EVIL Will Run You Over and Scrape You Off the Road Just to Kill You Again! “A Very Flattened Christmas” reviewed! (SRS Cinema / Blu-ray)

Merry Christmas, You Filthy Reindeers! “A Very Flattened Christmas” Blu-ray on Amazon.com!

A roadkill collection company mourns the sudden death of one of their former employees who was murdered in a seemingly drug deal gone bad. Max, also a former roadkill company employee, returns to town to pay his respects to his close friend and colleague but the funeral is everything but cordial and of decorum when Rick, another former roadkill company employee turned famous yet narcissistic filmmaker on the verge of releasing another installment of his popular Dick Puncher series, makes trouble not only at J’s funeral but also at the company’s Christmas party. Max’s friend, conspiracy theorist Dan, becomes lead suspect in J’s death, and detectives Bradley and Francine search for clues and interview those involved with the deceased. Soon, they and all other employees become intwined in all the roadkill company drama for all the wrong reasons when a killer dressed in a menacing reindeer outfit has set out to slay all employees, past and present, this Christmas.

Based on the Shane Wallace created six-episode comedy web series “Flattened,” premised with precursory characters Max, Dan, and J involved in roadkill company hijinks and drugs, Wallace’s feature length, Christmas holiday-themed, and company slasher film serves as a direct follow up to the web series filmed in and near Wichita, Kansas and released between 2016 and 2017. Titled “A Very Flattened Christmas,” the 2024 story continues the trio’s story, picking up years later after all the interned employees have moved on with their lives from scooping up animal carcasses from off the local highways and backroads and started different career pathways, such as becoming a highly famed filmmaker, and but their newfangled lives become jeopardize by an evil reindeer taking them out one-by-one. Different Day Pictures returns to produce the venture backed by crowdfunding through GoFundMe with film’s star Key Tawn Toothman serving as producer.

The returning web series cast carry little over from the series into the feature film other than selective series moments displayed in a snow globe during the credits, which doesn’t explain much if, like in myself, you’ve never seen, or even heard of, the web series, and the multiple mentioned fact that characters once worked at the roadkill company.  That’s about as much backstory you’ll get to catch up into a whole new venture for Max and gang that are no longer in the dirty business of carcass removal but are in the business of being preyed upon by a reindeer masked killer, a complete 180 degree turn of events from the comedic web series.  This particular Christmasy, slasher sequel follows Max (Key Tawn Toothman) having returned to town to attend his friend J’s (Naythan Smith) funeral.  Max’s grounded for social facets with level-headed awareness and a good sense of judgement making him well liked amongst current employees of the company but that also makes him an easy target for former employees turned narcissist filmmaker Rick (Jesse Bailey) and conspiracy theorist Dan (Trevor Vincent Farney) who clings on him with his paranoia drivel.  Between the two, Rick receives substantial backstory material with news story and commercial hype for his upcoming Dick Puncher film but receive little context to Dan’s rants and ravings that are more like an annoying friend’s unconscious conversational narcissism.  Max is balanced out by allies within the company like receptionist Jerry-Ann (Beckie Jenek) and mobile carcass scraper Lorribell (Paul Makar), both of him have to work on Christmas, begrudgingly, but all are fair game for Red Eyes (Lucas Farney) with a mangy Reindeer mask in a mall Santa suit killing off Max’s friends and enemies alike and while Max and his love interest Maddie (Kaemie McCanless) along with detectives Bradley (Mark D. Anderson) and Francine (Shanna Berry) work to uncover the truth, led on red herring, and fight for their own survival, the body count continues to collect those staple to the “Flattened” series, turning every character fair game to be trampled by the Reindeer masked killer.  Mark Mannette, John Doornbos, Noah Farney, Blaine Frazier, Nora Graham, and Dean Kavivya costar.

The Christmas season may be over and Santa has packed it in for another 364 days, but no Christmas horror movie, especially released during the season, should be left unturned over and “A Very Flattened Christmas” receives a platform as we continue to celebrate the 12-days of Christmas with a series-based slasher that concludes the “Flattened” troupe’s run by killing off its beloved characters.  “A Very Flattened Christmas” continues the campiness with a dry humor, dark comedy affair that plays like a family get together that has gone down the drain with rekindled friends and enemies swirled into a nutmeg batter of one maniacally, reindeer-and-Santa Claus-garbed killer’s cake mix.  The feature tiptoes ever so gradually away from the roadkill company despite keeping the series’ Flattened in the title as the chaos spills out into other portions of town without the whiff of decaying animal corpses; instead, the corpses of Max’s acquaintances are the ones who are being flattened, literally.  The masked killer has strong threat appeal and wields an array of offings in favor of the story as Wallace uses death gags and some practical effects to shoulder the horror weight but there’s also a fair amount of visual blood spurt’s that speak to its budget limitations and crowdfunded castrations.  The killer twist is palpable enough though leans into overt tells some but the one thing this themed slasher really needed, as much as it also needed more series context in the jump from a television show to a feature film, is to up the Christmas tinsel with seasonal carnage to turn the merriness on its head by decapitating it.

Keep the holiday spirit going with “A Very Flattened Christmas” on an SRS Cinema Blu-ray. The AVC encoded, 1080p resolution, 25 gigabyte BD-R offers a solid image quality under the technical low bar circumstances. Details are sharply outlined, distinct, and without fuzzy aliasing, splotchy spots, or other associated compression issues. There’s some banding along the darker shades but nothing too big to gripe about. The details are hit or miss depending on the scene difficulty and substandard lighting but the achievement of corporal tactiles on an SRS Cinema Blu-ray is a little triumph for the release and that is what is accomplished here. The full-blown animation portion is top-notch work for something of a skit gag that lands with confidence. The English language LPCM 2.0 has little authority behind it’s acoustical dynamics and projecting strength, but the dialogue is overall clear and present, ample and adequate by all means of the sound design without underscoring the horrific highlights of a holiday horror film, such as the hits and action of the evil reindeer’s sojourn slaughter through the Max’s rolodex of friends. Daron Kelp and Dave Baker’s eclectic soundtrack of rattling synth keyboard and haunting sustained chords peppered with full length vocal tracks. There are no subtitles available. Special features include a director and producer commentary track parallel to the feature, an alternate scene, deleted scenes, the film’s trailer, an animated trailer, “Flattened” series pilot episode, and other SRS Cinema trailers. The Amaray Blu-ray is about as physically scanty as they come with only an illustrated cover art of the Santa-cladded reindeer (looks like a rat to me) overtop and about to take hold a snowy covered town in its bloodied shovel grasp. SRS Cinema has always been able to produce neat art for their releases to bedazzle slightly the rudimentary in-hand. The not rated release has a runtime of 92 minutes and is region free unlocked.

Last Rites: Santa has packed it in for the year but in horror, Christmas can come at any time of year. “A Very Flattened Christmas” is a welcomed addition to the holiday clash subgenre with a formidable villain, decent kill decimating, and great soundtrack but be forewarned of its spotty at best storyline, some bad CGI bloodletting, and humorlessly dry jokes.

Merry Christmas, You Filthy Reindeers! “A Very Flattened Christmas” Blu-ray on Amazon.com!

EVIL’s Casting Couch Could Be the Last Audition! “Young Blondes, Stalked and Murdered!” reviewed! (Anchor Bay / Blu-ray)

Not Red Heads, Not Brunettes, Blondes! “Young Blondes, Stalked and Murdered!” on Blu-ray!

Stacy and Josie are two aspiring young actresses living in Los Angeles.  Both women are blonde and both ambitious to make it big in acting while being friends vying for the same work in the difficult industry that involves casting couches and who-knowing-who to get even just a foot into the door.  As Stacey’s journey to fulfil her acting career stumbles role-after-role, especially after a unique pre-casting session with a film director named Sasha, she finds that Josie receives role interest from the same director.  The pressure gets under Stacey’s skin to where nightmares evoke jealousy and a thin layer of fear, raised by the widespread terror of blonde women, also aspiring actresses, being discovered horrible murdered by a killer who records every kill.  Stacy pushes forward but her friendship with Josey wanes with her casting success and the news of more blonde actresses found gruesomely murdered unlock her nightmares to their full potential. 

“Young Blondes, Stalked and Murdered” catches the eye with a lustrous, vice-drenched title, but the narrative layout is anything but candidly conventional.  The film can be described as a reverse slasher that keeps the serial killer of young, blonde actresses in the peripherals integrated ever so delicately inside a character study of the principal lead, in this case with Stacey, a Minnesotan with stars in her eyes.  Those stars eventually lose their sheen, but the desire doesn’t dull amongst a deficiently of roles for an overabundance of the same type of actress going for them.  For writer-director, “Young Blondes, Stalked and Murdered” is Nick Funess’s first feature-length production based loosely on the trials and tribulations of young women cat scratching their way into the business with a hairline hook of a maniac with a murdered type.  Silence Films serves as the production company with Corentin Leroux and Matt Morello co-executive producing alongside Funess for the L.A. shot film.

Inhabiting as the primary character learning the curve of your desired trade is Samantha Carroll in her second full-length feature role but first at the helm as the star.  However, as Stacy, Carroll plays a character who doesn’t feel like her longed dream of being a star.  Instead, Stacy plays by the rules as if there’s a guide or a playbook to becoming a successful on-screen thespian.  Carroll’s range of emotions can peak from mile excitement to absolutely feeling crushed by the weight of failure.  Disdain and jealousy also rear their ugly heads in between inside a structure that isn’t exclusive in following Stacy as Josie runs a parallel course with less touch-upons in the grind that is to follow one’s dreams.  Elle Chapman’s more dolled up for the role by accentuating her natural beautiful for perkier and more cosmetically inclined haughtiness to contrast her conceit against Stacy’s honest efforts.  Though Funess essentially wraps the story around two actresses, the extent of supporting actors is limited to the exact same number with Gemma Remington as another blonde, actress acquittance and/or rival to Stacy and Zachary Grant as a casting filmmaking who has unspoken quirks about his character Sascha that are told through his rather distinct distilled friendliness and the way Funess and Corentin Leroux frame him by cropping out portions of his body by the frame itself or by objects, as if hiding bits and pieces of his truth in obscurity.  Both Remington and Grant’s scenes are brief and spliced in to add to the stress of an actress’s day-in-a-life, to terraform the the gossipy, cutthroat world, and, in earnest, to be more a grounding third-dimensional force that doesn’t allow Josey to be the only other character for Stacy to bounce off of, yet the characters do add impact with the peripheral killer with Remington’s gruesome news update of another blonde-headed body found as well as hinting at the killer’s possible modus operandi of how he selects, hunts, and dispatches his victims and Grant going further with that idea with a seemingly irrelevant and odd casting couch method depicted with Stacey on screen and with Josey off-screen told anecdotally through her perception, and from both experiences may leave breadcrumb clues toward a suspect without ever divulging concrete evidence toward an unnamed and masked killer rarity making an appearance in the film.

Like most moviegoers might experience, my eyes bored with interest into the unique title.  So much so, my mind started an imagination factory of possibilities there could be inside the encoded disc.  A true-blue slasher initially became settled on with a conventional killer stalking, hunting, and the eventual demise of the titular, ill-fated blondes and while that sort of terminus concept is hackneyed beyond repair, excitement still bubbles to the surface because the method itself sells from it’s tried and true history with genre fans and general audiences alike.  “Young Blondes, Stalked and Murdered” is not that kind of film.  You can label it a deconstructive or backwards slasher, but the subgenre thriller has deeper drama roots in the grounded character conflict garden, blossoming more toward a psychological thriller with a rear mirror, background view of a niche specific serial killer.  Funess’s film is akin to some apocalyptic thrillers of an impending, world-ending devastator on the horizon that you know is coming but it’s the interpersonal dynamics, or maybe even political and authoritarian moments, leading up to that catastrophe that are the heart-and-soul of the story.  Funess’s film is very much a slice of life rather than a slice of flesh with an eye for framed shot, the draw of contention through personal hindrance and envy, the melting mindset stemmed by failure, and it’s an overall celebration of performance by the cast in a story with minimal violence because the violence itself is at the very back of the mind, forgotten almost as these young blonde women continue to strive for just an ounce of limelight no matter the cost that stares directly at their faces. 

Anchor Bay continues to release rebellious films on their revamped label with “Young Blondes, Stalked and Murdered” now available on Blu-ray.  Stored on a single-layered BD25, the AVC encoded high-definition film, 1080p resolution, is presented in widescreen 1.78:1 aspect ratio.  Image wise, the picture captures natural appearances with a soft grading that lightly brightens the image.  There is some excellent use of blacks that are solid and deep with crush but works to the advantage of the scene to create a void tension of what’s inside’s it’s inkiness.  Skin textures are fair with some smoothing over of texture, but the tones appear organic and consistent throughout; the same can be said about fabric and surface textures in a range of settings and outfits that add unconscious concentrated coatings to the mise-en-scene.  The English 5.1 DTS-HD MA audio is overkill for a dialogue and score-driven soundtrack narrative but does provide clean conversation with plenty of clarity and no interference.  The back and side channels are less utilized with most of the action held within camera lens view, reducing any kind of non-diegetic milieu activity to the flutter of soft intrusions.  Sergei Kofman’s delicate perceptible score hangs in the rafters for the most part but does come down form time-to-time when needed to either build tension and show discourse in Stacey’s life/wellbeing as she struggles to get ahead with acting gigs. The special features include a scene-by-scene breakdown audio commentary from writer-director Nick Funess and executive producer-cinematographer Coretin Leroux. Anchor Bay’s Blu-ray is encased in a standard Blu-ray Amaray with a white, yellow, and poker hot red artwork of a splattered star with Stacey’s face inside staring back out at you. A leafy insert depicts the same primary artwork plus additional, similar artwork. Clocking in just above an hour at 65 minutes, “Young Blondes, Stalked and Murdered” has region free playback and is unrated.

Last Rites: “Young Blondes, Stalked and Murdered” is a hard sell as a backwards slasher but the unsettling disseminating of ruthless Hollywood is a methodology projecting hopelessness, defeating, and hostility, metaphorically represented by a killer on the hunt for blonde actresses and could pop into frame at any moment.

Not Red Heads, Not Brunettes, Blondes! “Young Blondes, Stalked and Murdered!” on Blu-ray!

Welcome Proclaimed EVIL Into Your Home! “Video Psycho” reviewed! (SRS Cinema / Blu-ray)

“Video Psycho” on Blu-ray and DVD home video!

On his way back home, Jason picks up a Ryan, a hitchhiker looking for a new start in town, goaled to achieve three things:  a place to call his own, to obtain a job that pays minimum wage, and to find a girlfriend.  Empathetic to Ryan’s new beginnings having gone through himself, Jason invites the hopeful drifter to stay at his shared home with girlfriend Julie and little sister Kylie.  One night drinking between Jason and Ryan, Ryan confesses to killing a man and even delivers video proof with his own recorded snuff film the act.  Disregarding the video and Ryan’s confession immediately as a joke, Jason lets the man stay until another snuff video involving someone Jason knows puts Ryan in the driver’s seat that could set up Jason as the suspect.  Weeks go by and Ryan basically has the run of the house with Kylie and Julie being fed up with his intrusion and Jason’s illogical reasoning for continuing to let him stay.  With Kylie in his romantic sight, Ryan is on his path to achieve his goals. 

A SOV-horror that proves you should never pickup strange hitchhikers and also proves that there are really unsuspecting, trusting, and overall dumb people out there willing to open up themselves, their home, and their family members to complete strangers, even after adamantly admitting to their heinous crimes.  That’s the essential takeaway for Del Kary’s directed, shot-on-video thriller “Video Psycho,” co-written by Kary and Pete Jacelone, a long independent horror producer and writer who began his writing career on the 1997 film and went on to write an abundant of horror you’ve likely never heard of, such as the “Psycho Sisters” series, “The Killer Clown Meets the Candy Man,” and the eyebrow raising “Duck!  The Carbine High Massacre.”  Kary’s career is not as lustrously tarnished with two films in the late 90s, including this one and “Snuff Perversions:  Bizarre Cases of Death,” and not another until last year’s “Cheater, Cheater,” a slasher based off the childish rhyme cheater, cheater pumpkin eater.  Kary solely produces the PsYChO Films production, shot in Yakima, Washington. 

“Video Psycho” embodies that home movie aesthetic that was shot with poor equipment but amongst good friends, and probably a few beers too.  The cast is compromised a bunch of one-and-done actors with Kary’s film being their only credit as the story follows more from the perspective of serial killer Ryan, played by James Paulson.  With a soul patch, poofy dark features, and thick eyebrows that slant down in a malevolence manner, Paulson contains that judgy general appearance of a psychopath and distills apathetic patterns that are nonchalant and blunt.  While Paulson thrives as killer, Jason is the daftest, most gullible person to ever live in the cinematic universe.  Now, I’m not saying actor Adam Kraatz is the blame, performance has nothing to do with the way the character is written by Kary and Jacelone and that’s their own doing, but Jason’s inactivity to do anything or warn anyone is more frightening than the antagonist.  Girlfriend Julie (DeAnna Harrison) and baby sister Kylie (Jennifer Jordan) also can’t understand the man of the house’s submissiveness to a complete stranger who has this power over him.  When they both begin to question his authority and rational when weeks past and this random guy from off the road is still hanging around, Jason reverse psychologizes the two people closest to him which makes us wonder who the real villain is in the story.  The only other characters with substance are Kylie’s boyfriend Rick (Jared Treser), who has little impact being a buffer between sociopath Ryan and his tender beloved Kylie, and video store manager Steve (Art Molina), who does a better buffering job deflecting Ryan’s unwanted and stalkerish advances until Ryan has his way with him.  Outside the principal lot, the rest of the cast fills in with Ryan’s videoed victims, most come in a single montage of analog recorded murder, with Jason Alvord, Chris Valencia, Shannon Dimickl Brandy Jordan, Jack Meikle, Heidi Munson, and Charles Summons.

Lo-fi and dry, “Video Psycho” presents an invariability that ultimately kills any intrigue, tension, and fear.  With the cast being what it is, an adequate of inexperience, the narrative needed a lift to cannon itself beyond the routine of motiveless stranglers who kills for the love of killing.  Kary and Jacelone’s attempted twist for high impact is Ryan showcasing his snuff body of work to newfound friend and host Jason and for Jason to think nothing of it and let the maniac stay with him and his closest loved ones.  At this point, audiences will slap their foreheads so hard aspirin couldn’t handle the amount of pain to follow and attention to the rest of the story will begin to wane as disbelief ad improbability start to set in like a bad side effect of an illicit drug that clearly has said side effects.  Acts two and three barely blip on the developmental and dynamic activity meter between the characters conversations of the Ryan confoundment.  Essentially, they all talk about the inaction of others and give the benefit of doubt rather than taking action themselves to alleviate Ryan’s squatting.  Ryan’s the other character enacting real change during his weeks’ stay by videotaping every count like it’s his last and insidiously inflicting himself creepily toward Kylie.  Kary does output a few notable scenes of unsettlingly imagery, such as Kylie’s haunting dream of Ryan calling her name and getting closer to her bed as she sleeps while in strobe light and with the lo-fi videotape quality, the effect is definitely dream surreal, at least that is what “Video Psycho” has going for it.

SRS Cinema’s newly restored and re-mastered Blu-ray edition is on AVC encoded onto a 25GB BD-R with 1080p high-definition resolution.  Not that the pixel count really matters with “Video Psycho” and it’s lo-fi videotape that’s neutralizes textures and color and comes with its share of interlacing and tracking issues.  To worry about compression problems, to which there is none within the uncomplex file and its size used for the codec, would be a waste of mental and visual space with an image that does delineate objects to differentiate, implies true hue, and does the job of lower grade, SOV-horror with authentic commercial SOV-qualities of home S-VHS camcorders.  SRS Cinema never really cared about being the picture of health when it comes to quality, so this isn’t off brand for their content and schtick but does heavily play more into the little-known obscurity of home-grown thrillers within its full frame 1.33:1 aspect ratio.  The English mono track offers parallel quality to the video with a static and lo-fi quality that won’t have the pithy impact of a robust and all-inclusive surround sound or even stereo.  Kary’s produced in minor key minimalism and dread score is one of the element’s that be elevated. Dialogue’s hit-or-miss with clarity that’s often impeded by the said interference and poor mic placement, or just the intrinsic issues of an on-board mic.  There are no subtitles available.  With poor A/V quality, why release this film on Blu-ray?  The answer is simply because of the wide-ranging special features that include interviews with the actors who play Ryan’s on-screen and video victims, such as Art Molina, Jennifer Jordan, and Adam Kraatz.  There’s also a feature paralleling commentary track, behind-the-scenes rehearsal footage, deleted scenes, alternate takes, and outtakes.  Plus, the official and teaser trailer along with additional SRS Cinema previews.  The company continues to commission some pretty rad artwork and that is also true here with Belgium graphic artist STEMO who electric saturations of purple, red, pink and blue make for a eye-catching and intriguing roadside killer artwork, even if a bit literal with a thumb up hitchhiker holding a video camera on the side of a blood soaked road in the foreground.  The artwork fits snuggly in between the film layer of a standard Blu-ray Amaray and the disc is pressed with the same front cover image.  The 75-minute feature comes not rated and the Blu-ray is available region free.

Last Rites: An unremarkable, home brewed, strangler picture with little to say, “Video Psycho” has unimaginative idiocy with characters and a narrative conclusion that can be seen a mile away, leaving the SRS Cinema’s title worth only to watch because of its catfishing artwork.

“Video Psycho” on Blu-ray and DVD home video!

To Be EVIL, It Takes a Little Backbone. “The Fifth Thoracic Vertebra” reviewed! (IndiePix Unlimited / DVD)

Own “The Fifth Thoracic Vertebra” on DVD. Purchase Here!

In the Gyeongbuk region of South Korea, a brand-new mattress is being delivered to a young couple’s new apartment but upon arrival, the fed-up delivery men take off when no one answers the door and leave it for the job endeavoring girlfriend who must lug up the mattress herself as she finds her boyfriend asleep on the floor. After more than year together, the threadbare relationship inevitably ends and the girlfriend vacates the apartment, but during all that time together, a mysterious mold formulates from within the mattress and surfaces on the pillow top. The mold turns sentient and uses an outgrowth protuberance to latch onto and extract the boyfriend’s vertebra for nourishment. From then on, the mattress is discarded into the world, being picked up and used by unsuspecting nourishments for the interior mold. Travelling across Korea land to difference providences, feasting on the vertebrae that becomes the building blocks of a new being, the growing mold digests to integrate itself into a human world. Absorbing the miscellanea range of emotions from its victims, what was once small fry fungi has become self-aware, compassionate, and even more hungry to live.

How do you write-up the depth of a film that’s undeniably indescribable? Syeyoung Park’s “The Fifth Thoracic Vertebra” trembles on the edge of being the epitome of that very sentiment with an abstract creature feature concept bred out of people’s raw emotions. The 2022 South Korean phantasmagoric horror, fattening itself off the dysphoric and euphoric morsels, is written-and-directed by Park as the filmmaker’s debut feature film credit that tackles life birthed out of death, such as the symbolic end of relationships and literal death, and becomes a metaphor stemmed by the natural growth phenomena of fungi, a new lifeform that grows out of rot. The Moonstone Productions indie picture is a festival favorite amongst the Fantasia Film Festival and others and is distributed onto physical media by the s streaming platform IndiePix Unlimited.

“The Fifth Thoracic Vertebra” doesn’t hone into and latch onto one core group of principals characters; instead, the travelling, moldy mattress has episodic events with interactions to various emotionally-turbulent or charged people that the being inside the dingy mattress not only cuts out and extracts a physical piece of who these characters are but also absorbs their emotional weight, in what could be considered as an incident in molding the mold into what it itself can come to be.  One-sided care and love, a tempestuous connection, contempt, amorous spontaneity, loneliness, and death feed the fungus and shape its mildewy putrescence on the mattress like the coating of an incubation chamber to ensure growth, maturity, and nutrition.  The episodic events hit and miss the gravitational pull needed land firmly on what’s being conveyed.  The woman on death’s bed was perhaps the most impactful written with regret left unsaid, unaccounted for, and is shouldered by the thing in the mattress to fulfill with a letter to the woman’s daughter to let her know about the mother’s definitive adoration.  Other instances are fleeting, perhaps lost in translation, of the evocative impression intended as the mattresses does a reach around for a clean vertebrae excision.  In either case, the now-vertebrae-less don’t even notice when a large part of their backbone is literally ripped from them in the moment; only in post-snatch do they double over in pain and unable to stand and straighten from their crippling past.  The film’s cast includes Mun Hye-in, Ham Sukyoung, On Jeong Yeon, Jung Soo-min, Kim Ye-na, and Park Jihyeon as the humanoid creature.

The fifth thoracic vertebrae, the T-5 spine part and not the film’s title, is located near the top-center of the spine in the thoracic grouping and it supports the abdominal muscles and feeds into the chest wall coinciding with the muscles around the rib cage, lungs, and diaphragm, to assist with breathing.  In Sye-young’s abstract, “The Fifth Thoracic Vertebra” does not brace audiences for metaphorical monsters surrounded by dreamlike imagery and esoteric purposes.  With no explanation, visual or verbally articulated, piecing together the strange circumstances is heavily relied upon our own personal experiences in life, our past mistakes, our relationship fails, our giddy fondness, and so forth to interpret Sye-young’s theoretical philosophy on the unfinished leftovers of a kaput relationship.  I believe Sye-young also felt the need to explain his film in a director’s statement on the back of a DVD that questions the whereabout “bits and scraps” of a failed relationship by anthropomorphism means and relating it all to the cycle of fungus.  While a difficult conceptual pill to swallow, “the Fifth Thoracic Vertebrae” can display beauty and disgust in a composite of odd juxtaposition in a peculiar world where a dirty, moldy mattress is an acceptable roadside pickup and debilitating excised bones of the body go without being questioned.   There’s an aloof presence that speaks symbolic volumes to the relationships depicted and with an open mind and broad, thoughtful strokes, one may see through the director’s expressionism.

Indiepix Unlimited, an online streaming service dedicated to independent films, also caters to the physical media market with a DVD release of “The Fifth Thoracic Vertebra.”  Encoded onto a single layered 5GB DVD-R, it’s been a while since I’ve seen an official release on the recordable DVD format and for the visual picture quality that’s already on a standard definition 720p resolution, we receive a middle-of-the-road 1.78:1 widescreen aspect ratio presentation. Posterization, in voids and on the skin, is the main artefact culprit in a stylish context of warm gel yellows and greens and the seldomly naturally lit hues which are not as richly saturated but can hold its own for a DVD-R.  There’s not a ton of detail in the mattress mold and any clear view frames are obscured by distance, the cover of darkness, and the cover of blankets as, much like all else, the contours are nicely delineated but the overall color scheme of the film blend together. The South Korean uncompressed LPC 2.0 mix has a pleasing enough unassuming range and depth field that hits all the notes and presents ambience with basically what is needed to envelope the immediate surroundings around the principal objects, all balanced through the dual channels.  The burned in English subtitles are not flawless but are synched well and seemingly translated okay.  The release comes feature only and the standard DVD Amary casing comes with an eye-catching, or rather eye-starring, front cover with no outer coverings or inserts.  The disc art deliberately yells DVD-R with a plain white, barely unique logoed, ring splay.   The release comes not rated with a runtime of 65 minutes and is confirmed to play on region 1 playback.  Untested for other regions. 

Last Rites: “The Fifth Thoracic Vertebra” impresses with forlorn residue in what is an offbeat creature feature where the creature is inside the mattress rather than under it.  Yet, the story stretches the imagination too far and near a snapping point that allows for no breathing room in what is a tale of lamentable remnants that creepingly germinates spores into a melancholic mycelium overtime. 

Own “The Fifth Thoracic Vertebra” on DVD. Purchase Here!

Be Careful Of Your Friends. They May Be EVIL! “Stabbed in the Face” reviewed! (Wild Eye Releasing / DVD)

“Stabbed in the Face” is now on DVD!

A high school Halloween party becomes the catalytic event for a motley of friends that plan a party in a remote haunted house where the urban legend of the three legged lady had brutally slain her husband and his mistress before her own insanity was gunned down by local authorities.  Simultaneously, a prison escaped murderer roams free around the same area, living a few friends on edge but reassured by the others that nothing will happen.  As the party begins, sex, drugs, and alcohol fuel the night away until one of the girls winds up missing and all that is left is a blood-stained bathroom where she was last seen heading.  Fingers begin pointing at each other as panic and anxiety sets in but as the thought of a deranged escape convict overtakes as best suspect, the others quickly split up to find more of their roll-in-the-hay and pothead friends only to discover the hard way that splitting up is a bad idea when hidden agendas come to light.

A character trope loaded slasher forms the foundational framework and sets up filmmaker Jason Matherne’s 2004 feature with a killer-thriller twist.  With an unambiguous forthcoming of brutality right smack-dab in the middle of the title of “Stabbed in the Face,” Matherne, the low-budget director of the franchised “Goreface Killer,” an if-you-can-believe-it less profane name to the film’s true title of “the Cockfaced Killer,” helms his sophomore gruesome gorescape off a script by fellow “Goreface Killer” writer and collaborator Jared Scallions.  The independent gore-and-shocker set in the late 1980s lands a setting in Louisiana and Mississippi, specifically around the off-beaten trails and areas of New Orleans, under Matherne’s New Orleans-based horror and exploitation yielding Terror Optics Films, under the copyright of CFK (Cockface Killer) Enteratinment, which innately chairs Matherne with the executive producer hat as well as with Jaren Scallions co-executive producing and having a principal role in the story.

Character clichés clutter the chain of events with your typical pot smokers (Jared Scallions and André Le Blanc), bad boy (Eric Fox), jock (Bill Heintz), nerd (Steve Waltz), slut (Kristen McCrory), bitch (Dana Kieferle) and goody two-shoe virgin (Amanda Kiley).  The gang is all here for the slaughter, initiating formulaic conventionalisms that would make any horror aficionado cringe with an internal “here we go again” snide rippling through their gore-bore heads at the lack of originality and creativeness from another indie production.  Yet, if you stick with the story and pay attention (instead of doom scrolling your phone), Scallion’s script evolves out of being a simplistic carbon-copy primate and into a singular, secerning Homo Sapien with idiosyncrasies because though most characters remain on the routine attribute course, more than one don’t in an an uncommon but rarely explored concept that puts audience theories and callouts to bed before the unsuspecting reveal.  If needing a comparison, think about the “Scream” franchise as those films are really good at playing out the whodunit in complicated pairings with a big surprise at the very end.  In “Stabbed in the Face,” the unmasking is not as potent but the possible advents serpentine the story, some more obvious than others, and each carry a different motivation crashing head-on with each other after a few Matherne measured red herrings to throw off the plot predictable scent as well as building up tropes to the max of their mechanics, such examples would be the overly unchaste Starr who bed hops men without shame or overstating Bruce’s money and smarts with talks of getting into Harvard and his girlfriend is only with him for his family’s wealth.  Scallion slathers principals thick with stenciled overflow and when that bottom drops and all hell breaks loose, the ostensible outcome dissolves like wet paper.  Katheryn Aronson, Samantha M. Capps, Matt Mitkevicious, Bonnie W. Picone, Jerry Paradis, Helen Whiskey, Betsy Fleming, and J.C. Pennington complete the cast.

“Stabbed in the Face” is about as savage as it sounds.  Perhaps not as graphic or intense as the Wild Eye DVD illustrated cover art (we secretly wished it was), kills that amount to the titular act has a mortality rate of only two and those pair of perforations don’t live up to the wonderfully ghastly illustrated cover but, overall, fulfills the promise.  It’s quite evident that Matherne has no qualms about using splatter and sex, two of the biggest keys to a successful slasher, in his punk-scored abjection of lewd-laced murder.  Yet, it would be very remiss of me if I didn’t point out that “Stabbed in the Face’s” blade strikes air at times with the story.  Disconnection between the first couple of scenes and the haunted house party planning and then on completely omits the transpiring moment of the jock’s sister’s murder as scenes progress, passing through the event without as much of a whisper.  She’s just there in a scene and then she’s not and that isn’t explained until after the planning of the haunted house trip when the virgin naively asks while settling into his car about the girl who apparently was hacked to pieces on school grounds two months prior.  The heavy weight of that loss isn’t there for the jock, not even a fleeting moment of sadness or shock, as everything continues as if nothing happened.  The other characters are not struck by the loss either and this sweeps the character’s death under the rug and insignificant to the plot, but does a film entitled “Stabbed in the Face” really care about emotional scarring?  Or is the intention to leave open wounds to fester with more knife strikes, decapitations, and eviscerations?  If I was a magic eight ball, all signs would be point to yes toward the latter as special effects team Jason Bradford, Robert Masters, and Richie Roachclip pull their weight (professionally, not emotionally) creating better than anticipated morbid scenes of murder albeit the one or two obvious CGI blood splatter.

An 80’s teen slasher incarnate, “Stabbed in the Face” glorifies gratuitous sex, drugs, and gore, appropriately curated and displayed by our friends at Wild Eye Releasing on their Raw & Extreme sublabel.  The 78th released title on the sublabel is presented in a blown-up aspect ratio of 1.85:1 widescreen, eliminating the horizontal bars, on a MPEG2 encoded DVD5.  Resolution retains the image tautness with only a handful of scenes cropped and zoomed in even more that reduces pixels to a more granular façade.  Matherne owns the softer presentation with instances of posterization, especially when creating a period piece using stark colored gels and less light for positioning thicker shadow that hazily defines objects, as if lurking in the dark.  The English language Dolby Digital 2.0 stereo track has great dialogue strength that does sound boxy.  I suspect a ADR dub but highly unlikely with the really good synch and might just be more carefully attained specified audio with key boom placement.  Eric Fox’s electron and punk soundtrack parallel “Stabbed in the Face’s” indie-grunge horror with synthesizing tells of inspiration from the 80’s era.  Punk and hillbilly rock bands on the soundtrack include multiple tracks from The Poots, The Projections and The Pallbearers – the three Ps.  The static menu features full-length tracks from the soundtrack overlaying its static menu with the only bonus feature being a “Stabbed in the Face” Featurette, a behind-the-scenes look in raw and polished form at the film’s genesis and production with discussions from cast and crew.  Along with the feature’s own trailer, also included but separate from the bonus features are other Raw & Extreme trailers of “Crimewave,” “Goregasm,” “Whore,” “Video Killer,” “Blood Slaughter Massacre,” “Hotel Inferno,” and “Acid Bath.”  This portion of the menu options does not include a music track.  To turn consumers onto the film, more so the gore fans than popcorn film goers, the ultraviolent cover keeps in accordance with the Raw & Extreme profile.  The cover art is also semi-reversible with magnified bloody image on the inside of the frosted Amaray DVD case.  The disc is printed with the same cover art image, just downsized.  The unrated DVD has a runtime of 81 minutes and is region free.  Just hearing the title can induce the sensation of a sharp edge going through soft flesh and with that phantom impression of pain, “Stabbed in the Face” is horny, bloody, and punk!

“Stabbed in the Face” is now on DVD!