Category Archives: comedy

Dump Buckets and Buckets of Water Back into this Dry EVIL Well. “Ring Shark” reviewed! (SRS Cinema / DVD)

Posted by Steven Lewis on

“Ring Shark” Now Curses the DVD Market! Own It Here!

For the subscribers of her Youtube show, vlogging social media influence Kanamasa and her co-host search for a stone well rumored to be in a haunted forest surrounded by unfriendly villagers who aggressively ward off unwelcomed visitors.  Upon discovering the well, a shark-like creature emerges suddenly and bites Kanamasa, scaring them off.  A few days later, another pair of Youtube investigators of the Psychic Investigations Big Summer learn of Khana’s disappearance after her last video surfaces of what looks to be a shark fin and then a ghastly body surfaces from within her bathtub, attacking her bikini-garbed body.  Seeking the truth and eager to find Khana, the investigators conduct interviews with “shark” experts and attempt to visit the same well only to be shooed off by the villagers until, finally, they’re able to reach the same spot and experience the same sharp-teethed horror lurking within it.  Unknowingly, that same supernatural terror of the well had follow them home. 

Sharksploitation has admittedly gotten out of hand.  The beloved horror subgenre that began with Steven Spielberg and Bruce the mechanical monstrous shark who terrorized the beaches of Amity Island have since drowned in its own watery subcategory of the ocean’s maneater predators with microbudget ineptitude that takes the shark from its natural ecosystem and rehomes it in a miscellany of nonsense locations, such as on land, in the weather, and even circling in toilets.  Well, today is the day we’ve come across a movie been assimilated into that same fatuous collective with “Ring Shark,” aka “Well Shark,” aka “Ido Shark.”  The Japanese, found-footage comedy-horror is the first of a trio of incongruous shark films released between 2023 and 2024 by Taichiro Natsume with “Love Shark” and “Last Shark” to follow, connected by the Big Summer team of Psychic Investigators.  Natsume also wrote and produced the feature.

Unfamiliar with the Psychic Investigator Big Summer series, which there’s uncertainty if Big Summer is a Japanese comedic troupe, equivalent to the Broken Lizard of America, what “Ring Shark, or “Ido Shark” begins is a series of various haunted case probes by the Big Summer team, which in this film in particular include actors using modifications of or using their actual names as characters in the story, such as director Taichiro Natsume being the single male lead in the group under character name Daiichiro Natsume.  Daiichiro Natsume can be a bumbling, yet persistent fool when it comes to the mysterious case of Kana-san with his steady motif of exclaiming his love for big boobs and determination to resolve the mystery.  He’s joined by colleagues on-and-off screen in Momoka Asahi and Chihiro Nishikawa, the latter not to be confused with Chihiro Nishikawa of JVA.  While Nishikawa and Natsume continue the running gag conversating about big breasts, Momoka Asahi enters the picture much later as the third investigating team member when Natsume goes down with a well shark bite infection that haunts him from the inside out and puts him in the hospital.  From there, Nishikawa and Momoka take the reigns on investigation by not only tending to Natsume’s dwindling health but also interviewing internet paranormal sleuths Hiroshima Freddy, a Japanese horror influence in real life, as well as Black Story Kuro, who I imagine is another influencer but couldn’t confirm it.  Typically, the Japanese language has a ton of fluid inflections and tones that dictates situations and mood, but “Ring Shark” avoids much of the vocal ups-and-downs with a consistently level tone of flat and dry humor peppered with fear, arbitrary bickering, and a pinch of kawaii to sustain a semi-serious documentary style investigation.  Maya Mineo, Issei Kunisawa, Yacch Chara, Daiki Mizuno, Honey Trap, Umeki, and the wrestler known as The Shark fills out the cast.

“Ring Shark” is “Blair Witch Project” meets “The Ring.”  The latter having the most prominent appearance as the at home media, that was once titled, or probably is likely titled in Japan, as “Ido Shark,” is marketed for U.S. consumption because every moviegoer is either well versed or knows of Hideo Nakata’s “The Ring” series and its heebie-jeebies Samara spirit.  Instead of a cursed tape that summons Samara out of the depths of her murdered resting spot, a well, to kill anyone after a week of viewing said tape, “Ring Shark” only real connective tissue to “The Ring” is that there is a well in the story and a murdered girl’s body was dumped inside.  That’s it.  From there, the structure is more to the tune of “Blair Witch Project” with a pseudo-found footage of one social media’s disappearance igniting the Psychic Investigator Big Summer team to check it out after the tape is brought to their attention form Kanasama’s co-host.  The docu-style incorporates dry wit of interviewing shark experts, creature academics, urban legend connoisseurs, and thorough analysts and researchers, as well as themselves as angry villagers and a supernatural hand puppet shark head subverts their stratospheric sublayer with soul-chumming results.  Yet, none of everything just said really clicks in a flimsy and slapdashedly put together microbudget story derived for effect for true and absurd exploitation of sharks gone wild. 

“Ring Shark” swims right into SRS Cinema’s well-house with a brand-new DVD from the microbudget cult film distributor.  Upscaled to 1080p, the MPEG2 encoded, single layer DVD5 presents the Big Summer production ion a widescreen 1.85:1 aspect ratio.  Though upscaled to 1080p, the cell phone footage renders stretched limitations under the light of low-budget constraints.  Night vision and poor lighting coupled with closeups-to-extreme closeups, and shaky camera work dematerializes story-important images.  Natural lit and stationary camera work provide cleaner visuals in what is mostly a deluge of exposition and regular camera angles without atmospheric makeup.  The Japanese language Dolby Digital 2.0 stereo provides lean composition with ample inherent surrounding ambience, picking up the natural wildlife chirping in the background, the vocal amplification of someone talking through a microphone, the hustle and bustle of a restaurant, etc. Dialogue isn’t impeded by the commercial phone camera recording that creates a rather good reproduction and diffusion of sound amongst the space.  Added audio effects, such as the shark’s growling or snarling, does feel unnaturally alienated from the rest of the audio but works to the film’s advantage despite the obvious hand puppetry.  English subtitles are burned in but do synch well and appear error free. There’s also what looks to be double English subtitles along with Japanese title cards or subtitles that are a part of the Youtube investigation and often coincide with the main English subtitles in a distracting, screen space absorbing real estate. The Japanese electro-rap graced static menu, which samples Lil Jon’s Yeeeah, contains no bonus feature selection; instead, the bonus content is right on the main menu with short film “Shark of the Dead” (8.26 minutes) and the “Ring Shark” trailer.  I love bad movie cover art and SRS Cinema’s “Ring Shark” is no exception with smokey-eyed, electrically charged, and monstrously toothy shark breaching from a little stone well underneath “The Ring”-font film title.  The disc is pressed with the same image and there are no inserts included.  The barely hour-long film, clocking in at 63-minutes, comes not rated and has a region free playback.

Last Rites: “Ring Shark” is a monumental prosaic mockumentary aimed to swell Sharksploitation into further ill-repute and disrepair with an unfunny and uninteresting undertaking of underwhelming pastiche.

“Ring Shark” Now Curses the DVD Market! Own It Here!

Disguise as the Dead to Defeat EVIL! “The Shadow Boxing” reviewed! (88 Films / Blu-ray)

Posted by Steven Lewis on

Corpse Herding Isn’t Easy in “The Shadow Boxing.” Purchase Your Copy Here!

Corpse herder Fan Chun-Yuen has studied Master Chen for years, learning the ritual incantations and mastering the nuances of getting the dead home to their loved ones for proper burial.  What should have been a routine corpse herding goes astray when the last arrival of a corpse, a bald man, seemingly has issues following the simple incantations and master Chen’s leg is broken during a misunderstanding over gambling winnings at one of their resting pitstops.  Being left with no choice, Fan Chun-Yuen must herd the rest of the hopping corpses, publicly feared as hopping vampires, to their terminus with the aid of aspiring corpse herder and an undeterred woman Ah-Fei.  At the same time, criminal overlord Zhou, a casino owner, and a corrupt military leader are in search of a moral sub-lieutenant who can foil their plans and who has seemingly evaded all military checkpoints in route to Zhou, leaving the corpse herding understudies in the middle of a danger. 

The jiāngshī, or hopping vampire, is the Chinese version of the living dead, whether be a vampire, zombie, or a ghost in the country’s folklore.  In Chia-Liang Liu’s 1979 comedy-actioner “The Shadow Boxing,” the horror element of the jiāngshī is reduced to no more than a few false scares on the Chinese cultural collectiveness of superstitious fears.  Originally known as “Mao shan jiang shi quan” and also known as “The Spiritual Boxer II,” the film is considered a quasi-sequel to also Liu’s 1975 “The Spiritual Boxer” but only in association to the director and one of the principal actors and not a direct, character-connecting sequel by any other means.  The late “Human Lanterns” and “Demon of the Lute” writer Kuang Ni pens the script with Kung-fu comedy in mind amongst seedy corruption aimed to thwart tradition and principles, shot in Hong Kong by Celestial Entertainment on the Shaw Brothers studio lot, and produced by younger Shaw brother, Run Run or Shao Renleng. 

The actor who carries over from “The Spiritual Boxer” is “Dirty Ho” star Yue Wong in the role of corpse herding apprentice with a bad memory, Fan Chun-Yuen.  Wong’s character is a likeable learner who has the skills to be great at his vocation but lacks the confidence without being tethered to his master, played as drunkard and obsessive gambler by Chia-Liang’s brother, Chia-Young Liu, a longtime stunt man (“Once Upon A Time in China,” “The Savage Killers”) and actor (“The Return of the One Armed Swordsman,” “Five Fingers of Death”).  Fan Chun-Yuen tries to keep his sifu on a straighten arrow and focus on the task on hand and Wong and Chia-Liang invest that dynamic wholeheartedly while maintaining their sense of strength outside military force and criminal brutality to be masters under the flags of good and just.  Between them, a level of trust and reliance is displayed through their fighting casino goons and military soldiers where Wong needs his master to shout commands of the vampire style due to his bad memory.  There’s almost zero context on why that is but adds a melted layer of slip-in, slip-out comedy to make it unusually entertaining.  An understudy of the understudy and borderline love interest comes from Cecilia Wong (“The Hunter, the Butterfly and the Crocodile”) as Ah-Fei, a friend of Fan Chun Yuen who doesn’t want an arranged marriage but has an underscoring coyness with Fan Chun but their misadventures delivering the beloved bodies to grieving relatives proves to be difficult and much of their shenanigans to try and make their “mastery” believable in order to deliver the goods gets in the way of that amorous connection.  Also in the way are the corruptive forces hellbent to track down Chang Chieh (another Liu brother in Gordon Liu, “Kill Bill”) before he foils their transgressions, coinciding with performances from Lung Chan, Han Chiang, Wu-liang Chang, and Norman Chu.

“The Shadow Boxing” finely blends the chop-socky action with mystical folklore and comedy that’s not overly slapstick or buffoonery.  A serious layer runs through the middle of story and while the line chart fluctuates between peaks of let-loose Wing Chun and then violent sway the other direction with fleeting spikes of death and ghoulish shades, there’s never a tiresome tone of stagnating acts as Kuang Ni’s script develops and progresses upon the micro and macro dynamics of good versus evil characters, especially how Ni slyly introduces audiences to the last and bald corpse and it’s diverging acts of not exactly following incantational direction, in a mistakenly, humorous way.  The off feeling is there of baldie being of some importance but not until more third-party clues come to light halfway through the runtime and it’s by then the lightbulb begins to flutter and anticipatory wait for exposure begins.  If looking at “The Shadow Boxing” on a more comprehensive scale in the martial arts genre, the pace of fighting emulates too much on the lines of choreography counting.  Slow and herky-jerky, there’s not a smooth transition of moves in either of the individualized faceoffs or in the group skirmishes that doesn’t reflect well upon the stunt department as martial arts is the centerpiece of the action.  Every other aspect of creating tension and levity with the action works perfectly only to be lopsided by the sudden starts, stops, starts of checklist kick and punches. 

88 Films’ North American label lands the new high-definition release of “The Shadow Boxing” with an AVC encoded, 1080p, BD50.  The transfer is processed from the original negative and presented in the original Cinemascope aspect ratio of a 2.35:1.  The anamorphic lens used compresses the image, creating a spherical or rounded out sides on tighter shots, a known issue for the lenses of those times.  The 35mm negative has won the test of time with a near spotless print that 88 Films sharpens the color palette and defines the broader details with texture lacing, decoding the image at an average of 33Mbps.  There are times the details appear too texturally chiseled with the Shaw Brothers’ set backgrounds exposed as obviously painted backdrops, see the final showdown fight.  A single audio, uncompressed output of a LPCM Mandarin 2.0 mono is offered on the release.  The track comprises enough overlapping range of effects to sturdy the sound design almost as if it was an innate recording.  The instilled post effects have the traditional Chinese martial arts flare of whacks and thunks but added with greatly synchronous care whereas the dialogue, though clean and present at the front, has the expected timing issues with an intensity level that doesn’t quite match at times.  English subtitles are optionally available.  Surprisingly, this is one of the few 88 Films releases without special features other than the original trailer.  Instead, the label elevates the physical release with a limited-edition stunning monochromatic and illustrated cover art by Mark Bell with subtle tactile elements on the cardboard O-slipcover.  The same image is showcased as the primary clear Amaray cover art but with slightly more color added to it while the reverse sleeve features the original Hong Kong poster art.  The LE also comes with 4 collectable artcards, though they’re more still image cards than art.  The not rated, 101-minute runtime 88 Films release is encoded for only two of the three regions with an A and B playback.

Last Rites: Hong Kong cinema has been fast, loose, and either furiously funny or folklorically fist over hard-hitting fist and Chia-Liang Liu’s “The Shadow Boxing” takes into account both now on a format pedestal with a new Blu-ray release from 88 Films!

Corpse Herding Isn’t Easy in “The Shadow Boxing.” Purchase Your Copy Here!

Demonic Nuns Want Virgins to Resurrect EVIL! “The Convent” reviewed! (Synapse Films / 4K UHD and Standard Blu-ray)

Posted by Steven Lewis on

4K and Blu-ray “The Convent” Demonically Entering Your Soul! Buy It Here!

A woman strides into a convent carrier a can of gasoline and a shotgun during the sacrament of Eucharist between priest and nuns.  After setting the humble nave ablaze, she unloads shotgun shells into all the screaming bodies.  40 years later, a group of Greek life college students look to make their Greek letter mark on the same derelict convent now swarming with urban legends and ghost stories.  When a virginal student is kidnapped by wannabe Satan worshippers, they accidentally open the gate for dormant demons to arise through the corporeal vessels of the dead.  The possessed dead slaughter all in their way to seek another virgin, one that will embody their unholy master until this plane of existence.  The only chance for survival is to track that now woman from four decades ago to finish what she started after 30 years in an insane asylum, to blow away the demonic beasts of Hell!

At the turn of the century in the year of Lord of 2000, a year some Christians believed marked the 2,000th anniversary of the incarnation of Jesus Christ, saw another reincarnation of Hell passing through Catholic sacred ground from the creative culinary of profanity director Mike Mendez.  The one of a handful of creative talents behind the “Satanic Hispanics” anthology film and the native Los Angeleno helmed “The Convent,” his third directorial in horror behind breakout pyscho-hit “Killers” and the male-chauvinist be damned horror-comedy “Bimbo Movie Bash,” from the Chaton Anderson’s debut script full of sacrilegious imagery, glow-in-the-dark veined demons, and the dark comedic charm of early 2000s.  Shot entirely in Los Angeles, the demon-comedy is produced by Anderson and Jed Nolan (“Jurassic Women”) on a microbudget from executive producers Ryan and Roland Carroll of Alpine Pictures (“Dark Honeymoon”), Elliot Metz, and Rene Torres, who served as associate producer on the cult favorite, “Night of the Demons.” 

The collegiate characters are not only surrounded by twitching, carnage-dishing demons under the nuns’ habits but they’re also surrounded by headlining genre greats Adrienne Barbeau (“The Fog,” “Swamp Thing”) and, briefly, Bill Moseley (“The Devil’s Rejects,” “Texas Chainsaw Massacre II”) and gangster rapper, the late Coolio.  Barbeau doesn’t lose a step being the beautiful badass we all know and love from her reign as an 80s-90s scream queen, shotgun barreling down demons left and right as her character’s 40-years-senior self from the Nun-torching and blasting opener, the accused certifiable crazy lady called to action in Christine.  She’s called to once again stop a demonic Catholic kerfuffle she immobilized from spreading four decades back by a new set of naïve, older teenagers looking to get high, get lucky, and get the kicks.  Joanna Canton, who had three seasons in her on “That 70’s Show,” battles back-to-back with Adrienne Barbeau as Clorissa, the lead principal of the trespassing teens.  Canton is joined by story boyfriend Chad (Dax Miller, “Blood Surf”), story friends Biff (Jim Golden), Kaitlin (Renée Graham, “Shriek If You Know What I Did Last Friday the Thirteenth”) and Frijole (Richard Trapp, “Re-Cut”), story little brother and abuse-taking pledger Brant (Liam Kyle Sullivan, “Rideshare”), and story gothic bestie of another life time in Mo (Megahn Perry, “The Perfect Host”) whose been ostracized by mostly Clorissa’s friends and even a little by Clorissa trying to escape a gothic lifestyle for more fit in “normal.”  A dark and spooky night in a rundown convent transforms into a night of terror when Satan Worshippers Sapphira (writer Chaton Anderson, “Wither”), Davina (Allison Dunbar, “Browse”), and Dickie-Boy (“Kelly Mantle, “The Evil Within”) are led by so-called Satanist expert and a poorly 17th century speech replicator Saul (David Gunn, “Killers”).  “The Convent” does have dynamic trope characters, ranging from jock, to druggie, to cheerleader, to goth, and to the nerd, following formulaic footsteps to face forces of ferocious, fanged demons and doing it oh not so well and oh so gloriously bloody.  Casting rounds out with Oakley Stevenson, Larrs Jackson, and Elle Alexander.

Mendez’s “The Convent” has a real identity crisis issue walking in the familiar territory that closely resembles Kevin Tenney’s “Night of the Demons.”  Hell, I would go as far as stating Mendez’s Y2K-personified horror is a near step-by-step remake of Tenney’s 1988 demon possession carnage in an abandoned structure film.  However, minutia differences, a fall of Catholicism theme, and the addition of a motorcycling, demon-destroying Adriene Barbeau keep similarity nuances at bay and the acquainted plot lively and entertaining with a glow-party, nightclub maquillage on the demons to give them a fascia of techno-effervescence veins.  Mendez also adjusts the demons’ movements to a rapid twitch with increased frames per second and having the actors jerk their movements in a wild array.  Seems a little bizarre at first but the effect grows on you, and you can’t imagine “The Convent” demon without the spasmatic shots, as their glowing eyes set on seek-and-destroy roam from dilapidated hallway to dilapidated hallway, succumbing to the evil spirit’s will after the life force leaves the body.  Themes of an evil Catholic perspective will challenge those with a Christian value upbringing, especially with nuns and priests being gunned down and torched, and more character specific concepts of personal growth in deciding what’s right versus what’s popular run a paced course of dispersed too late to fix what’s already broken. 

As part of the Mike Mendez 4K UHD double bill release from Synapse that includes his individual inaugural film “Killers,” which we will review soon too, “The Convent” comes in a 2-disc, dual format set, making it’s uncensored, U.S. debut remastered in Dolby Vision 4K from the original 35mm internegative elements.  HEVC encoded, 2160p ultra-high definition, BD66 and the AVC encoded, 1080p, BD50 rockets the previously out of print film right past a standard Blu-ray release and into the land of 4K with 2k hitching a ride.  Both formats presented in a widescreen 1.78:1 aspect ratio, the definition and color saturation advancement are a huge leap from previous DVD releases with more delineate means inside a broadly shadowed interior.  Light and shadow have now divided fully and agreeably to shapes are now more obscured or in illumination.  With that being said, details are not knocked out of this part and that’s especially surprising since director Mike Mendez supervised the 4K remastering.  Facial features do appear smoothed out, more so on the standard Blu-ray release.  UHD has a slightly better rooting out skin details and customer texturing which Adrienne Barbeau leather jacket and tight denim jeans, with all the folds, zippers, buckles, and such, seeing the most promise.  The superimposed glow f/x has rich lamination with the emanating pulses creating reflection being done well on character faces and throughout an enclosed room.  The UHD and standard Blu-ray come with an English DTS-HD master audio 5.1 surround sound from the original 16-track master audio.  Uncompressed fidelity is a complete win here for “The Convent” that seizes side and back channels with monstrous grunts and growls, and not to forget to mention the often-neglected spooky house ambience of creaks, cracks, and killer hits to the body.  A broad range helps diffuse distinct layers to the individual channels.  Dialogue renders clean and clear with no pitchiness of hissing or crackling to note.  English subtitles are available on both formats. While the UHD only has eyes for the feature, the Blu-ray has the movie plus Hell-Raising bonus content, including two audio commentaries with a cast and crew commentary with director Mike Mendez, Megahn Perry, and Liam Kyle Sullivan and a Lords of Hell commentary featuring David Gunn and Kelly Mantle in full character of Saul and Dickie-Boy, a behind-the-scenes featurette, a location featurette, a single deleted scene, gore/kill scene outtakes, the original EPK (Electronic Press Kit), a pair of promotional trailers, and a still gallery. The new primary cover art and the reverse cover art inside the black Amaray case is illustrated by Ralf Krause and Samhain1992. A 6-page essay from Corey Danna has cropped color pictures along with release acknowledgements on the backside. The not rated film has a 80-minute runtime and is region free.

Last Rites: Never intended to take itself seriously, “The Convent” has wicked style, makeup, and effects under an early 2000’s feng shui and is balls-to-the-wall nonstop with demonically dark humor laughs and the barbaric blasphemy of a savagely railed faith!

4K and Blu-ray “The Convent” Demonically Entering Your Soul! Buy It Here!

Feminism’s EVIL Plan Thwarted by CIA Hunk in “The Million Eyes of Sumuru” reviewed! (Blue Underground / Extended Edition 4K UHD and Blu-ray)

Posted by Steven Lewis on

Sumuru’s Eyes Are Everywhere, Even Here on Amazon! Purchase the 4K and Standard Blu-ray Set Here!

Tall, handsome, and witty CIA agent Nick West is about to go on a much-needed vacation.  As soon as he steps outside of headquarters, he’s approached by British agent Colonel Baisbrook to cash in a favor the CIA owes the British government.  Unable to refuse, West agrees to investigate the assassination plot against one President Boong of an unnamed East Asian country.  The assassins are nothing short of extraordinary as a bunch of femme fatale infiltrators have put themselves in positions of power all over the globe as wives and girlfriends of nation leaders and President Boong is the only one that has refused to take the bait.  West and his good friend Tommy Carter find themselves quipping and philandering amongst the most dangerous female-centric organization on the planet, led by the ruthless and beautiful Sumuru.  To protect President Boong, West must become friendly with Sumuru who uses his likeness in a new elimination plot that puts him front, center, and in between saving the world or watch the men become subservient by an ambitious woman seeking world domination.

Double agents.  Foreign places.  Secret lairs.  Suave operatives.  Sexy women.  These descriptors are the very spirit of a James Bond movie.  At the height of the Sean Connery 007 era, plenty of knockoffs were produced to capitalize on the action and sex appeal of martini-drinking covert agent that rules the 1960s.  One of those copies was helmed by Lindsay Shonteff in 1967, titled “The Million Eyes of Sumuru.”  The “Devil Doll” and “Voodoo Blood Bath” director had already an espionage thriller under his directorial belt with “The 2nd Best Secret Agent in the Whole Wide World,” I bet you can guess who the first was during that time.  Kevin Kavanagh pens the script from the original story by legendary B-movie producer Harry Alan Towers (“The Face of Fu Manchu,” “Psycho-Circus”) that would become an incongruously and acerbically witty-tale of pseudo-feminism with hot pursuits, sensual promiscuity, and a dart gun that can turn a person to stone.  Towers also produces “The Million Eyes of Sumuru” under his LLC and filmed in Hong Kong at the Shaw Brothers Studios. 

As Sean Connery heats up the screen with his double 0 escapades through all over the global to thwart the men of evil and with an astounding amount of carbon copy espionage reels rearing to chase the all mighty buck, “The Million Eyes Sumuru” desperately needed a cast to keep afloat in a flooded spy film market.  For the most part, Towers and Shonteff’s cast pull off exactly what the story needed, a caricature of crowning chuckles subdued only by its slivers of spy game ventures.  That’s not to say there’s an abundance of gun play and fight sequences with terrific tussling as “House of 1,000 Doll’s” George Nadar uses his tall stature and ear-to-ear smile to be a lover, not a fighter in the wise-crackin’ American CIA agent Nick West.  West destroys the all-women Sumuru arsenal with just his manliness in a satirical jab at Ian Fleming’s titular protagonist and, for all intent and purposes, it works in the story to see Sumuru’s plans become ruined by not a gun nor a fist but because women in her organization, even Sumuru (Shirley Eaten, “Goldfinger”) herself, throw themselves onto him at critical moments and Nadar’s timing and screen charm laps every second of it.  Frankie Avalon (“Horror House”) and Wilfred Hyde-White (“The Third Man”) play Nick West’s allies as friend Tommy Carter and cavalier British agent Colonel Baisbrook who both play in two totally different capacities.  Tommy Carter equals West witticisms but falls behind as the friend who must journey solo to find West in the middle of Asia while Baisbrook effortlessly shows up in the nick of time to be either a savior or West’s handler with another mission in his pocket for West to reluctantly tackle.  A pair of principals that are held at bay is the beautiful Maria Rohm (“99 Women”) and the eccentric Klaus Kinski (“Nosferatu the Vampyre”) whose swift takes leave more to be desired as Rohm becomes weak-kneed on her Sumuru femme fatale application and Kinski plays drug-addicted, politically incorrect, and perverse president of this untitled Asian country. 

“The Million Eyes of Sumuru” contests to be a smartly funny, exotically set, and action-invested covert operative film of the late 60s, swimming against the current of some of the hard to beats and who have more of a legacy in the subgenre.  While “The Million Eyes of Sumuru might be more Swinging 60’s with cavalierism rather than sophistication and intent, the production value could rival the best Bond film of it’s time but it’s the stunts that drive this one down below the bar as Shonteff looks toward George Nadar’s quick wit and budding personality to be the masculine sex symbol that drives the rabid female race to their supposed manhating knees.  Its quite comical to see a firm line of feminism course through the plot’s veins, a plot where deadly women penetrate and subvert men world leaders only to become a slave to West’s dunce charm and attractive appearance.  West really isn’t the smartest of secret agents as he’s not trying to evade capture with rapid haste or fool anybody of his intentions; instead, he’s just mildly clever with broad shoulders and, apparently, that’s what women droll over instead of carrying out their loyalty pact of a global coup d’etat.   

Swinging onto the 4k Ultra HD Blu-ray bandwagon is the Blue Underground’s 2-Disc combo set UHD and Standard Blu-ray release of “The Million Eyes of Sumuro.”  The HEVC encoded, 2164p resolution, BD66 has picture quality absolution with a stunning brand-new 4K restoration transfer from the original 35mm camera negative thought originally lost.  The rich and colorful picture hits all the important markers with balanced film density that diffuses the hues nicely into every aspect of depth and focus, from the background to the foreground.  This goes for texture too.  No matter where an object lies in the frame, there’s an accurate representation in the reproduction inside the immense range of color schemes, landscapes, and textures.  Delineation is quite pleasing; the close ups of George Nader’s face exhibit ever facial feature with precision without appearing overly bright or smoothed.  The AVC encoded, 1080p resolution, BD50 Blu-ray captures much of the same finer points too on a slimmer pixel count but still denotes Blue Underground’s improved restoration, complete with inky blacks and no compressional misses to sully the quality.  The extended cut adds approx. 10 minutes of additional footage, which in these cases can often be less-than-pristine upon discovery of the elements but the additional scenes are seamlessly blended into previous releases’ runtime, suggesting the print was greatly protected from all harmful exterior factors.  A single channel English DTS-HD mono is the only mix available. Though standard and not as dynamic as more modern audio designs, the uncompressed track provides superb fidelity clearness, cleanliness, and with an even-keeled throughout.  The snappy dialogue shows prominence amongst a wide-berth range of surrounding elements.  There’s a blend of ADR and live recording, much to the chagrin of the Asian actors who have their English post-dubbed with a more accented stereotype.  English SDH are optionally available.  Capacity limitations on the UHD keep disc one to just two audio commentaries:  Film academics David Del Valle and Dan Marino on the first commentary with usual commentary notables Nathaniel Thompson and Troy Howarth on the second.  These commentaries are encoded on the Standard Blu-ray version of the film, accompanied by a new feature-length documentary England’s Unknown Exploitation Film Eccentric:  The Schlock-Cinema Legacy of Lindsay Shonteff that has historian interviewees, such as Kim Newman, discuss the brilliance of Shonteff’s work amongst the espionage thrillers of the time, an exclusive RiffTrax Edition of the film, riffed by Mike Nelson, Bill Corbett, and Kevin Murphy, the theatrical trailer, and the poster and still gallery.  It’s always a pleasure and a thrill to have tactile elements on the Blue Underground O-slips, such as this release with the embossed title overtop and below the memorable packed compositional, illustrated artwork.  The slightly thicker black Amaray casing houses the same artwork with a reverse side of the original Blue Underground DVD artwork.  Each interior side contain each format disc, pressed individual with the same cover arts, with the Blu-ray on the left and the UHD on the right.  Encoded for all region playback, “The Million Eyes of Sumuru” now clocks in at 89 minutes and is not rated.

Last Rites: “The Million Eyes of Sumuru” has a million positives – a farce of the espionage subgenre, cheekily acted, exotic locations, and an extended, clean-cut version from Blue Underground – to name a few that quickly surmises the Lindsay Shonteff film to be the golden gun of his repertoire.

Sumuru’s Eyes Are Everywhere, Even Here on Amazon! Purchase the 4K and Standard Blu-ray Set Here!

EVIL Comes to Town to Extract Your Deadly, Dark Secret. “Peter Five Eight” reviewed! (Invincible Entertainment / DVD)

Posted by Steven Lewis on

Check Out Kevin Spacey and “Peter Five Eight” on DVD!

A dynamic real estate agent and her loafing husband drink themselves in an abusive back-and-forth most nights living in a small mountain town.  When a dapper new arrival observes her comings-and-goings about the community, he confronts her out of the blue with questions about a past life she’s desperate to forget.  Her dark secret remains isolated within her, even kept under wraps from her townie husband who is trying to make a change toward contributing to their relationship.  As she continues to heavily drink every night away, the stranger makes every effort to interactive with her, pushing the same questions for answers a faraway adversary seeks, as well as infiltrate the social bubble of her close friends and colleagues to try and obtain more information on the state of her mental anguish.  The closer he gets to her, the more she drinks, and her secrets become exposed toward a deadly end of the cat-and-mouse game he plays. 

Is it poor judgement to review a new film starring a blacklisted actor?  The internal struggle is real when pondering whether review consideration and shining a time-of-day spotlight on the stain considering the damage done by the main actor with sordid personal affairs made public.  This is the case with “Peter Five Eight,” a modern noir comedy-thriller that casted an ousted two-time academy award winner who we’ve really haven’t seen on the screen since 2017 after sexual battery allegations arose.  Yet, ever since this actor won the sexual battery lawsuit against his accuser, an attempt to recoup a career has bene placed in the slow cooker and writer-director Michael Zaiko Hall, a “Cloverfield” and “Planet Terror” visual effects artist turned director, adds another step toward a reel redemption and provides a curiosity to reviewers who like to be the devil’s advocate.  The 2024 released film was shot in Mount Shasta, California and is a productionally comprised of LTD Films, Ascent Films, Forever Safe and Mad Honey Productions with Hall, John Lerchen (“Vampirus”), Chavez Fred (“Hotel Dunsmuir”), and co-star Jet Jandreau producing.

That actor mentioned above is none other than “L.A. Confidential” and “House of Cards” actor Kevin Spacey in the shoes of the titular hitman named Peter.  Now it’s unclear what the “Five Eight” exactly refers to, whether to be the explicitly noted Peter 5:8 verse in the bible which reads, “Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour,” and that scripture is also voiced over by Spacey in film’ opening, or “Five Eight” could also refer to the Peter’s age which is noted almost inconspicuously in the dialogue when Peter is pseudo-flirting with a potential asset.  Now whether that age is in reference to his incognito, hitman persona of the passage is unclear, leaving the title more ambiguous than ever, but Spacey’s part is not so terribly vague as an expensive assassin willing to do whatever his employer requires of him.  Stacey’s rakish, twangy charm is quintessential to his more recent onscreen personas and the actor continues to enact it quite well even in a role that often feels more like a stage play than an homage to classic film noir as intended.  There’s a bit of tongue-and-cheek in every line and action cast, and not just in Spacey’s, that slips the tone of his “Peter Five Eight” into wafting black comedy and awkwardly dispositional encounters.  Michael Zaiko Hall perhaps contributes to the latter with his inability to find a way to make Stacey be suave when being suave is required, such as with his pool hall/bar dance where Stacey sings a jukebox tune with an accompanied dance on the pool table felt and imitate the actions of a trombone with a pool cue.   The scene just didn’t sit right and turned what should have been a crowd-pleasing spectacle of smooth coolness into this odd lump of Stacey peacocking around in order to attract a certain someone at the bar as part of his master plan.  Opposite Spacey is co-star and co-producer Jet Jandreau (“Next of Vampires”) as the alcoholic real estate agent Samantha, aka Sam, harboring a dark, past secret and her channeling of Bette Davis cadences and inflections denotes that noir tone they’re aiming for and sinks into melodramatics of the prosaic fashion, serving more of ear sore of lampoon the subgenre rather than resurrecting it out of antiquated techniques.  The character is built well in Sam’s overdrinking and over-paranoia the deeper into the Peter’s story of truth extraction and inevitable cleanup.  Michael Emery (“The Intrusion”), Garrett Smith (“The Gates”), Dale Dobson (“Don’t Get Eaten”), John Otrin (“Friday the 13th:  The New Blood”), and “Dawn of the Dead” remake’s “Jake Weber and “The Hand that Rocks the Cradle’s” Rebecca De Mornay play an affluent and ruthless, revenge seeker and the local real estate agent head close to Sam. 

“Peter Five Eight” likes to live in between layers and forces audiences to read in between the lines on multiple surfaces.  Sam’s escape to the mountains, to flee from her past’s problems, has little footing when husband Travis comes into play as Travis borders being a flake of a husband, a fellow alcoholic, who Sam shares her addiction by proxy or maybe uses as a crutch in an exploitative manner, but he becomes a throwaway character from never being fleshed out and same goes with Garrett Smith’s role as Sam’s ex-husband who enters the picture unwillingly but shows up a little too late to be of importance.  We also needed more from Jake Weber’s richer-the-God Lock who hires Peter to track down and punishing Sam for her past transgressions that, we assume, tragically hurt him.  Peter’s base price is a cool $50 million, and Lock even adds another $8 for Peter’s efficiency, but that egregious, astronomical figure is chased away by Lock’s mysterious career background.  A cryptocurrency motif is sprinkled into the fold, mentioned here and there by various characters in various situations, and that’s perhaps Lock’s key to success but, again, never fleshes out.  There was a real desire to enjoy “Peter Five Eight” and while Kevin Spacey doesn’t necessarily sully the film, and on the contrary entertains with flamboyant articulation, Hall has a hard time creating coherency with his wish-wash noir.

Though intrigued by the premise and Kevin Stacey’s resurrection out of being totally eclipsed from in front of the camera, “Peter Five Eight” arrives onto an Invincible Pictures DVD home release in what is a surprising dreary A/V folly.  The MPEG2 encoded DVD5 is every much the resolution of 720p with smoothed over details and you can see the outlined splotch patches on the RGB model.  Hall and director of photography Eric Liberacki (“The Pale Man”) use mostly natural lighting of the sunny mountainside community and the window-laden interiors.  Night scenes are often lightly misted with a drifting fog or smoke but the weird part of this is it’s mostly in interior sets, creating that noir illusion but mostly just plays havoc on the already suffering details.  No issues with aliasing or noise with the digital playback.  The audio oddly enough is an English Stereo 2.0.  Unsure why a surround sound mix was not in the mix, so to speak, as there’s gunplay, explosions, townsfolk chatter, car crashes, and other elements that add to the range and depth.  The compressed result is a flat, muted track that has zero vitality in its audio projection, and this is also reflected in the decoding kbps that retains a constant flatline rather than a dynamic decoding based off the action.  I have not seen this before on modern DVDs and was taken aback by its feebleness.  English subtitles are optionally available.  The only bonus feature, to which you access straight from the static menu, contains a Kevin Spacey helmed promotional featurette for the film as well as to give the audience a historical lecture on the film noir subgenre.   Invincible Entertainment’s release comes not rated, with a 100-minute return, and a region 1 playback.

Last Rites: Though weird to watch a blackballed actor back on top of the horse, but the black comedy noir that is “Peter Five Eight” is not totally sullied by his name, it’s tarnished by the aphonic character development and the poor A/V basics for the home release that continue to beat the horse with a sprained ankle.

Check Out Kevin Spacey and “Peter Five Eight” on DVD!