Colleen and Colleen Versus the Evil Bratzis! “Yoga Hosers” review!

Colleen Collette and Colleen McKenzie are best friends. They’re also two superficial 15-year-old girls who are nose deep into their social media campaigning cell phones, jamming in their girl punk band Glamthrax, and living by the unorthodox, yet namaste driven, yoga practices while exasperatingly working at one of girl’s father’s convenient stores called “Eh-2-Zed.” Set in the Great White North of Canada, the Winnipeg, Manitoba sophomores are surprisingly invited to a senior party, a lure by a popular, good-looking senior boy who has a darker, Satanic side to him. The Colleen girls’ run in with a murderous devil worshipping senior inadvertently opens another hidden danger lurking 37 feet beneath their “Eh-2-Zed” soles. A slumbering Nazi mad scientists has been awoken and aims to finish his Third Reich master plan to take over Canada with a cloned army of Bratzis, living Bratwurst sausages who are pint-sizes Nazis, and seeks to unleash evil upon the Manitoba Earth.

Kevin Smith’s latest pop-cultural flick, a comedy-horror feature, entitled “Yoga Hosers” is the second installment, following 2014’s film “Tusk”, in Smith’s horror-inspired trilogy known as The True North Trilogy. Did you noticed I labeled “Yoga Hosers” as a comedy-horror instead of a horror-comedy? The “Mallrats” and “Clerks” director basks more in the familiarity of witty, profane humor in this second of three films, but Kevin Smith has known to dapple, gradually stepping over to the dark side into horror with his radical religious sect piece “Red State” and, like aforementioned, the body-horror “Tusk.” The Jersey native also has an occasional appearance on AMC’s “The Talking Dead,” a talk show about “The Walking Dead’s” post-premier of each episode, and has meddled in the realm of the fantastic. Not only is Smith a strong advocate and sincerely passionate comic book enthusiast, coinciding with his own AMC show “The Comic Book Men,” but “Dogma,” starring the late Alan Rickman, delivers divine revelations and, now, with “Yoga Hosers,” a villainous Nazi clones miniature Bratwurst soldiers. Smith holds, in my opinion, one of the most extremely diverse bodies of work in our lifetime.

Where as “Tusk” goes gritty and gory with R rated horror-comedy, Smith’s intentions for “Yoga Hosers” has always leaned toward that of PG-13 and, maybe, that’s due in part of the two films’ minoring connection. The connection, presumably set in the same whacked out alternate universe, stem from the two Colleens, one played by Smith’s hysterically funny daughter, Harley Quinn Smith, and the other being Harley’s longtime, kindergarden friend Lily-Rose Depp. Yes, the daughter of mega star Johnny Depp and French singer Vanessa Paradis brings her inherited talent and French dialect to one-half of a buddy comedy. The 15-year old girls, who are also 15-year old in character, transfer their natural offscreen relationship into being an entitled millennial pair with every intent on neglecting responsibility until faced with the moment of truth. Teamed up well with Lily-Rose’s father, Johnny Depp, under the heavy makeup of a fictional French manhunter named Guy Lapointe, also from “Tusk,” with scene-to-scene rotating facial mole, the crime fighting, buddy trio awkwardly moves across the plain in an enjoyable double entendre performance of simple wit. Accompanying Depp, Smith, and Depp are an eclectic roster of Kevin Smith’s usuals such as Justin Long (“Tusk,” “Jeepers Creepers”) as a reality-severed Yoga instructor named Yogi Bayer, Jason Mewes (“Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back”) in a bit part, and, of course, Kevin Smith himself as the devilish Bratzis. New faces also make the scene with an unrecognizable Haley Joel Osment (“Sixth Sense”) as a young Canadian Nazi and “Orange is the New Black” Natasha Lyonne portraying a slutty Eh-2-Zed manager who sleeps her way to the top with Colleen C’s father, “Veep’s” Tony Hale.

“Yoga Hosers” explodes with Canadian farce that’s laced heavily with jokes on ‘aboots,’ hockey jersey-wearing patrons, an alternate version of Lucky Charms called Pucky Charms, and many more stereotypical references that satirically poke a good humored finger at Canadian culture and pop-culture. To top this satire sundae, the smug Colleens define the very title of the film with their dimwitted sludge and white girl yoga written into every storyboard moment. “Yoga Hosers'” buddy film concept gives an opportunity to two young and clueless teen girls who genre pirate the story with a jalopy of unsystematic plot humor, sucking away and discarding like garbage the sole ounce of blended “Gremlins” and “Puppet Master” cavalier subgenre horror that’s comfortably pleasant and inarguable right for a fun film of this triviality. Though I think the Colleens’ have had their story told, I’m intrigued to see what the pair of aloof teens offer in Smith’s third film of the trilogy, “Moose Jaws.”

MVDVisual distributes a dual format Blu-ray, DVD, and Digital HD release of the various production companies’, including main investor, Invincible Pictures, and Kevin Smith’s founded SModcast Pictures, “Yoga Hosers.” The Blu-ray disc is a MPEG-2 encoded 1080p transfer with a 2.38:1 presentation and, rarely, flutters under a mediocre bitrate. Image brightens with a glossy coating that revels in brighter hues of blue, pink, orange, and yellow while starker bolds such as red and purple pop with vividness. Yet, sharp details are thin, less defined to bring high definition to present technological age. The English Dolby Digital 5.1 track slightly elevates the ambient noise, especially during the girls’ punk rock practice that muffles out portions of their vocals, yet still manages to vary and balance. The only bonus feature available is a behind-the-scenes featurette that includes some insightful interviews. “Yoga Hosers” oppresses a melancholy reminder that the old Kevin Smith is no more and dawns a Kevin Smith 2.0 who transforms his satirical trademarks and his witty banter into strange misadventures, involving, in this case, two teenage fools flighting from one sub-narrative to another in a mixed bag of comedy and inferior minion horror.

Buy “Yoga Hosers” on Bluray/DVD/Digital HD at Amazon!

AMC’s “The Walking Dead” S5Ep3 ‘Four Walls and a Roof’


As one chapter closes, another opens when Rick faces off agains’t what’s left of Terminus and Daryl and Carol discover a whole new dire situation. Bob has been returned to the group sans a leg and informs Rick and company that his time is near as he was also bit on a run. Poor Bob. Lawrence Gilliard Jr. will be missed as Bob Stookey, a level headed, positive thinker who gave much of the group hope. His alcoholic and lonely past turned for the better when he met the group. He was a shining example all that was potentially good. Well, a good thing can’t last forever as this episode hints.

I’m a bit glad that Gareth, played by Andrew J. West, wasn’t another Governor character. Instead, Gareth becomes a short lived catalyst vehicle that may or may not have split Rick’s group into two halves – one half doesn’t trust anybody new and becomes violent against the against the grain riders and then there are those who believe everybody is good and you just have to sift through that darkness. Carl and Rick are the prime examples of each category which will make for good television later on in the series because I’m sure Carl will once again blame his dad Rick for something. However, Rick has been right for most of the show’s life.

I’m still curious about Father Gabriel. His guilt runs deep, but how did he survive for so long being a coward. Rick still doesn’t trust him, but Father Gabriel didn’t rat out the group with Terminus hooligans make their threatening entrance into the church looking for revenge blood. However, Rick decided he was going to keep his promise to Gareth and Sasha had some revenge on her mind against Terminus folks as well.

Next episode will be something we haven’t seen before; a new group of foes unlike the show has ever given us. We’ll find out what happened to Beth and where Carol and Daryl discovers her. This should be interesting as this gives Rick and his group a new path and takes them off their now stagnant stay at the Church and leave Terminus in the past for good.

AMC’s “The Walking Dead” S5Ep2 ‘Strangers’


My apologies for providing reviews days after a show airs. This past week has been hectic with a trip to Canada, work, and new baby! I’ve managed getting around to “Z Nation” and “The Walking Dead” this week (nor would I miss them any other week). “The Walking Dead’s” second episode in season five entitled ‘Strangers’ keeps us guessing. Rick has had bad deals with strangers (as the title of the episode suggests) and he holds a cloud of suspicion over everyone one that crosses his path.

This time a preacher named Gabriel has crossed Rick and his group’s path and Rick, being paranoid Rick Grimes, has his suspicions about the man of the cloth; he knows the preacher man is hiding something. Carl, being happy-go-lucky Carl, wants to believe that not everybody is bad, but his beliefs are starting to turn as he starts to see the clues surrounding Gabriel’s church – knife marks on the windows, “You’ll Burn for this” etched into the side of the church – and Carl is now seeing what Rick see’s: a man’s guilt and past.

On the tail of Rick’s group, the cannibals of Terminus have captures and started to munch on one of the group’s own. These folks are twisted and I’m talking about way, way out there. More looney than The Governor. I have a sneaking suspicion that more than one major player will die this season at the hands of the long pig delicatessen enjoyers. I’m also pretty positive that the deaths will be fairly significant meaning that the deaths will be of characters we actually like. I’m still waiting for Carl to bite it. Sigh.

‘Strangers’ certainly brings more questions than answers to the table. Carol still isn’t sure if she wants to stay or not. Daryl chases after those who stole Beth. The internal plans between Abraham’s group is still a mystery. Lets not forget the slimy food pit and the stanky zombies that inhabit the dark, dank water hole. Those zombies should have gotten one of them killed being I’m sure they can bite under water. I’m also digging Seth Gilliam as Father Gabriel Stokes. Gilliam does a great job creating a character we’re quite not sure about yet. His intentions seem pure, but his secret could cause Rick and his friends their lives. We’ll have to continue to find out more I guess…

Syfy’s “Z Nation” S1Ep6 ‘Resurrection Z’ review


The time has come to have one of the main characters to be killed in action. Episode six ‘Resurrection Z’ delivered as the ideal, soul-sucking episode to kill off a major character since Harold Perrineau’s Hammond character in episode one. The writers of “Z Nation” are not just slapping together a splatter fest of zombie carnage mayhem; instead, ‘Z Nation’ is taking a cue from AMC’s “The Walking Dead” by actually creating and developing characters wroth the sight of our eyeballs. Developing beyond the point of can’t standing it, that when a series nixes a character, in a very public, gruesome, and dramatic way, the show becomes more compelling and real. I won’t mention who got the axe to prevent spoilers for those people who want to catch it On Demand, but I’ll say that that one of our surviving heros will not be making episode seven.

The episode itself consists of good underlying tone that good people will always be naive to their surroundings while the religious nuts will ruin your day by gun toting a AK47 with a deceptive plan in mind. Religious factions have always played into the zombie apocalypse before ‘Z Nation’ had ever introduced “Jacob” and his flock of suicidal crazies who happen to overrun the good guys compound to punished the non-believers of the resurrected. While I give props to a well thought out plan to infiltrate the good guys compound, I found that the fruits of the labors becomes way too easily nullified by Murphy’s Messiah rant.

Murphy has been the character to develop a lot the last two episodes. We find that Murphy is either an extreme sympathizer of the misunderstood Z or he is slowly transforming into one of the undead proving the antibody strain is ineffective. Murphy is immune to zombie affections and he has some sort of mind control over them making Murphy the ultimate guy to be buddy-buddy with in a zombie overrun world.

While we move on without one of the survivors, lets not forget the objective and lets not forget that “Z Nation” won’t tone down the bloody show; instead, the show will continue to get bloodier with each episode, the feelings will become even more twisted, and overall feel of the show will put your head in a vice and your eyeballs will pop out. You’ll enjoy every turn of the vice handle loving the pain the “Z Nation” brings to television.

AMC’s “The Walking Dead” S5Ep1 ‘No Sanctuary’

Comic-Con Trailer: The Walking Dead: Season 5 (Screengrab)
“The Walking Dead” is back, finally!  Season 5’s premiere episode is the critically acclaimed show’s best yet starting right off where we left in the last episode in season four.  ‘No Sanctuary’ is gruesomely heart felt where scene after scene gore and emotion.  There were so many gut wrench scenes that play havoc on all the areas of your brain that you don’t know whether to cringe or cry.

Rick and friends are locked in a train held hostage by Terminus hostiles. You can bet your ass that this episode is about the group trying to escape among other story line tangents like Carol and Tyreese figuring out what to do with baby Judith. Rick’s is on the edge looking for blood and revenge while the others passive methods keep Rick grounded. There is a great parallel between Terminus group and Rick’s group and that could prove costly our heros in future episodes.

Abraham Ford, Sasha, and Eugene are still trying to make their virus ending trek to Washington. The Eugene character is still a mystery to us all because he carries himself as a mullet sporting ‘scientist’ who has played one too many role playing games in his mother’s basement. Abraham follows Eugene blindly and I think Sasha just follows Abraham because she’s wants ride on his handle bar mustache (just sayin’). The three have some sort of secret that the rest of the group doesn’t know yet, but I’m sure more will come to light in later episodes.

Special effects guru and director of ‘No Sanctuary’ Greg Nicotero has a bag of new tricks for audiences this season. When you think there was enough blood in a season, this very first episode had probably outdone all the rest of the season’s combined. Ruthless intentions, compelling dynamics, and exploding zombie parts! Check out after credits to reveal a surprise reprisal of a form character! Get ready to geek out with your inner zombie out!