their sexual habits and pleasures while dipping toes into their personal time favorites, such as hobbies when not filming scenes.  Compared to Mitsuha and Tokas’ interviews, Reona was extremely short with only a couple questions and a statement to the fans.  There is also a still gallery with each idol, the J-Girl Yummy trailer for them, and a preview of the next gravure model.  The Blu-rays come in standard Amaray with half-naked model front and center overtop a black banner with their name and a rainbow design in the backdrop.  Inside is an insert card with a definite NSFW image of them.  Each title is unrated and are region free with runtimes of 60 minutes for Mitsuha, 58 minutes for Toka, and a full feature-length of 80 minutes for Reona.

Last Rites: Sex is subjective. Depending on your desires and your hots for certain Japanese models, these gravure ladies – Mitsuha, Toka, and Reona – could make for great softcore sessions tailored to be tease in a solo performance that makes intimate and sexy. One thing is for sure, J-Girl Yummy series eases the most beautiful women adult stars from the East to the West and we just might not be ready for them yet!

You Can Find Mitsuha Kikukawa, Toka Rinne, and Reona Kirishima on DVD and Blu-ray at JGirlYummy.com

An Invisible, EVILociraptor is No Walk in Jurassic Park! “The Invisible Raptor” reviewed! (Well Go USA Entertainment / Blu-ray)

Posted by Steven Lewis on

“Insivible Raptor” Tearing Onto Bluray! Buy it Here!

 once promising paleontologist is reduced to being a dinosaur theme park sideshow act after being swindled and sued for a discovery of a lifetime aboard.  When a deadly and intelligent lab created raptor escapes from its maximum-security confines, the paleontologist, an attractive ex-girlfriend returning into his life, and an eager townie security guard with no friends must put a stop to the first living, breathing carnivorous dinosaur in 65 million years, but tracking down an invisible creature with razor sharp talons and teeth is no easy task, and they must follow the carnage and bloodshed of its wake in order to stop it.  With little resources, relying mostly on the paleontologist’s expertise and the chummy security guard’s willingness to take life-or-death risks for his new friends, the trio rope in a local, rough-around-the-edges chicken farmer to persuade the foul ancestor into a madcap trap before the whole town becomes raptor food. 

Audiences shouldn’t care about another “Jurassic Park” sequel.  Instead, any cretaceous period anticipation should all be channeled and focused toward Mikey Hermosa’s “The Invisible Raptor.”  The 2023 comedy-horror is not land of the lost as it lands right in our homes on a new physical media release.  Written between first feature film writers Mike Capes and Johnny Wickham, the “Dutch Hollow” director Hermosa is not one bit phased by the prospect that his main villain is every bit nasty and furious as antagonists come but is entirely out of sight!   With the challenge accepted, Hermosa aims to pull of the next big comedy-horror dinosaur film since “Tammy and the T-Rex” while ribbing in fun it’s bigger, more successful, campy-somber, franchised brethren mercilessly.  Hermosa coproduces the Showbiz Baby and Valecroft production with writers Capes and Wickham as well as William Ramsey and Nic Neary with Well Go USA owning the theatrical and at-home presentation rights. 

Capes writes for himself as the hard-up paleontologist Dr. Grant Walker, a play on Sam Neill’s Dr. Allen Grant, who has succumb to being of caricature of his profession and while the Dr. Walker is downcast despite his credentials, educations, and reputation, opposite him is the town goof Deniel “Denny” Denielson (David Shackelford, “Beneath”), a friendless, family-less, theme park security guard who’s repute amongst his peer is lower than fossilized dinosaur crap, but his attitude remains cheerful and positive.  The two characters complement each other with budding growth in their arcs of Dr. Walker not pushing people away like he did with ex-girlfriend Amber (Caitlin McHugh) and Denny, with every ounce of his hillbilly being, trying to a fault to make a friend.  There’s a slew of eccentric side characters but one not more as colorful as chicken farmer Henrietta McClusky.  Played by the early 70-year-old Sandy Martin, the “Scalpel” role debuting actress who had a profound supporting character career having had a role in “Napolean Dynamite” and “Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri” in recent years continues her dry humor, dark comedy run with the Henrietta role a crude, rude, and with ton of attitude poultry farmer with a no nonsense way about her and while Henrietta is a deeply sexual creature in her own right, the amorous tension lies in between Walker and Amber that have instantly become two magnets in rekindling their lost flame.  The ease of which the two characters are written to be instantly smitten is greatly construction to be an almost an unattainable relationship by introducing a child with no relationship to either one of them, a decade long gap without a ton of hurt feelings for the other’s sudden decision of career over love, and, the obvious, a large, man-eating, invisible predator repelling the two magnets apart.  Sprinkled with familiar faces, “The Invisible Raptor” rounds out with notable cult film actors, such as Richard Riehle (“Office Space,” “Hatchet”), Larry Hankin (“Armed and Dangerous,” “Home Alone”), and Sean Astin (“Encino Man,” “Lord of the Rings”) as well as a cameo appearance from Vanessa Chester who played Dr. Ian Malcolm’s daughter in “The Lost World” in another potshot at the “Jurassic Park” series.

Between the hilariously staged “Jurassic Park” callback moments and an unnerving number of gags around the butt region (raptor feces, fossilized raptor buttholes, butt jokes in general), “The Invisible Raptor” has a lot of humor that’s either smart or misses the mark, but not by much in the cogently confined venture packed full of heart, heroism, and havoc on a prehistoric, science-fiction level.  “The Invisible Raptor” may be a modern-day gory comedy-horror but that gory-horror element combined with a bit of underground covert weaponization of dinosaur has a real throwback sense to the early 90’s to early 2000’s dino-horror, such as the “Carnosaur” films, “Tammy and the T-Rex,” and, of course, “Jurassic Park.”  Dino-horror is a niche subgenre that’s rare explored unless it’s totally satirical (“The Velocipastor,” “The Jurassic Dead”) or rooted more in a lost world aspect, sporadically released throughout the decades with “Raptor Island” or the more perilous journey of “Land of the Lost,” original series and it’s more comedic feature remake.  Hermosa quickly moves out from the testing bunker lab that has been the Raptor’s home and where the scientist treat it like an adored, harmless child, a theme of attachment to harmful things we shouldn’t be attached to and gets right into the mayhem by letting it loose in only a way one could perceive a raptor would – in indiscriminating bloodshed.   Hermosa also doesn’t flinch with an invisible titular foe, one the actors have to mentally conjure up to play against in a combative or cat-and-mouse scene, with neatly composited special and visual effects of floating objects, quickly consumed severed heads, and silhouette work through blood spray, heat vision, and a shower curtain by the talented Steve Johnson (“Lord of Illusions,” “Species II”) and Dorian Cleavenger, both of who bring years of experience and both of whom have worked together for the effects of Robert Englund’s “Fear Clinic.” 

Audiences won’t see this one coming!  “The Invisible Raptor” debuts onto an AVC encoded, high-def 1080p, Blu-ray courtesy of Well Go USA Entertainment.  The single-layer BD initiates some cause for concern on the image presentation prior to viewing but the picture produced is solid and stable with no banding in the darker voids, especially in those areas since there is no Raptor to be seen mostly during the night exteriors, poorly lit underground laboratory, or in the lowly key-lit interiors, there’s more shaded and hallow space exposed in the 1.78:1 widescreen aspect ratio.  Textured details are generally adequate with a softer, smoother touch from capacity compression, coupled with a hazy warm yellow-green lighting scheme.  The more standard, non-stylistic shots have better definition to where the details on Dr. Walker’s paleontologist outfit stand out amongst the eye glazing brown-and-tan colors and in the gooey grooves of the Velociraptor fecal matter complete with yellow kernels of corn.  Visual effects are handled with not too revealed explicitly to limit noticeable computer imagery and keep all that is practical the focus.  Audio options come in two English formats – a DTS-HD 5.1 and Stereo 2.0.  The range on this mix is explosive as it is subtle right down the clicks and grunts of the assumed noises one would be led to believe a prehistorical, carnivorous raptor would make.  Dialogue renders clearly and definitively prominent amongst ensuring bedlam cacophony whenever there’s a dino-crises in a more than one people grouping; the audio compilation has been carefully layered to denote exactly what’s intended to be discerned at that moment. English and French subtitles are available. There are no encoded special features on fluid menu of this feature only release but there is a quick bonus scene at the end credits. The physical copy has only a little bit more in the way of extra content with a cardboard, tactile-titled O-slipcover sporting the current state of arranged character pyramid composite. The snap lock Blu-ray Amaray is standard with the same cover art and no tangible extras inside. Rated R for bloody violence and gore, crude sexual material, drug use, and brief graphic nudity, Well Go USA’s release is region A encoded for playback and has a runtime of nearly 2 hours at 114 minutes.

Last Rites: Though the raptor may be invisible, this release should be seen by all! “The Invisible Raptor” is a hilarious “Jurassic Park” parody with plenty of bite, plenty of fun, and plenty of non-visible computer-generated dinosaurs, especially for those who are feeling the dinosaur fatigue.

“Insivible Raptor” Tearing Onto Bluray! Buy it Here!

Poor Quality Dynamic Effects That Have a Horrendously EVIL Bite! “Bad CGI Gator” reviewed! (Full Moon Features / Blu-ray)

Posted by Steven Lewis on

“Bad CGI Gator” is an Amazon Choice item! Order it Here!

Six college students end the schoolyear with a long weekend at a lakeside cabin in rural Georgia.  Looking forward to the youthful debauchery of drinking themselves into a stupor and engaging in lots of sexual hanky-panky, they each throw their school issued laptops into an alligator’s lake habitat for an Instagram moment to go viral and also in a moment of jovial release to be finally done with school and kick off Summer.  When the small gator encounters the laptop’s electrical current, the gator grows into a monstrosity and has the unique ability to float through the air.  Now larger than man, the gator is ravenous for his next meal and the college students are an easy, convenient dish.  Trapped inside the cabin, brawn stupidity won’t save them against the mutated reptilian that circles outside, and they have to use every ounce of their brainpower to outsmart the insatiable beast. 

You’ve (probably) heard of “Bad CGI Sharks!”  Now, get ready to sink your horribly rendered jaws into “Bad CGI Gator,” the latest alligator creature feature comedy-horror from Charles Band’s camp of Full Moon Features.  Helmed by resident Full Moon filmmaker, “Deathbed” and “Dark Walker” director Danny Draven, the 2023 film removes practicality and plausibility for the sake of following in the wake of the badly rendered shark film from brothers Jason and Matthew Ellsworth.  “Bad CGI Gator” is also a family affair with Charles Band’s son, Zalman Band, in his first full-length feature writing credit that, like “Bad CGI Sharks, gives into itself and doesn’t take itself seriously with genre tropes, the gore and nudity one-two punch, and, of course, bad computer-generated imagery.  Shot in the location state of Georgia as well as in Charlie Band’s Full Moon estate in Cleveland Heights, Ohio, “Bad CGI Gator” is produced by the father-son duo of Charlie and Zalman with Nakai Nelson (“Evil Bong 420,” “Don’t Let Her In”) picking up the rest of the producing slack. 

If there was ever a time to root for a visually vexing constructed alligator and not the young people trying to save their lives from its floating ferocity, the time would be now.  The cast is compromised of the very worst caricatures of millennial youth with their “bros,” Instagram virality, and overall toxic behavior.  As a whole it’s all purposefully scripted to be painted like pure putrid of personas that sodomize the very essence of heroic protagonists.  Ben VanderMey (“Malicious”) and Cooper Drippe are impeccable at being gym bro chads, even VanderMey’s character is named Chad, and their on screen slay honeys, in Rebecca Stoughton and Sarah Buchanan, are social media influencing prejudgers with thigh-high skirts and low cut blouses.  The obnoxiously coarse foursome becomes grounded by contrasted counterparts in Sam and Hope, played by Michael Bonini (“#ChadGetstheAxe”) and Maddie Lane (“Monster Mash”), and this clues in audiences of the two more level-headed potential gator bait as the likely, predictable heroes who will either survive with their life or end up destroying the floating gator.  While the Chads and Paisleys are an exaggeration of arrogantly crass people, led with the worst of qualities for easy kill digestion, Sam and Hope are also to the extreme in a polar opposite manner.  Sam’s cautious philosophy makes him the butt of many jokes while the neutral Hope, a rival hottie shoulder-to-shoulder with the other ladies, can whip Chad into place with almost a stare being his stepsister.  The common dislike for tasteless jerks force Sam and Hope together with the gator being a keynote in closing the door on the once ajar flirtations.  Lee Feely rounds out the cast as a fisherman badmouthing the gator’s size, but the opening scene doesn’t do much for the rest of story nor does it come back to bite, literally, with the lack of Feely’s return in his short-lived moment. 

A title like “Bad CGI Gator” doesn’t come with any strings attached; there is no subtext, no character development, or convoluted storyline to really tickle and tease the brain in a sophistication of foreplay.  What you get are dumb, unlikeable characters for a deathroll of laughs and gnarly kills.  What you also get is a badly rendered giant floating alligator that on a one to ten on the badly rendered scale, this poor design is a four, resulting in a not too terribly layered and not the worst we’ve seen to date but obviously stands outs as a cut and pasted fake with animated movements.  Also entailed, in complete Full Moon fashion, is the alligator’s transmogrified size and supplied new abilities that allows it to chomp heads clean off, savagely gnaw on half-naked beauties, and swallow hole it’s biggest, most arrogant opponent.  What castrates the story is the limited locations with much of the cat and mouse play at the house and around the only vehicle for escape.  The adjacent lake is virtually untapped for watery carnage, an area of helplessness for prey, aka people, to float in suspension while something more dangerous lurks below the surface or meets them at eye level.  “Bad CGI Gator” is swampy camp at its best and, at the same time, at its worst but never pretends to be anything more.

Not only an ode to the monster movies of yore and a lampoon hit to the gross, schlocky creature features of more modern times, “Bad CGI Gator” emerges onto an AVC encoded, high-definition Blu-ray from Full Moon Features. The 1080p resolution on the single-layered BD25 of Full Moon’s feature number 395 has no digital discord regarding sharpness around the details. Gator POVs remark good pixel counts under and above water, delineating around the aquatic ecosystem including the plants and lake’s mucky floor. Night sequences bathed in a softer, illuminatingly spreading blue see equal amount of definition where the, what is considered to be, moon light hits and transition into the exterior cabin juxtapositions nicely with a warmer, shadowy outlined tone. The release’s audio mixes include a LPCM 5.1 surround sound and a LPCM Stereo 2.0. Early on, dialogue has a conical sound with reverberations that seemingly bounce back almost immediately. Though not totally free of audio fallibility, the dialogue does come across prominent and clean of distortion. Conical echoing dissipates later in the runtime and is replaced with the impenetrable sounds of a growling gator and its stomping around the cabin property that doesn’t seem to occupy the same space, much like the gator, ridiculing this particular creature feature sub-subgenre even more. English subtitles are optionally available. Special features include an audio commentary from director Danny Draven and screenwriter Zalman Band, a Screams from the Basement Podcast interview with the director, A second director interview on the Dead Talk Live Podcast, an isolated Jojo Draven musical score that sounds just as carnivalesque, humorous horror blend as Richard Band would compose, a blooper reel, a cast table read at the Full Moon mansion in Ohio, and the original trailer. The standard Blu-ray comes a fairly telling illustration of a savage-looking gator mouth agape just below a bitten-ripped Spring Break banner. There are no insert or other tangible bonus content alongside a humorously standing upright gator, slight smirking with the catalogue film number. “Bad CGI Gator” Blu-ray comes region free, has a runtime just under an hour at 58 minutes, and is not rated.

Last Rites: Full Moon’s satirical take on lousy alligator anarchy is spot on and though the cast of characters deserve every rendered tooth ripped into their flesh, the glossy gator pales in comparison to practical effects of its predecessors, and the story stinks as much as gator bait, “Bad CGI Gator” doesn’t false advertise this uncanny predator’s X-factors and that’s brownie points in my book.

“Bad CGI Gator” is an Amazon Choice item! Order it Here!

The Mayflower Brought the Thanks of EVIL Long Ago! “The Last Thanksgiving” reviewed! (Scream Team Releasing / Blu-ray)

Posted by Steven Lewis on

Gobble Up and Chow Down on “The Last Thanksgiving” on Blu-ray!

Lisa-Marie Taft is known for being uncompromisingly difficult to be around with her snarky comments and negative attitude.  She’s especially coarse when she has to spend her Thanksgiving holiday working tables at the restaurant, one of the only places open on Thanksgiving.  Stuck with the equally as enthusiastic coworkers, Lisa-Marie can’t go home and snog with her boyfriend when one lonely customer decides to show up right before they were given the blessing to leave.  The situation at the restaurant goes from irritable to fatal when a family of cannibals with ancestry Pilgrim ties raids the open business to keep with their yearly tradition of cooking a thankful feast out of “thankless” people.  For 400 years, the tradition has been upheld and sought through, but they’ve never went up against anyone like Lisa-Marie Taft before. 

Are we ready for some Thanksgiving leftovers yet?  The time to give thanks to all our family and friends holiday has come and gone and many fans have exhausted through the extremely short list of Thanksgiving themed horror films, such as “Thankskilling,” “Thankskilling 3” and “Blood Rage” to be the most likely few viewed this past holiday week.  Well, have you ever heard of 2020’s “The Last Thanksgiving” from writer-director Erick Lorinc?  If you haven’t, then put back on your watching stretchy pants to gobble up another feast of cranberries and carnage as this slasher is from a group of University of Miami grads shooting on the streets and in the rural fall foliage of Chattanooga, Tennessee and in the Derry’s Family Restaurant in Hollywood, Florida with some of the shots being done over the actual Thanksgiving break for, you know, immersive authentic fall and giving thanks atmospheric quality.  “The Last Thanksgiving” is a Peak Jerry Production and is the first full-length feature film from Lorinc and produced by Annissa Omran with Sydney Gold serve as associate producer.

In the role of the snooty, snarky Lisa-Marie is fellow University of Miami grad Samantha Ferrand who plays the not-so-nice version of Halloween’s Laurie Strode with a complete disdain for her responsibly burdening parents and, well, basically any form of adult authority.  Even Lisa-Marie’s softy boss receives talkback and huff and puffs from what Lorinc pens as a self-centered brat.  As Lisa-Marie goes to war against the world, including her gothic waitress counterpart Trudie (Gabriela Spampinato) in a witty top dog positioning back-and-forth at times, she’s goes up against the Brimstone family who have a long-standing cannibalistic Thanksgiving tradition of following their Pilgrim relative’s footsteps, Abigail Brimstone (played dually by Alex Love and Gosta Utarefson).  The Brimstone family tradition has been enacted for over 400 years by each generation and this generation is no different with the commune living of two sisters and two brothers, who also may or may not be sleeping with other.  Yikes! Matthew McClure and Tristan Petashnick become the masterminding main face of the Brimstone clan as brother and sister, Kurt and Cordelia, while Laura Finley and Michael Vitovich come top up as the grunt work muscle as Maggie and as the Leatherface-esque Trip, a tall, quiet, and mask-wearing brother that takes a note from classic slasher icons with walking chase downs and brutal kills. Together, the Brimstone family is not terribly cliche at all and are backed by strong, singular performances that stand out like rightful, lip-smacking wolves against the restaurant sheep trying to survive the holiday on the backs of each other. These particular group of individuals are the perfect side dishes to the smorgasbord of sanguinary grub with a Backstage audition casting of Robert Richards Jr., Brandon Holzer, Madelin Marchant, Tametria Harris, Bobby Eddy, Nicholas Punales, Francisco D Gonzalez, and scream queen icon, Linnea Quigley (“Night of the Demons”) as the one, lonely restaurant patron in the wrong place, at the wrong time.

We’ve established that performances are strong, but what about the story?  Does it salivate interest and keep your attention from start to finish?  Is enough Thanksgiving incorporated material live up to the niche theme?  Certainly campy with dark, puritanical humor that stresses the importance giving thanks and being with family and friends on the holiday, “The Last Thanksgiving” unquestionably  expresses itself as a film that fits inside the theme’s parameters while also not taking itself too seriously, which has been routinely par for the course for these types of Turkey Day films.  Lorinc’s story concept stretches the gamut by briefly sending audiences back in time to when Pilgrims had the first Thanksgiving with the local Native American.  With the quasi-flash back story depicting Abigail Brimstone, who was in need of more food for the first feast because the Native Americans would be joining them at the table, chopping and mincing the postmortem remains of a handful of Native Americans to robust her menu, the Brimstone family quickly becomes understood after the first two acts of just chalking them up to your everyday cannibal, but the Lorinc takes the simple and satisfactory explanation, one that’s easily understandable and works as a cause, to a complicated and incongruous supernatural area with a 400-year old Abigail Brimstone still very much alive, and still looking good after four centuries, to procreate with one of each year’s male victims to keep the family craving and carving that human flesh turkey.   Cleaved in half heads, a jawless leftover, and a basement full of acidic gravy should be gobbled up in this traditional holiday horror film, “The Last Thanksgiving!”

Scream Team Releasing releases “The Last Thanksgiving” on a AVC encoded Blu-ray home video with a 1.77:1 aspect ratio and presented 1080p high definition. For a fall holiday feature, we’re treated to some fall coloring of brown and red of the Chattanooga wooded areas and the detailing in the textures of sweaters, scarfs, and pilgrim hats to bring out the right festive feelings of a fall, but the image grading reins backs a tad that doesn’t showcase the true beauty of fading foliage. For an indie crew working with university equipment, contrast levels appear balanced to enrich the shadows where needed and lit-up appropriate locations helps delineate scenes of trepidation clearly. There were no evident issues with compression on the 50GB Blu-ray pressing. The English language 5.1 surround stereo mix is the sole mix on the release and this is the part of the A/V package where “The Last Thanksgiving” can’t stuff it all into that the big bird cavity. Dialogue is clear but is more pallid to the ears and when decibels reach a certain height, the audio output starts to break down slightly to a crackle. Optional English subtitles are available. Bonus features include an audio commentary, The Long Pilgrimage an in-depth making of featurette with the University of Miami grad cast and crew, “Thanksgiving” 1978 short film which has scenes spliced into the feature film, gag reel, Talking Turkey: Late Night Discussion, auditions, photo gallery, teaser, and official trailer. The blue snapper case has shoddy front cover art that doesn’t provide the best first impression, but the backside has more retro appeal and the cover art is reversible with still image on the inside with the film’s splayed on top. The Scream Teaming Releasing Blu-ray comes region free, unrated, and has a runtime of 70 minutes. “The Last Thanksgiving” is a great addition to the boutique Thanksgiving horror movie table that will certainly be a yearly staple in every family fright night viewing tradition.

Gobble Up and Chow Down on “The Last Thanksgiving” on Blu-ray!