Tag Archives: SRS Cinema

EVIL Will Run You Over and Scrape You Off the Road Just to Kill You Again! “A Very Flattened Christmas” reviewed! (SRS Cinema / Blu-ray)

Posted by Steven Lewis on

Merry Christmas, You Filthy Reindeers! “A Very Flattened Christmas” Blu-ray on Amazon.com!

A roadkill collection company mourns the sudden death of one of their former employees who was murdered in a seemingly drug deal gone bad. Max, also a former roadkill company employee, returns to town to pay his respects to his close friend and colleague but the funeral is everything but cordial and of decorum when Rick, another former roadkill company employee turned famous yet narcissistic filmmaker on the verge of releasing another installment of his popular Dick Puncher series, makes trouble not only at J’s funeral but also at the company’s Christmas party. Max’s friend, conspiracy theorist Dan, becomes lead suspect in J’s death, and detectives Bradley and Francine search for clues and interview those involved with the deceased. Soon, they and all other employees become intwined in all the roadkill company drama for all the wrong reasons when a killer dressed in a menacing reindeer outfit has set out to slay all employees, past and present, this Christmas.

Based on the Shane Wallace created six-episode comedy web series “Flattened,” premised with precursory characters Max, Dan, and J involved in roadkill company hijinks and drugs, Wallace’s feature length, Christmas holiday-themed, and company slasher film serves as a direct follow up to the web series filmed in and near Wichita, Kansas and released between 2016 and 2017. Titled “A Very Flattened Christmas,” the 2024 story continues the trio’s story, picking up years later after all the interned employees have moved on with their lives from scooping up animal carcasses from off the local highways and backroads and started different career pathways, such as becoming a highly famed filmmaker, and but their newfangled lives become jeopardize by an evil reindeer taking them out one-by-one. Different Day Pictures returns to produce the venture backed by crowdfunding through GoFundMe with film’s star Key Tawn Toothman serving as producer.

The returning web series cast carry little over from the series into the feature film other than selective series moments displayed in a snow globe during the credits, which doesn’t explain much if, like in myself, you’ve never seen, or even heard of, the web series, and the multiple mentioned fact that characters once worked at the roadkill company.  That’s about as much backstory you’ll get to catch up into a whole new venture for Max and gang that are no longer in the dirty business of carcass removal but are in the business of being preyed upon by a reindeer masked killer, a complete 180 degree turn of events from the comedic web series.  This particular Christmasy, slasher sequel follows Max (Key Tawn Toothman) having returned to town to attend his friend J’s (Naythan Smith) funeral.  Max’s grounded for social facets with level-headed awareness and a good sense of judgement making him well liked amongst current employees of the company but that also makes him an easy target for former employees turned narcissist filmmaker Rick (Jesse Bailey) and conspiracy theorist Dan (Trevor Vincent Farney) who clings on him with his paranoia drivel.  Between the two, Rick receives substantial backstory material with news story and commercial hype for his upcoming Dick Puncher film but receive little context to Dan’s rants and ravings that are more like an annoying friend’s unconscious conversational narcissism.  Max is balanced out by allies within the company like receptionist Jerry-Ann (Beckie Jenek) and mobile carcass scraper Lorribell (Paul Makar), both of him have to work on Christmas, begrudgingly, but all are fair game for Red Eyes (Lucas Farney) with a mangy Reindeer mask in a mall Santa suit killing off Max’s friends and enemies alike and while Max and his love interest Maddie (Kaemie McCanless) along with detectives Bradley (Mark D. Anderson) and Francine (Shanna Berry) work to uncover the truth, led on red herring, and fight for their own survival, the body count continues to collect those staple to the “Flattened” series, turning every character fair game to be trampled by the Reindeer masked killer.  Mark Mannette, John Doornbos, Noah Farney, Blaine Frazier, Nora Graham, and Dean Kavivya costar.

The Christmas season may be over and Santa has packed it in for another 364 days, but no Christmas horror movie, especially released during the season, should be left unturned over and “A Very Flattened Christmas” receives a platform as we continue to celebrate the 12-days of Christmas with a series-based slasher that concludes the “Flattened” troupe’s run by killing off its beloved characters.  “A Very Flattened Christmas” continues the campiness with a dry humor, dark comedy affair that plays like a family get together that has gone down the drain with rekindled friends and enemies swirled into a nutmeg batter of one maniacally, reindeer-and-Santa Claus-garbed killer’s cake mix.  The feature tiptoes ever so gradually away from the roadkill company despite keeping the series’ Flattened in the title as the chaos spills out into other portions of town without the whiff of decaying animal corpses; instead, the corpses of Max’s acquaintances are the ones who are being flattened, literally.  The masked killer has strong threat appeal and wields an array of offings in favor of the story as Wallace uses death gags and some practical effects to shoulder the horror weight but there’s also a fair amount of visual blood spurt’s that speak to its budget limitations and crowdfunded castrations.  The killer twist is palpable enough though leans into overt tells some but the one thing this themed slasher really needed, as much as it also needed more series context in the jump from a television show to a feature film, is to up the Christmas tinsel with seasonal carnage to turn the merriness on its head by decapitating it.

Keep the holiday spirit going with “A Very Flattened Christmas” on an SRS Cinema Blu-ray. The AVC encoded, 1080p resolution, 25 gigabyte BD-R offers a solid image quality under the technical low bar circumstances. Details are sharply outlined, distinct, and without fuzzy aliasing, splotchy spots, or other associated compression issues. There’s some banding along the darker shades but nothing too big to gripe about. The details are hit or miss depending on the scene difficulty and substandard lighting but the achievement of corporal tactiles on an SRS Cinema Blu-ray is a little triumph for the release and that is what is accomplished here. The full-blown animation portion is top-notch work for something of a skit gag that lands with confidence. The English language LPCM 2.0 has little authority behind it’s acoustical dynamics and projecting strength, but the dialogue is overall clear and present, ample and adequate by all means of the sound design without underscoring the horrific highlights of a holiday horror film, such as the hits and action of the evil reindeer’s sojourn slaughter through the Max’s rolodex of friends. Daron Kelp and Dave Baker’s eclectic soundtrack of rattling synth keyboard and haunting sustained chords peppered with full length vocal tracks. There are no subtitles available. Special features include a director and producer commentary track parallel to the feature, an alternate scene, deleted scenes, the film’s trailer, an animated trailer, “Flattened” series pilot episode, and other SRS Cinema trailers. The Amaray Blu-ray is about as physically scanty as they come with only an illustrated cover art of the Santa-cladded reindeer (looks like a rat to me) overtop and about to take hold a snowy covered town in its bloodied shovel grasp. SRS Cinema has always been able to produce neat art for their releases to bedazzle slightly the rudimentary in-hand. The not rated release has a runtime of 92 minutes and is region free unlocked.

Last Rites: Santa has packed it in for the year but in horror, Christmas can come at any time of year. “A Very Flattened Christmas” is a welcomed addition to the holiday clash subgenre with a formidable villain, decent kill decimating, and great soundtrack but be forewarned of its spotty at best storyline, some bad CGI bloodletting, and humorlessly dry jokes.

Merry Christmas, You Filthy Reindeers! “A Very Flattened Christmas” Blu-ray on Amazon.com!

To be a Rich and Famous Rockstar, You Must Sign with EVIL! “Hell’s Bells” reviewed! (SRS Cinema / Blu-ray)

Posted by Steven Lewis on

Sign Your Soul To Satan for the “Hells Bells” on Blu-ray!

A pair of middle-aged best friends and rockers named Arthur and Herb have minimum waged jobs, no ambitions, and two level-headed wives on the brink of divorcing them if nothing changes.  All the friends have is their band, Devil Music, and their glam rock music. Out of the blue, a music talent agent signs them in a heartbeat and before they know, Devil Music is rocking out to a packed-full arena full of adoring fans and obsessed groupies, raking in money beyond their capabilities of higher counting.  What they’re oblivious to is the band’s collective souls now belong to the Devil under the contract terms with the servile music agent doing the Devil’s fear-based bidding and whose life and soul hangs in the balance.  When the Devil comes to collect, sending his demonic minions to slay each member of the band, Arthur and Herb must find a way to save themselves from the Devil cancelling their life show forever. 

For over a decade now, filmmakers Jim O’Rear, who’s minor zombie role in George Romero’s “Dawn of the Dead” has launched a career in indie horror in front and behind the camera with “Hayride Slaughter,” “Three Tears of Bloodstained Flesh,” and the “Cruel Summer” trilogy,” and Scott Tepperman, who’s more recent filmography into the indie market also saw highlights of horror, have been in business together ever since co-starring in the 2013 haunted hospital flick, “Hospital.”   From then on, the two had formed their own production company, Los Bastardz Production, specializing in low-budget horror with a select entourage of talent.  The devil and his contract film, underscored with a rock-n-roll fame theme, released in 2020 is duo’s “Hell’s Bells,” a horror-comedy built around if it seems too good to be true, it probably is narrative.  “Hell’s Bells” is also produced by the two filmmakers.

Like most of their produced product, it comes to no surprise that the Los Bastardz themselves, Jim O’Rear and Scott Tepperman step in the principal leads of a Beavis & Butthead or Bill & Ted type of heavy metal music centric duo who are daft beyond repair.  Any innovation aimed for the setup is instantly dissolved by the derivative tepidness as we’ve seen these characters before over the decades now, but O’Rear and Tepperman make for a good dimwitted and guileless pair with a gullibility and an innocence that makes them appear sympathetically simpatico, even when their levelheaded wives (Rebekah Erb, “Death Care,” and pornstar Layla Dawn. “Slumber Party Slaughter Party”) use threatening divorce language to motivate their one-track mind toward another desire in life.  The jokes are a bit long in the tooth and there are a handful of needless fart jokes, but the overall gags do land even if the terrain they contextually touch down on is rocky at best as they play to their individual character strengths of being a grocery bagger enthusiastic about making it big and a loafer who actualy has some intelligence underneath his Jesus hairstyle.  Their band mates, the cocky loudmouth drummer Vic (Paul Van Scott), the butch backup singer Shirley (Lisa Kirk), and the catatonic bassist Gary (Cameron Scott), all have their own quirks, and all are played by actors familiar with El Basterdz having donned roles in previously produced films from the company, such as the “Cruel Summer” series.  As the band Devil Music, they are targeted for soul reaping as a part of a contract byproduct against their music agent Caleb (Tom Komsar), drawn up by the devil himself in Marc Price (“Trick or Treat”) by duplicitous means with deceitful promises.  Without the horns, pitchfork, and red skin, Marc Price makes for a good Devil in human skin with only the economized visual effects fashioned glowing eyes.  Harold McLeod II preludes the story as a victim of contract, Cayt Feinics draws attention with a show of toplessness as Shirley’s lover, Jerry Reeves plays the demon x many going after Devil Music, and a sorely underutilized Jimmy Maguire, as the exasperated grocer manager tired of Arthur and Herb’s lack of common sense, fill out “Hell’s Bells” cast.

To preface with my previous experience with El Basterdz films, “Cruel Summer” didn’t do it for me with a dowdy slasher that’s didn’t leave impression.  Yet, “Cruel Summer” has two sequels plus a 4th soon to be on home video, making this series their most popular commodity.  What can I say?  Cinema is subjective.  That bad taste didn’t deter “Hell’s Bells” from the ever-growing review pile and a second chance to get this long-time horror fan aboard with Jim O’Rear and Scott Tepperman’s blithe outlook toward the horror genre, one that doesn’t take itself too seriously.  With that understanding, going into “Hell’s Bells” was rather easy with no expectations for commentative material and top-notch gags and laughs, but what El Basterdz provides has been long appreciated and continuously favored in genre films:  decent VFX, decent practical effects, and, of course, the provocation of nudity.  There may be times when films can get away with having only one of those key elemental pieces present with great immensity and intense projection that the film can’t be denied it’s due right to seen and heard as a well-made film but have all three and the formula works like a charm amongst genre fans no matter how bad the storyline gets and no matter how bad the acting is portrayed, leveling up a mediocre production to potentially the penthouse of the independent skyscraper.  To be fair, neither the story nor the acting in “Hell’s Bells” is atrocious but the technical aspects during principal photography and post-production throw the film off-balance into slapdash hogwash and that can be rather off-putting right out the gate for most audiences.

“Hell’s Bells” finds itself being a story having been told before, many times over in its airheaded budding duo faced with great task none think possible to complete, but O’Rear and Tepperman manage to befit themselves satisfactorily in archetype with a rock-n-roll nightmare by sticking to their character quirks and incorporating the backbone preferences of shoestring genre filmmaking.  SRS Cinema is a distributing house built on shoestring films and “Hell’s Bells” is another brick in its schlock-sturdy foundation with a Blu-ray release.  Encoded with AVC compression, presented with 1080p high-resolution, on a 25GB BD-R with the purple underbelly, “Hell’s Bells” looks pretty good for commercial grade encoding and minimal capacity.  Details are sharp enough to cause no concern to capture skin variations, the contrasting wardrobe textures, and the shifting compositions between reality and fantasy stemmed from visual effects and fade-in/fade-out montage sequences.   Scenes are mixed bag of grading, some more intense than others that are set with a brighter natural veneer, but all retain their intended quality without any substantial issues from compression.  The English language LPCM 2.0 stereo renders a mix of feeble commercial equipment and green technical knowledge that permits a large noticeable swing in all areas of principal sound recording with most of the pain points affecting dialogue with retreated vocal presence in certain scenes while robust in others, and even an in-moment change of the same scene at times.  Post sound design isn’t marred by the same scenarios that’s a clear as crystal with the added rock soundtrack, crowd cheers, and demonic gutturals.  No English subtitles are offered.  Special features include a commentary track with writer-directors Jim O’Rear and Scott Tepperman, a behind-the-scenes featurette, Arthur and Herb’s Devil Music music video, blooper reel, the feature trailer, and SRS Cinema catalogue trailers.  SRS Cinema’s Blu-ray mirrors their limited 100 count release without the director’s signatures, retailed with a regular Blu-ray Amaray case with illustration composition artwork of mostly the chief principal characters, and as always, the graphic artistry SRS uses is always 100x better the film.  There are no other physical accompaniments.  The not rated release has a runtime of 80 minutes and has region free playback. 

Last Rites: Throw up the sign of the devil horns for “Hell’s Bells’s” comedic contract with a hair metal Satan, but don’t let this narrative fool you by hawking new something old and done before.

Sign Your Soul To Satan for the “Hells Bells” on Blu-ray!

Welcome Proclaimed EVIL Into Your Home! “Video Psycho” reviewed! (SRS Cinema / Blu-ray)

Posted by Steven Lewis on

“Video Psycho” on Blu-ray and DVD home video!

On his way back home, Jason picks up a Ryan, a hitchhiker looking for a new start in town, goaled to achieve three things:  a place to call his own, to obtain a job that pays minimum wage, and to find a girlfriend.  Empathetic to Ryan’s new beginnings having gone through himself, Jason invites the hopeful drifter to stay at his shared home with girlfriend Julie and little sister Kylie.  One night drinking between Jason and Ryan, Ryan confesses to killing a man and even delivers video proof with his own recorded snuff film the act.  Disregarding the video and Ryan’s confession immediately as a joke, Jason lets the man stay until another snuff video involving someone Jason knows puts Ryan in the driver’s seat that could set up Jason as the suspect.  Weeks go by and Ryan basically has the run of the house with Kylie and Julie being fed up with his intrusion and Jason’s illogical reasoning for continuing to let him stay.  With Kylie in his romantic sight, Ryan is on his path to achieve his goals. 

A SOV-horror that proves you should never pickup strange hitchhikers and also proves that there are really unsuspecting, trusting, and overall dumb people out there willing to open up themselves, their home, and their family members to complete strangers, even after adamantly admitting to their heinous crimes.  That’s the essential takeaway for Del Kary’s directed, shot-on-video thriller “Video Psycho,” co-written by Kary and Pete Jacelone, a long independent horror producer and writer who began his writing career on the 1997 film and went on to write an abundant of horror you’ve likely never heard of, such as the “Psycho Sisters” series, “The Killer Clown Meets the Candy Man,” and the eyebrow raising “Duck!  The Carbine High Massacre.”  Kary’s career is not as lustrously tarnished with two films in the late 90s, including this one and “Snuff Perversions:  Bizarre Cases of Death,” and not another until last year’s “Cheater, Cheater,” a slasher based off the childish rhyme cheater, cheater pumpkin eater.  Kary solely produces the PsYChO Films production, shot in Yakima, Washington. 

“Video Psycho” embodies that home movie aesthetic that was shot with poor equipment but amongst good friends, and probably a few beers too.  The cast is compromised a bunch of one-and-done actors with Kary’s film being their only credit as the story follows more from the perspective of serial killer Ryan, played by James Paulson.  With a soul patch, poofy dark features, and thick eyebrows that slant down in a malevolence manner, Paulson contains that judgy general appearance of a psychopath and distills apathetic patterns that are nonchalant and blunt.  While Paulson thrives as killer, Jason is the daftest, most gullible person to ever live in the cinematic universe.  Now, I’m not saying actor Adam Kraatz is the blame, performance has nothing to do with the way the character is written by Kary and Jacelone and that’s their own doing, but Jason’s inactivity to do anything or warn anyone is more frightening than the antagonist.  Girlfriend Julie (DeAnna Harrison) and baby sister Kylie (Jennifer Jordan) also can’t understand the man of the house’s submissiveness to a complete stranger who has this power over him.  When they both begin to question his authority and rational when weeks past and this random guy from off the road is still hanging around, Jason reverse psychologizes the two people closest to him which makes us wonder who the real villain is in the story.  The only other characters with substance are Kylie’s boyfriend Rick (Jared Treser), who has little impact being a buffer between sociopath Ryan and his tender beloved Kylie, and video store manager Steve (Art Molina), who does a better buffering job deflecting Ryan’s unwanted and stalkerish advances until Ryan has his way with him.  Outside the principal lot, the rest of the cast fills in with Ryan’s videoed victims, most come in a single montage of analog recorded murder, with Jason Alvord, Chris Valencia, Shannon Dimickl Brandy Jordan, Jack Meikle, Heidi Munson, and Charles Summons.

Lo-fi and dry, “Video Psycho” presents an invariability that ultimately kills any intrigue, tension, and fear.  With the cast being what it is, an adequate of inexperience, the narrative needed a lift to cannon itself beyond the routine of motiveless stranglers who kills for the love of killing.  Kary and Jacelone’s attempted twist for high impact is Ryan showcasing his snuff body of work to newfound friend and host Jason and for Jason to think nothing of it and let the maniac stay with him and his closest loved ones.  At this point, audiences will slap their foreheads so hard aspirin couldn’t handle the amount of pain to follow and attention to the rest of the story will begin to wane as disbelief ad improbability start to set in like a bad side effect of an illicit drug that clearly has said side effects.  Acts two and three barely blip on the developmental and dynamic activity meter between the characters conversations of the Ryan confoundment.  Essentially, they all talk about the inaction of others and give the benefit of doubt rather than taking action themselves to alleviate Ryan’s squatting.  Ryan’s the other character enacting real change during his weeks’ stay by videotaping every count like it’s his last and insidiously inflicting himself creepily toward Kylie.  Kary does output a few notable scenes of unsettlingly imagery, such as Kylie’s haunting dream of Ryan calling her name and getting closer to her bed as she sleeps while in strobe light and with the lo-fi videotape quality, the effect is definitely dream surreal, at least that is what “Video Psycho” has going for it.

SRS Cinema’s newly restored and re-mastered Blu-ray edition is on AVC encoded onto a 25GB BD-R with 1080p high-definition resolution.  Not that the pixel count really matters with “Video Psycho” and it’s lo-fi videotape that’s neutralizes textures and color and comes with its share of interlacing and tracking issues.  To worry about compression problems, to which there is none within the uncomplex file and its size used for the codec, would be a waste of mental and visual space with an image that does delineate objects to differentiate, implies true hue, and does the job of lower grade, SOV-horror with authentic commercial SOV-qualities of home S-VHS camcorders.  SRS Cinema never really cared about being the picture of health when it comes to quality, so this isn’t off brand for their content and schtick but does heavily play more into the little-known obscurity of home-grown thrillers within its full frame 1.33:1 aspect ratio.  The English mono track offers parallel quality to the video with a static and lo-fi quality that won’t have the pithy impact of a robust and all-inclusive surround sound or even stereo.  Kary’s produced in minor key minimalism and dread score is one of the element’s that be elevated. Dialogue’s hit-or-miss with clarity that’s often impeded by the said interference and poor mic placement, or just the intrinsic issues of an on-board mic.  There are no subtitles available.  With poor A/V quality, why release this film on Blu-ray?  The answer is simply because of the wide-ranging special features that include interviews with the actors who play Ryan’s on-screen and video victims, such as Art Molina, Jennifer Jordan, and Adam Kraatz.  There’s also a feature paralleling commentary track, behind-the-scenes rehearsal footage, deleted scenes, alternate takes, and outtakes.  Plus, the official and teaser trailer along with additional SRS Cinema previews.  The company continues to commission some pretty rad artwork and that is also true here with Belgium graphic artist STEMO who electric saturations of purple, red, pink and blue make for a eye-catching and intriguing roadside killer artwork, even if a bit literal with a thumb up hitchhiker holding a video camera on the side of a blood soaked road in the foreground.  The artwork fits snuggly in between the film layer of a standard Blu-ray Amaray and the disc is pressed with the same front cover image.  The 75-minute feature comes not rated and the Blu-ray is available region free.

Last Rites: An unremarkable, home brewed, strangler picture with little to say, “Video Psycho” has unimaginative idiocy with characters and a narrative conclusion that can be seen a mile away, leaving the SRS Cinema’s title worth only to watch because of its catfishing artwork.

“Video Psycho” on Blu-ray and DVD home video!

An EVIL Drug That Can Cure Your Crabs and Boil Your Insides! “Private Blue” (SRS Cinema / DVD)

Posted by Steven Lewis on

“Private Blue” is on the case! DVD Now Available.

A new drug is on the streets of Edmonton, Alberta.  Call Shrink, the drug can produce a massive high and contains a high level of antivirals that can cure any sexually transmitted disease, but there’s a side effect.  If taken in a single excess amount, the drug can boil your insides, leaving nothing left.  The Edmonton police are stuck on the case with no leads and to make progress on the fast-moving drug epidemic that has now claimed the life of a daughter of a prominent sports booky, the department hires Tony Blue, an ex-cop now private investigator who can use unconventional means outside the scope of police authority to get the needed information, such as where Shrink is being peddled and produced.  Working down the vine, Blue runs through the hierarchy from street pushers to the manufacturing kingpin, a brusque and brutish strip club owner named Wanda who will stop at nothing and will not let anyone get in her way to fill the streets with her deadly, venereal disease-curing drug.

A comedic spin on the 1980’s lone wolf cop-thriller, “Private Blue” immerses itself into every trope manageable inside its indie budget with business in the front, party in the back mullets, bad guy chases and beatdowns, and a smoke-filled and color gel-brightened assortment of atmospheres that propagates the cop film neo noir aspects.  The accountable party behind this crass cop caper are a pair of brothers, Devin and Robert Burkosky, based in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada.  The brothers produce, write, direct, and one-half star in what is their sophomore feature film behind the 2018 comedy-horror “Load Shark Massacre” that’s about a murderous loan shark who bites off more than he can chew.  Continuing the trend of drugs, violence, and psychotronic absurdities, “Private Blue” is an extension of their creative effort into crime action with a horror edge but with this time, they add a science-fiction element straight out of the boondocks of left field.   The feature is produced under the Burkosky company, Beechmont Entertainment. 

Robert Burkosky jumps into the titular role of “Private Blue” as a wisecracking and arrogant Tony Blue, an expelled detective because of his purloining of the evidence locker for his own needs, but Blue is a great chase-down detective, if not the best with his quick wit and adept situational skillset that makes him valuable.  Burkosky hams up Blue’s cocky attitude and Miami Vice-lite dress with linen blazer overtop a white tank top, sporting aviator glasses, and flaunting a greasy-looking mullet to accentuate the arrogance and confidence.  Opposite Burkosky is Moira MacKinnon as the larger-than-life adult industry head honcho and criminal mastermind Wanda who’s behind the manufacturing and distribution of the Shrink drug.  Having had a role in the Burkosky’s debut feature “Loan Shark Massacre” and was recently in their last film, the 2025 “Heat Score” that’s currently in post-production, MacKinnon’s a Burkosky go-to regular and her performance in “Private Blue” is perhaps my personal favorite with the Rita from “Power Rangers” voice and cackle and a maniacally expressed face as she bulldozes people into what she wants, no matter friend or foe.  “Private Blue’s” colorful cast doesn’t end there as there’s plenty of outrageous personalizes that are typical of a Burkosky brothers production, such as Tommy Grimes in drag playing the role of a female assigned stripper named Candy, Wolfgang Johnson as a low-level, guitar-playing, drug pusher, and Rod Wolfe as an older, mid-level dealer who wears various peppers around his neck like a necklace.  Dean Lonsdale, Ian Rowley, Dave Qurik, Kaley Leblanc, Jesse Hicks, Arielle McCuaig, Christian Stahl, and Brandi Strauss fill out the cast.

For what the Burkosky’s try to achieve in churning out “Private Blue” as a throwback of hard-boiled sleuth work, there’s success is select areas.  One of those successful portions is the phenomenally pastiche 80’s soundtrack by Robert Burkosky and the general aesthetic of the said decade with smoke-filled room illuminated by the gel lighting.  Wardrobing occasionally lands in the same era but there’s really no set point in time the story takes place but rather a mishmash of decades.  Devin and Robert, the latter quickly establishing himself as nearly a one-man show for the entire production, are competent editors that make “Private Blue” an easily digestible narrative.  What’s not easily digestible are the jokes that, for the most part, land flat.  The colorful characters do indeed entertain in their ineloquence and idiosyncrasies, but the script lacks that gut punch humor.  Instead, the script is riddled with fart gags, which personally I’m not a terrible fan of its audiological stink, and the jokes continue periodically throughout in every, or every other, scene of just randomized farting when a character sits, squats, or actually flatulates purposefully as a way of gag-inducing defense.  While most jokes don’t jive in jest, there are a handful that do, such as Tommy Grimes convincing our sexuality as dolled up sex worker Candy or Robert Burkosky’s lengthy slow-motion dance scene with a bunch of strippers at Wanda’s club.  Hilarity, as well as spurts of graphic violence, continue through whenever the story perversely changes course and mostly for the better. 

“Private Blue” is on the case.  Or, rather, is inside the case of an DVD Amaray with the release from ultra-indie underground label SRS Cinema.  The MPEG-2 encoded, standard definition 420p, DVD-R with the purple underbelly has a less-than-desired picture quality that’s par for the course with SRS Cinema.  Yet, all the sub-def eyesores are not terribly off-putting thanks to some decent camera equipment and know-how by the Burkoskys.  The palatable image has a flat grading only targeting contrast during it gel-lit scenes and the film is presented in 1.33:1 full screen that’s shot-on-videotape with uniform moments of interlacing.  Imaging produced is a result of a macro lens, encompassing even less within the standard framing and providing a flatter field that loses a bit of the depth.  The LPCM stereo mix that offers an ample dialogue track and range of audio layers that create a fair separation.  Robert Burkosky’s soundtrack epitomizes the balance between the layers when amplifying to make it the star of the scene.  Gun shots, thrown punches, and, even to an extent, the fart gags find the relative right level within a campy mix.  English captioning is available on this DVD.  Special features include a paralleling director’s commentary track, a blooper and outtake reel, the film’s trailer, and other SRS Cinema trailers.  SRS Cinema’s physical copy is standard fair but does showcase a blue-hued illustrative artwork that’s appealing and accurate with the same, but cropped, design pressed on the disc.  The 96-minute film comes not rated and is region free.

Last Rites: A debased tribute to the hard-boiled 80’s cop actioner, The Burkosky Brothers “Private Blue” has potential to be a great accolade of the subgenre as well as be funny but falls short with an overuse of pass gas gags and its inability to surpass that tenor.

“Private Blue” is on the case! DVD Now Available.

Who Would Have Thought Something So Tiny Could Create So Much EVIL! “Cannibal Tick” reviewed! (SRS Cinema / Blu-ray)

Posted by Steven Lewis on

Get Bit by the “Cannibal Tick” Blu-ray! Now Available!

Jeb believes his late father’s purloined gold is stashed underground in his densely wooded backyard.  What’ Jeb unearths is not gold, but barrels of chemicals Jeb believes to be just as valuable.  What Jeb doesn’t know about the pinched drums is the ooze inside leaking from them turns the local tick population into diseased carriers, transmitting a sickness upon biting their hosts and transforming the hosts into ravaging flesh eaters that continue to spread the disease with one single bite.  All hell quickly breaks loose amongst a sleepy backwoods around Big J’s outdoor food truck until a retired vampire hunter, Alec, turns his skillset onto the zombified undead when twin brother Roscoe becomes patient zero.  Big J’s famous menu items pig dicks and beer won’t save the rustic hillbillies from a fast-spreading contagion but one kilt wearing son of a bitch aims to take on all of them with a help of local and his vampire slaying colleague.  

If Lyme disease wasn’t already bad enough, chemically diseased ticks being the parasitic harbingers of the zombie apocalypse might just be the worst.  Like a premise straight out of Valve Corp.’s Half-Life series, co-directors Ross Carlo and William Long’s low budget, running zombie-comedy film, “Cannibal Tick” will leave more than just a bull’s eye symptom in its bloody, outrageous wake.  Mostly derivative from other running undead features, the 2020 feature length film is the debut and first collaboration efforts of the Eastern Ohio-Western Pennsylvania filmmaking duo with Long running solo in penning the screenplay of rednecks running rampantly through a serious case of tick-induced rabies.  “Cannibal Tick” is a production of indie companies Poo House Productions located in Youngstown, Ohio and of William Long’s Dark Long Productions of Northern Cambria, Pennsylvania.  William Long and Ross Carlo retain the producing credits as well as taking on principal characters as per standard in the microbudget, everybody-pitches-in productions.

In the spirit of low-budget creativity, Ross Carlo (“Rotten, Welcome to the Freak Show”) accepts his dual role fate playing twin Scottish brothers Roscoe and Alec.  Carlo invests himself into the accent while getting physical when the ticking timebomb explodes and all zombie hell unfolds in the armpit of Nowheresville, Pennsylvania.  His presenting of Alec and Rosco couldn’t be more different but still oddly the same as Alec’s has more of an interesting background as a retired vampire hunter visiting his brother, or rather just dozing off on Roscoe’s couch.  Roscoe, on the other hand, is purely just a boondock alcoholic without much of anything else going on other than the next pint and a handful of used tissues from his personal pleasuring.  William Long (“The Devil’s Wasteland”) also has a role in the film but just one as the gold feverish Jeb looking for his late pop’s buried treasure.  Jeb’s quiet nature is not imposing and he’s terribly forgetful or just doesn’t listen to his wife but neither scenario is really relevant to the story, much like most of the carrier scenarios and backgrounds other than Alec’s vampire killing skills translating over to zombie dispatching.  So many characters are quickly tossed into the mix of a 73-minute story that they’re unfortunately not well fleshed out nor provided enough substance to even instill an impression upon and what they reduce to is simply just fodder for the carnage for the sake of a high body count.  John Catheline (“Deadly Numbers”) is and plays a forlorn former wrestler Curtis lost in beer and solitude for his prime fight days and has become a local mechanic, Maurandis Berger (“Chronicles of a Serial Killer”) and Sheneefah Johnson (“3 A.M”) are a black married couple who find themselves broken down in a white hick town, and Lena Devinney and the late Jimmy Barber Sr. (“Deadly Numbers”) are the couple who arrive at the wrong place, wrong time as they drive up to Big J’s for some pig dick and beer.  The aforesaid descripts don’t go any further with no progressive dynamism that usually establishes either a love or hate development with audiences.  “Cannibal Tick” also feeds upon Greg Bailey, Allison Devinney, Donnie Lawrence, Tene Gossard, RahZhee Emmaunel, Lisa Dapprich, Iesha Guzzo, Jana Ferris, and Michelle Dominique Buxton to be bigger in the slaughter and in the slaughtering. 

“Cannibal Tick’s” concept is sound – a tick becomes affected by a barrel of leaking toxic chemicals that causes their bite to inject the zombie creating substance directly into the bloodstream.  Yet, the problem is there is only one scene with a tick bite and the Rosco-Long production goes from interesting to run-of-the-mill zombie chaos with zero principal protagonist power.  Another knock down is the substandard traits of an extreme indie production that relies heavily on the character captivation and special effects caliber to be successful in a demanding market driven by those factors.  The former has been touched upon in great detail, but the special effects pull ahead as Michelle Dominique Buxton, who not only has a character role but is also the special effects makeup artist, is able to pull off a few interesting prosthetic monster looks as well as a decapitation death that in all honesty is really well done in framing and effect.  While the solid zombie carnage infects survivors left and right with a ferocious appetite, the narrative then evolves with Jeb’s direct ooze contact, transforming him into some similar to a zombie king that sets up “Cannibal Tick” to a potential sequel in the future.  However, that sequel hasn’t crawled its way to fruition just quite yet.

The blood thirsty arachnid with a zombifying bite buries itself onto a new Blu-ray release from SRS Cinema.  The AVC encoded, mastered 720p resolution, 25 gigabyte BD-R with the purple underbelly.  While typically unusual for a Blu-ray to be in standard definition, SRS Cinema’s certainly no stranger to their films being filmed in 720p, thus the format, but video, as well as audio, suffer quality buckling, especially when encoded onto a one-time writable disc that has its own technical limitations.  “Cannibal Tick” sees quite a bit of those technical woes in its compression codec from banding, splotchy macroblocking, and loss of overall finer details.  Many of the action scenes are done at night with little lighting and decoding struggles with delineation and details, especially when the use of commercial filming equipment was used.  The film is at least presented in a widescreen 1.85:1 aspect ratio.  The English audio isn’t written or displayed on back cover, but this does render through the receiver output as an uncompressed 2.0 mix that channels a dialogue and ambience stream through to another channel of a stock score.  Obvious lack of refinement housed in a lower bitrate captures less isolation efforts on the dialogue, leaving disruption to run interference that spike and subdues pitches and tones, but the dialogue strength has solid recorded quality from a well-placed boom.  Other than that, there’s not a good dynamic range other than zombie growl and gurgle to give “Cannibal Tick” a semblance of audio body.  Special features include raw footage of behind-the-scenes of stunt sequences and makeup effects without narrative context, the original trailer, the official SRS trailer, and trailers of other SRS Cinema catalogued films.  The standard Blu-ray contains original artwork of a large, translucent, yellow tick overtop a blood smeared, presumably, zombie woman that speaks greatly to and has intrigue appeal of an ultra-indie film.  With a runtime of a little over an hour, marking at 73-minutes, SRS Cinema’s release comes region free.

Last Rites: Ultra low-budget, rough-and-ready, and imitative in a rustic sense, “Cannibal Tick” drains interest and captivation with the film’s throwaway moonshine characters caught and released in the throes of a backwoods zombie outbreak.

Get Bit by the “Cannibal Tick” Blu-ray! Now Available!