The House that Holds Evil! “Slasher House” review!

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Here is an entertaining little piece of UK slasher horror that will sure be appreciated as well as thrilling. “Slasher House” had finished filming and was wrapped up in a nice bow two years ago but, finally, made an appearance on DVD just last year in the UK. A whole another year later and “Slasher House” hits retail shelves this past Tuesday in the States – about damn time – courtesy of Sector 5 Films. In all honestly, the good old USA missed out on releasing “Slasher House” as this English film’s crew and cast were the highlights of turning a run of the mill survival film into a great little unknown gem of a movie.

Red wakes up stark naked in a cell of a grungy rundown prison. Plagued with amnesia, she can’t remember who she is let alone how she how she got here. When her cell door opens up, Red discovers she isn’t alone as their other captives, but these captives are not so innocent. Within these iron bars and walls, she is trapped with notorious serial killers who are being released from the cells one by one. With no way out in sight, Red must elude the killers as they hunt for her in the corridors. There are more sinister means behind this game, but she must go through the players first to find out why she’s here and who she really is.
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Leading lady Eleanor James was labeled one of Britain’s new age scream queens. Though she delivers no real scream here in “Slasher House,” James’ character resembles more of Milla Jovovich’s Alice character in the Resident Evil series – more so with the red dress, calm demeanor, and feistiness with less kung fu, ESP abilities. Her performance as Red has you rooting for her all the way because she is the first and last “last girl” in “Slasher House” against a handful of murderous sonuvabitches.
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Each notorious slasher has a trademark and a unique personality – a child killer, an operator, a brute, a dual personality – leaving no room for boring characters. Their backstories are briefly told in a flashback anecdote just short enough to give you their whole persona. The plot is a bit more complex than it’s unique cast of characters. I like the idea of bringing a lineup of serial killer allstars into a dirty old prison and letting them face off. I wish there was more of that. Half of “Slasher House” was trying to find an exit and the other half was escaping the maniacs. No real dull moments plagued the film, but with a premise that involves a battle royal amongst the worst of the worst, you would think you’d be up against a blood spattered wall and heads would be constantly rolling. The other half of my mind says the slowed down story goes better with a film like this to build the characters up for a great and glorious downfall.
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“Slasher House” plays out like a graphic novel and could be well turned into one. A great one in fact. “Slasher House” also delivers a twist ending that you won’t see coming until the very end! Speaking of the movie’s end, the open ending doesn’t explain much to the character’s situation. One could only guess to the purpose behind the game, but none of the plans are plainly explained.
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“Slasher House” is a must buy from Sector 5 Films. Two years have I waited for a film like this that could entertain me on a budget while pulling off major production status. I’m very impressed by director MJ Dixon and his vision and his future is bright with indie pictures and possibly get a gig in Hollywood if he keeps turning out good films. If you have a fear of clowns you may want to stay away; other than that, pick this DVD up that was released this past Tuesday the 26th!

Free your fears: F.E.A.R. online coming to Steam

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Alma is back and it is time to fear her once again. Yes, F.E.A.R. online is finally coming to Steam after it’s long ass beta test on areia games. For people who don’t know what F.E.A.R. is, it is an extremely kick ass first person horror game with the first one being released back in 2005 on XBOX 360 and Playstation 3. The series has spawned two sequels and now a free to play spin off is on its way to Steam this fall. It will be free and will feature both a co-op campaign and competitive multiplayer. I know I will be playing it the day it comes out and give a review of the game since my happy ass loves the F.E.A.R. games to death. F.E.A.R. Online has a scheduled release date for October 17.

Quick Pic: Real Life Three Breasted Woman?

What I'm sure is to be a psuedo-name, Jasmine Tridevil becomes the first woman with a surgically added third breast and nipple.  For reals.

What I’m sure is to be a psuedo-name, Jasmine Tridevil becomes the first woman with a surgically added third breast and nipple. For reals.

Half-Assed Evil Exorcists! “John Dies at the End” Book Review

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Jason Pargin, under the pseudonym name David wong, is a major success stories that inspire all of us hopeful writers. Pargin, a low on the totem poll data entry administrator, is the brains behind the insanely clever, notoriously witty, and devilishly deranged novel “John Dies at the End.” Without even an English degree to his name, Pargin wrote short stories that turned into a full fledged novel solely by word of mouth from total strangers. Eventually Pargin was contacted by Phantasm director Don Coscarelli and as soon as Pargin blinked, a movie was adapted from his story and the rest is hisory.

“John Dies at the End” revolves around David Wong, a video store clerk whose life isn’t exactly that excited, but when he discovers the “soy sauce” from a homeless Rastafarian Wong and his friend John are sucked into the massive plans of an alternative reality species that has their sights on enslaving humanity in the name of their leader “Korrok.” Only Wong and John can see the truth because of the “soy sauce” and while others live their daily lives, Wong and John prepare for battle the only way they know how – with boom boxes, flame thrower water guns, and Molly the bomb eating dog.

Pargin’s novel will be a treat that you’ll never ever in your life read something similar like it again. Somehow able to paint a perfect picture with his colorful use of dictionary, Pargin certainly knows how to make silly scary and fun. The pages just kept turning as if I was hooked on the “soy sauce” and was warped, like a “Star Trek” hyper drive, into an other world universe. The randomness of scenes with Wong’s first person version of events can only be described as batshit nuts with a hint of nihilism. Once you add his friend John into the mix, it’s a whole different story as John is a colorful character with classically hilarious one liners and a mind like a 13 year old boy ready to take on the world.

I’m one those people who watched the Don Coscarelli movie first before reading the book and I did this before with Stephen King’s novel The Mist and so far, I’m not disappointed with my ass-backwards way of doing things. Of course, the novel will always have more than a movie adaptation, but damn did Coscarelli bring Wong’s world to life and light and I do believe that the writings of Pargin are so vivid and clear that this made Coscarelli’s job easy.

“John Dies at the End” is a must read. It isn’t the latest best seller as the book’s been out since 2007, but this horror comedy will make you laugh and thrill you into thinking about the possibilities of our universe.

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Based On Real Life Evil? “My Name is ‘A’ By Anonymous” review!

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Based on the real life teenage ‘thrill killer’ Alyssa Bustamente, Shame Ryan (“Amateur Porn Star Killer”) directs “My Name is ‘A’ By Anonymous” to tell what may or may not have happened to murdered Elizabeth Olten by her neighbor Alyssa Bustamente. The story tells the story of a group of teenagers left to their own emotional devices and left to their own parentless neglect manifesting a dark world that sparks angst leading to murder.
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Shane Ryan mixes real life with an art film and the result doesn’t and won’t translate to most audiences. The non-linear story creates more confusion than clarity and being that this is one possible scenario on the murder of Elizabeth Olten, the scenario leaves more questions that perhaps vivid answers. One quality the film does do is color Alyssa Bustamente to be a thrill killer with self cutting tendencies, a dry attitude toward life, and the possibility of having a multiple personality disorder. Does this revolution around Alyssa paint a portrait that the film is more about a killer than about the victim?
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The expectation bar was set high for director/writer Shane Ryan. With the exploitations of his earlier work such as “Amateur Porn Star Killer” movies and “Warning!!! Pedophile Released,” there were hopes that this film would be more intense and graphic. Since Ryan decided to take a cheap and artistic route, the outcome will confuse, bore, and shred any bit of entertaining qualities to itty-bitty pieces.
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Marketed as being in the same vein of more infamous teen angst films such as “Kids” and “Ken Park” is very deceiving. Besides the killing, which was mostly described in sub context art form, and the implied incest-rape, also in sub context, there is really no comparison to “Kids” or “Ken Park.” Very few moments in the movie where the scene feels powerful and telling but these scenes are overpowered by lack of story telling and more of just teenage girls scenes of them brutalizing themselves and dealing with parental issue.
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I’m not a fan of this Wild Eye Release. I’m encouraging you, however, to try to have an open mind and give it a whirl. Ryan’s film is not for everybody and won’t be a stellar hit. “My Name Is ‘A’ By Anonymous” teases mostly in the same likes as “The Life: What’s Your Please?” teases the possibility of Denise Richards and Daryl Hannah, a pair of escorts, getting their freak on but leave the view limp all the way to the end. This film harks on that same flaws. Don’t get your hopes maxed out, but instead go into the movie, being released this Tuesday September 23rd, with a backup plan just in case of severe boredom.

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