Somebody should tie my feet together, hang me upside down, put a bag over my head, and just beat the shit out of me with a Louisville Slugger for an hour or two. I held onto the Ryan Nicholson’s Gutterballs DVD for nearly 4 years and just popped the disc into the player this past Wednesday. Gutterballs is a the ultimate 80’s homage to the slasher genre where two rival bowling groups are trapped inside an after hours bowling alley being taken out one by one by a psychotic killer known as BBK – Bowling Bag Killer. Why have gone 1,460 days of not watching Gutterballs? Mostly because I have 2,500+ movies and a wife who doesn’t care much for horror movies. I’m limited to 1 to 2 horror movies a week. Yup, I’m doomed.
Gutterballs doesn’t just claim to be an 80’s homage, there lies true behind their claim. Though the characters might a bit of annoying, overly zealous, and dislikable, I did find everything else to be quite the throwback. The clothing, the editing, the violence, the special effects – all of these qualities harked back to the glory days. The characters, as I were saying, nearly ruined the whole thing by being over the top and I’m sure these characters are written to be this way, but why? The constant three assholes (one who chuckles for no good reason and I couldn’t wait for him to die), the every girl is a slut, and the outcasts were all well-done in a burnt steak kind of way.
The nudity was nearly x-rated. We get to see Candice Lewald’s hamburger from behind and there is loads of fake dick sucking and dick disfiguring (turning a penis into a “mangina”). And lets not forget the barrage of gratuitous tit shots. Gutterballs is certifiably NC-17 and for good reason also for the two butt pucker rape scenes that will leave women and men cringing. Nicholson uses mainly schlock and shock value to get through to his audience without much of a plot behind it. The plot here is okay at best, but there lies many holes that need filling between the characters and their histories. More development is needed to give the story some girth, but when you’re creating a film with gallons of blood and naked chicks, I doubt a good story is on your mind because that won’t necessary bring in the big bucks.
Gutterballs is a definite must for any gore fiend of the 80’s slasher film. Even the poster is rad with the homage to Maniac and the DVD cover is scantily clad with a blooding bowling pin. Gutterballs will make you want to go bowling afterwards, but it will also make you want to protect your all your holes from being invaded. Check this one out or you will strike out!
Tag Archives: halloween
Salem Girls are Evil! The Lords of Salem NEW trailer!
Brand spanking new trailer for The Lords of Salem by shock rocker Rob Zombie has landed! The first teaser was incoherent and messy, but this official trailer looks astounding and epic. Epic may not be the correct terminology because I don’t think Zombie would want his work to be described as “epic,” but the trailer did make his latest film seem very so.
Sherri Moon plays a Heidi, a local DJ who plays a mysterious record backwards that sparks trauma and bizarre violent flashbacks of the town’s past. I’m loving more and more that Zombie is back with original work. The Lords of Salem will be in theaters 4-19-13 and don’t forget about his new album hitting shelves shortly after 4-23-13 Venomous Rat Regeneration Vendor! Hell yeah.
http://trailers.apple.com/trailers/independent/thelordsofsalem/
Evilstep! Listen to the heavy bass of Figure!
Dubstep + Horror and you have Horrorstep brought to you by electro music sensation Figure who delivers Horrorstep right to your door. Figure’s real name is Josh Gard and he began his career in 2009 dropping beats that stand with the best in the genre, but Figure had to take it beyond his limits…far FROM BEYOND…his limits. He incorporates his love for horror into his music and THE THING is that makes Figure a cult favorite is that he doesn’t just half ass his mixes. Oh no. Like I said before, he is a heavy weight in his divisional genre.
Figure sends SHOCK WAVES down my spine as I’ve been hooked on The Werewolf (VIP edit) and I’ve been just EATEN ALIVE by this track that I yearn for more blood and beats by Figure. Figure mixes old school and new school horror into his tracks along with the retrofitted artwork on his album covers – Monsters of Drumstep Vol. 1, Vol. 2 and Vol. 3 and the Destruction Series. On a cold BLACK SUNDAY, I can’t think of anything else I rather listen to and FROM DUSK TILL DAWN I will be searching the inter-webs, scoring more tracks from Figure – especially from SoundCloud.
Figure – Michael Myers is Dead
I’m waiting for Figure to make his return to the States from Europe to start mixing again and hopefully perform at some local. Until then enjoy these two tracks and visit his SoundCloud and Facebook page and don’t be LAID TO REST by boring electro music!
Figure – The Werewolf (VIP Edit)
Evil Dwelling: Horror Icons of the 21st Century?
After watching The Collector, I started to think about how potential horror icons of the 21st century seem to shrivel up, fizzle, and dissolve away into nothing halting a potentially worthy horror franchise into spit – yeah, spit. The franchise runners – Jason Voorhees of Friday the 13th, Michael Myers of Halloween, Freddy Kruger of A Nightmare on Elm Street, Leatherface of Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Chucky of Child’s Play, Pinhead of Hellraiser – are good examples of horror icons and their franchise titles; yet the trend has seem to fade away, perhaps we are seeing the last of franchise horror icon and their time as reigning champs is on the way out. I like to think that this lack of a long hauling series is giving an opportunity for new blood, but the majority of horror movies the past decade don’t have the staying power nor do they have enough support to have a sequel every other year. I’d like to share with you my thoughts on current horror franchise icons and some possible contenders for the future.
Ghostface
I like my knife.
Who is probably the face of franchise horror of the 2000s, Ghostface became a household horror name, easily becoming an icon without really trying. The simple use of black and white and an abstract of Edvard Munch’s portrait woven with the mind of Wes Craven and screenwriter Kevin Williamson catapulted the franchise from the 1996 all the way to 2011. The icon has made it’s mark in the Halloween costume market, memorabilia shelves and was even homaged in an unofficial video game that pitted horror icon versus horror icon called Terrordome. The Ghostface killer can be anybody, can out swift anybody and can rise from the grave over and over again (much like his icon predecessors). However, Ghostface stays human and never has been backed by evil powers to contribute to his killing spree success (much unlike his icon predecessors).
Jigsaw
Every channel has Jigsaw – gosh!
Where Ghostface became the face of an horror icon of the millennium. Jigsaw most certainly was the presence that absorbed the rest of the icon persona of the 2000s. Ghostface had the healthy braun, Jigsaw had the killer mental capacity. The ailing killer engineer masterfully justified his kills by righting wrong by committing extreme self-judgments. Even after death, Jigsaw had a lasting impression upon his followers who carried out his deeds for him. For seven consecutive Halloweens, Jigsaw has made an appearance on the big screen. While most fans have probably had enough of Jigsaw for at least another seven years, there are some die hard Saw fans itching for more traps, more blood and more Jigsaw and his creepy doll.
Victor Crowley
A face only a mother can love.
Louisiana back-woods, swamp thing Victor Crowley is a deformed tortured soul that will never sleep until every single person who trespasses is ripped to bloody shreds with his bare hands or, of course, hatchet. Crowley came on the scene in 2006. Adam Green brought the slasher back. Green gave Crowley a tragic backstory much like Jason Voorhees. A boy who is teased to the point of his almost death only to rise again to embark on a murder crusade. Victor Crowley initial success might be his downfall. Much like how Wes Craven played out the Scream with sequel two (it was okay) and sequel three (damn near stank), Hatchet II was garbage in comparison. One could only hope Green took a step back and reviewed Crowley’s flaws to bounce the deranged maniac back to spilling more blood than ever.
The Creeper
Be a part of me!
Never have I really cared for Victor Silva, but his creation, The Creeper, has to be one of, if not the, best horror character icons ever. With intelligence, attitude and a knack for resurrection, The Creeper has it all. Two films are under this potential franchiser’s belt with a possible third movie continuously being hinted at and unlike perhaps Hatchet, the fans want the winged creature back and possible this year…so sources say. Lets all hope that The Creeper will piece himself back together, from the body parts of his future victims, and return to more rural terror!
The Collector
You’d like nice in my Collection!
The Collector had sparked this whole notion about more modern horror icons. With The Collection release, I’m anxious to see what kind of hobbies The Collector has in store. At first, I’ve brushed The Collector dismissing it as another run of the mill slasher flick. That is not the kind of horror blogger I strive to be, but one can get discouraged by most of the junk horror that surrounds us. I’m glad I have Jayson Kennedy in my life (or at least as a friend on my Facebook). I trust Jayson’s word so much that on his positive views of The Collector, I could not wait to get my hands on this interesting character. Marcus Dunstan’s and Patrick Melton’s icon has a bright future. Don’t get him mixed up with Jigsaw as The Collector is more of a perverse character whereas Jigsaw was a teacher of sorts. This is what makes The Collector an even more mysterious character.
Chromeskull
Slice and dice with a smile.
Laid to Rest was a sleeper. Loved the viciousness and the tenacity in brutally murdering people and using a camera to relive the experience over and over. Must like Adam Green, Chromeskull is the one trick pony of Robert Hall which could hinder Chromeskull’s career as a franchise killer! If there was ever another sequel, the story and the effects would really have to blow us, and the critics, out of the water if Chromeskulll wishes to return and return and return from the grave. Chromeskull’s mysterious ways his frightening and his appearance is reminisce of an 90’s slasher, but unlike those decade slashers Chromeskull has the most potential in the 2000s.
Now that I’ve shared my thoughts, can you think of any other franchise or potentially franchise icons that sparked in the turn of the century?
It's Bloggin Evil! 